


The Lion's Mouth

by alleraseh



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Body Horror, But also, Disturbing Themes, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gore, Humor, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-10-03 07:12:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 48,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17279462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alleraseh/pseuds/alleraseh
Summary: Levi enjoys his sleepy, uneventful life in the small town of Trost, but part of him wants something more. Then the handsome and charming Eren Jaeger moves in across the street.





	1. Across the Street

Someone finally bought the Jaeger house across from Levi’s, almost three years after the Jaegers themselves had died in a tragic car accident en route to visit their son. Barely anybody seemed to move to Trost nowadays and the whole street perked up at the thought of someone new coming to live with them. Levi and Hanji went to the convenience store around the corner to buy some ice cream. This would be an event, a new memory for all of Trost. Levi and Hanji intended to watch it, as did all of his neighbors.

Jean Kirstein, the owner’s son, let out a big yawn as he handed them the change for their quarts of strawberry and green tea ice cream. Hanji would walk out with the strawberry and Levi the green tea, and then they would make the switch on his porch. Levi wouldn’t have his reputation ruined by having someone see him buy strawberry ice cream.

“So, new guy move in yet?” Jean asked, scratching the back of his head. The kid was only twenty and midway through college, home for the summer. Sometimes Levi envied his carefree, easy lifestyle.

“Nope,” Hanji said. “We’re planning a stake-out, if you want to join us.”

Levi rolled his eyes. Of course Hanji would invite people over to his house without his permission.

“I heard he’s a doctor from Oxford!” Mrs. Carolina piped up behind them, with her customary purchases of salmon-flavored cat food and fruit roll ups.

“ _I_ heard he used to work for the CIA and came here to escape the Russians,” Mrs. Kirstein said wisely as she wiped the counter and supervised Jean’s work.

“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Jean complained.

“I don’t even know this guy’s name yet,” Levi said, grabbing the ice creams from Jean. “Try to hold off the rumors until we see his face first.”

“You know they can’t do that,” Hanji said with a snicker as they left the store. “There’s so little happening here, they’ll latch onto anything.”

They crossed the street and headed back to Levi’s house. It was a clear, warm day, not too hot, perfect for moving in. Levi could walk to the edge of town in about ten minutes and actually walked to work when the weather permitted. He couldn’t imagine anyone willingly moving to a place like this; deep in the countryside, about an hour away from any commercial centers, surrounded by corn fields. He supposed some people liked that kind of quiet life, but Levi had been here for five years now and felt like he’d fallen into a rut. He’d taken the first job opportunity he found once he graduated college—and had consequently worked at Trost’s library ever since. Sometimes he felt like he needed _something_ to make his life more exciting, or some new face to look at.

“Did Erwin ever respond to you?” Levi asked Hanji, throwing himself onto the wicker chair on his porch. He accepted his strawberry ice cream from them and dug out a spoonful.

Hanji shook their head. “He’s probably still at his office, the workaholic,” they said. They crammed an overflowing spoon of ice cream into their mouth. Levi watched with both fascination and disgust. Hanji hummed happily.

“So, what do you think this newbie will be like?” they asked. “Oxford professor? CIA agent?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Probably crazy to have decided to live here.”

Hanji lifted an eyebrow. “Doesn’t that make you crazy as well?” they asked playfully. They leant back into their chair, the sunlight bringing out the red highlights in their hair. Levi’s porch creaked from a slight wind, the old house readjusting itself. Nearly every house on this street had been built in the seventies and sparsely updated since. Levi kind of liked his linoleum kitchen floor even though it was ugly.

“Probably,” Levi said again.

They ate through most of their cartons before a large moving truck rolled down the road. Levi leaned forward in his chair. Several of his neighbors loitered on their porches as though they just happened to be there. A red Ford explorer following behind the truck pulled up on the side of the road in front of the house. A handsome man in his mid-twenties hopped out of the car, wearing a tight-fitting blue shirt that left little to the imagination. He had longish brown hair pulled back in a ponytail and just the sort of face Levi liked; not too round, but neither too angular.

“Oh!” Hanji exclaimed, too loudly. “He’s a cutie!”

The man flashed a smile in their direction. Levi ducked and cringed.

“Hanji!” he hissed, slapping at their arm. “Come on, try to be normal!”

But the entire neighborhood strained to watch as the newcomer strode to the truck and conversed with the movers. The backend of the truck lifted and Levi glimpsed all of his furniture; it didn’t seem like enough to fill the spacious Jaeger house.

Hanji nudged him in the side, grinning. “Single!” they said in a stage-whisper. “We say hello after he’s had a chance to settle in.”

“I’m going inside,” Levi grumbled, acutely embarrassed. He watched the newcomer’s back muscles flex as he helped a mover lift a couch and felt even more embarrassed.

“Wait, Levi!” Hanji whined. “Don’t leave me here!”

“You can ogle him all you want by yourself,” Levi said, cradling his ice cream against his chest and going into his house. The rickety screen door slammed behind him.

His house was a lot smaller than the Jaegers'—not the Jaegers' anymore, he supposed—but his house might be the only thing he liked about this town. It may not have been the largest or the nicest, but he’d bought it with his own money.

He cleaned the dishes Hanji had left behind after making lunch at his house. He lost himself in a reverie of cleaning and almost forgot about the handsome man moving in across the street—before Hanji barreled into the kitchen from the front door with Erwin in tow.

“You actually left the office?” Levi asked as a greeting.

Erwin shrugged, taking off his suit coat. “I had to stop by for such a momentous occasion,” he said. “People in the office speculated what he’ll be like all morning. Someone took a picture of him squatting to pick up a box and sent it to Petra asking if she’s still looking for a husband.”

Levi snorted. Hanji said, “No way. I want this one for Levi.”

“Everybody single will go after him,” Levi muttered. “He’s handsome.”

Both Erwin and Hanji stared at him. “What?” he asked defensively.

“Did you just admit that you think someone’s handsome?” Erwin asked.

“Levi, do you actually have an interest in something other than your broom?” Hanji said, throwing a hand over their heart.

“Fuck off,” Levi snapped, ears burning. “Even an idiot knows that he’s handsome.”

“I think we _should_ visit him later today,” Hanji said, taking a pan from Levi’s hands even though he hadn’t finished drying it. Erwin got himself a glass of water and sat at Levi’s kitchen table unasked. “I’ll make my zucchini bread.”

“Don’t you remember that awful zucchini bread you made for Mikasa’s birthday?” Levi asked. “Shit gave me diarrhea for weeks.”

“I’ll buy him zucchini bread,” Hanji said.

“The whole town will make him zucchini bread,” Erwin mused. “It’s a fad ever since Mrs. Ackerman won the baking contest last month with it.”

Mrs. Ackerman was not Levi’s mother, but his mother’s cousin and the mother of Mikasa. Levi’s mother lived in New York City, where they’d moved after he graduated from high school.

“Erwin,” Levi said, exasperated.

“Good point, Erwin,” Hanji said. “Levi! Why don’t you make him those nachos you made for the Superbowl?”

“I’m not bringing him goddamn nachos!” Levi said.

He couldn’t resist taking a peek through the window at the guy. He’d probably be moving his shit in all day. He wouldn’t want to talk to Levi and his two crazy friends. Not to mention that everyone else in the neighborhood would be hoping for a chance to talk to him.

“Fine,” Hanji said. “ _I’ll_ meet him and tell him all about my sad, lonely, single friend across the way.”

“We don’t even know this guy’s name yet and you already planned his whole future,” Levi groused out.

At any rate, it was obvious that the two wouldn’t budge. They wanted to meet the new guy, whether or not Levi would come along. He got them to agree to wait until after dinner and whipped up some _bibimbap_ from vegetables and beef he had lying around in the fridge. He liked to think he was a good cook and Hanji and Erwin never complained. They often went over to his house so they didn’t have to cook for themselves. Hanji and Erwin actually lived together in an apartment less than five minutes away.

Not even ten seconds into their meal, someone knocked on the door. “Come in,” he yelled, and his cousin Mikasa entered with her best friend, Armin. Both were college students like Jean, currently home for the summer. Mikasa was quiet and soft-spoken, though very forceful and precise when she needed to be; Levi appreciated that in a person. Armin was quiet, too, but still louder than Mikasa, and, as Levi understood, ridiculously intelligent. He often got into long, boring-ass conversation with Hanji and Erwin about chess and politics and other shit Levi didn’t particularly care about.

“Did you talk to your new neighbor?” Mikasa asked, plopping herself at the table.

“What did you make, Levi?” Armin asked, hovering. “It smells really good!”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Go on, grab a bowl.” Sometimes he felt like these kids wouldn’t eat if it weren’t for him.

“Mom’s going crazy wondering about this guy,” Mikasa said, spooning rice and veggies into her mouth. She had turned into a vegetarian last semester, citing the unnecessary cruelty against animals as something she could no longer support. Her loss. “She’s actually worried that he’ll be invited as a judge to the next baking contest and that he won’t like her bread.”

“I’d rather be worried about that then something else,” Levi said.

“So have you seen him?” she asked.

“No,” he said.

“We’re going after dinner,” Hanji added.

“Can we come, too?”

Levi cringed at the thought of all five of them showing up on the guy’s doorstep.

“Of course!” Hanji said enthusiastically. God dammit.

After dinner, Hanji urged him to leave the dishes until he came home, but he staunchly refused. They all stewed anxiously on his couch as he meticulously cleaned the table and the dishes, wiping down Hanji’s spot more thoroughly than the rest. Such a messy eater.

“Levi, are you done cleaning?” Mikasa yelled, upside down on the couch as the local news played.

“No,” he muttered, wiping the counter for the third time.

“I’m going with or without you!” Hanji bellowed, bouncing up from the couch and knocking Mikasa to the floor.

“Me, too!” she said, pushing herself up. Armin scrambled after Mikasa. The screen door banged closed, leaving Erwin and Levi alone in silence. Erwin looked over the back of the couch at him.

“Are we going?” he asked.

Levi sighed.

He trudged onto the street, leaving the door unlocked behind him. No one bothered to lock their doors in Trost. The sun had lowered in the sky, casting everything in a golden glow and forcing Levi to squint. The moving truck had left. He stared up at the gray former Jaeger house with its overgrown lawn and cracking driveway as Hanji wailed on the doorbell.

The man opened it just as Levi and Erwin reached the front stoop. He looked even more handsome up close, with bright green eyes and a soft, friendly smile. He did seem tired and probably was sick of all the visitors he’d received before them, because the smile didn’t quite meet his eyes. When he looked over the group, the strangest thing happened. He met Levi’s gaze and his eyes widened in surprise. Then they crinkled in a warm, genuine smile. Levi felt his ears heat up.

“Hi!” Hanji chirped. “We just wanted to stop by and welcome you to the neighborhood! We all live close by.”

“Levi lives across the street,” Armin added, pointing.

“Oh!” the man said. “Nice to meet you. Everyone in this town is so friendly.” He ducked his head, suddenly shy. “I really appreciate how kind everyone has been to me.”

“What’s your name?” Levi asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“My name is Eren Jaeger,” he responded. “Come inside! You can tell me if you like how I set up my living room.”

They all shuffled inside. Levi took care to shuck off his shoes _before_ he stepped onto the beige living room carpet, unlike Hanji. No pictures or decorations hung on the tan walls. The house consisted of large, open rooms, the opposite of Levi’s. Eren asked them to sit down, much more gracious than Levi would have been.

They introduced themselves. Eren eyed Levi and Mikasa curiously. “You two have the same last name,” he said.

“We’re cousins,” Levi said. “Are you related to the couple who used to live here?”

Eren ducked his head again. “They were my parents,” he said, as though he were at confession—certainly enough gossip to set the whole town going for days.

“I moved back here to be closer to them,” Eren said. “I . . . really do miss them sometimes.”

An awkward silence. Erwin said, “Well, regardless of the circumstances, we’re glad to have you in the neighborhood, Eren.”

Eren brightened up. “Thank you! Oh, do you want some water? I can’t believe I forgot to offer some when you walked in.” He got up and busied into the kitchen before any of them could respond.

“He’s nice,” Mikasa whispered, sitting next to Levi in a loveseat.

“He’s the Jaeger’s son!” Armin whispered. “I can’t believe he decided to move into their house! I wonder if he grew up here?”

“You could just ask him,” Levi said.

“I wonder what he does,” Mikasa mused. To Levi, “Do you think we’ll ever see him at the library?”

Eren walked back in with a tray of water glasses and handed one to each guest.

“So, Eren, what do you do?” Hanji asked, always more open in their inquisitiveness than the rest of them.

“I’ve done a little bit of everything,” Eren said, though he didn’t appear older than twenty five. “At present, I hope I can get involved with the library. My mother used to be a librarian before she retired.”

Mikasa kicked Levi in the leg. He hissed and Eren glanced at him strangely before continuing on, “There _is_ a library here, right? I didn’t actually see one on my way into town.”

“Yes, there is a library,” Hanji said. “Levi and Mikasa work there.”

Levi turned red again as Eren fixed his beautiful gaze on him. “Yeah, I work there,” he muttered.

“I’m just there for the summer,” Mikasa said, “but Levi and I could definitely talk to our superiors for you.”

Eren beamed. “Thank you!” he said. “I really do appreciate it. I’ve never met such nice people before.”

Levi resisted the urge to squirm in his seat, thinking that he didn’t deserve to belong to Eren’s assessment.

They stayed another ten minutes, sharing where the rest of them worked—Armin always spent his summers at his parents’ flower shop while Hanji was a science teacher at the local elementary—and anything they thought Eren should know about the town. Then Levi stood up and announced that he had to leave. The guy probably was dying for them all to go so he could finally relax.

“Is it okay if I stop by the library tomorrow?” Eren asked, showing him to the door. “Maybe you could give me a tour?”

After a beat, Levi muttered, “Sure,” unable to turn him down when Eren fixed those eyes on him.

He was barely aware of his friends bidding Eren goodbye or of walking back to his house.

“I like him,” Mikasa announced in Levi’s kitchen. Levi lifted an eyebrow at her. He thought she was gay for sure.

Mikasa shook her head at him. “Not like that. Besides, it’s obvious he only had eyes for you.”

“For me?” Levi repeated, completely flabbergasted at the idea.

“I knew I was right,” Hanji announced. “I knew this would be the start of something for you, Levi.”

“You’re getting way ahead of yourselves!” Levi protested.

“I’m just surprised he actually wanted to live in his deceased parents’ house,” Armin said, sparing Levi by derailing the conversation.

“He did seem genuinely to miss them,” Erwin said.

“If my parents died, I don’t know if I could actually bear to live in our house anymore,” Armin said.

“Everyone’s different,” Mikasa said, “and it has been three years since they passed away.”

Levi thought it odd, too, regardless of what Mikasa said. He glanced out the window. Eren had left the shades open even though it had grown dark and Levi could see him milling around his house, moving bits of furniture. A little odd, but nothing really to be suspicious over. Besides, he was very handsome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for checking out my fic!
> 
> This is already written and edited, so updates should be fairly quick.
> 
> As is mentioned in the tags, this fic gets quite gruesome later on, so please be mindful of that before continuing to read. If you have any concerns about the specifics of what happens, feel free to leave a comment or message me!
> 
> My [tumblr](http://erenthebestjaeger.tumblr.com)


	2. In the Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos on last chapter! This chapter is a small one, but I hope you enjoy it!

Levi dressed before his afternoon shift absent-mindedly, wondering if Eren would actually show up for a tour. His supervisor, the cranky Ms. Brzenksa, might not appreciate him ditching his responsibilities to walk an attractive guy around the library, but he’d take his chances. Mikasa had off today, so he’d deal with Eren all by himself. Not like that was a bad thing.

He chose to walk to work, taking advantage of the clear weather. Kids swung around the playground, yelling in tiny voices as their parents watched. The library doors swung open automatically when he approached. Inside, he spotted Armin’s golden head of hair at a back table as he poured over a series of books. Ymir argued with his coworker over a late fine, while her girlfriend, Historia, stood patiently nearby and took selfies. “Good morning,” he said to them as he passed.

“Hey, Levi!” Ymir yelled, ignoring several shushes and glares. “Do I have to pay this stupid fine? It’s from seven years ago, so I shouldn’t still have to pay, right?”

Levi rolled his eyes and handed her a dollar bill.

“You’re the best,” Ymir said, while Historia wrapped her arms around Ymir’s torso.

“Ymir, let’s get out of here!” she begged. “We’re going to be late for Mina’s pool party!”

Ymir’s eyes widened, probably at the thought of Historia in a bikini.

Levi snorted and moved into the backroom, clocking in and setting aside his bag. He liked working in a library. Slow shifts, he knew everyone so they didn’t try anything on him, a quiet and clean environment. Boring as hell most times, but steady, uneventful. There were worse jobs.

He set about his normal work, reorganizing shelves, putting back returned books, attending to patrons, yelling at Sasha and Connie—two high schoolers—when they tried to go on weird sites on the public computers. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing at the door every time he heard it open, checking for Eren.

But eventually, he lost himself in his work, in the familiar, orderly—boring—rhythm. Someone tapped on his shoulder. Levi whirled around, expecting it to be Connie explaining away some virus he’d downloaded on the computer. Instead, it was Eren, who smiled at Levi softly.

“I hoped I would find you here,” Eren said. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Levi stuttered out, continually surprised that someone as handsome as Eren even wanted to talk to him. “How was—how was moving?” he finished lamely.

“I think I’m almost entirely settled in now,” Eren said brightly. “I didn’t bring a ton of stuff. I’d figured I’d buy what I needed here.”

Levi watched his mouth move more than paid attention to what he said. When was the last time he even went on a date? College, more than five years ago.

God. He was getting ahead of himself. Hanji and Mikasa’s talk had burrowed into his brain, making him stupid.

“—so,” Eren said. “Are you free at the moment?”

Levi looked at his hands, but he wasn’t holding anything.

“Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah, I guess so. Let me take you to Rico Brzenska. She’s in charge of the afternoon shift.”

Rico was in her office doing shit for work, as she always did, and hurriedly stowed her nail file when Levi entered with Eren. Eren plastered a generically friendly smile on his face. “This is Eren Jaeger,” Levi said, jerking his thumb at Eren unnecessarily; everyone in town knew Eren’s name and face at this point.

“Are you hiring?” Eren asked without preamble.

Rico eyed him up and down, taking in his nicely pressed khakis and forest green shirt, probably wondering if Eren had a thing for thrice-divorced forty somethings.

“We are hiring,” she said in her normal, clipped voice. “Do you have experience working in a library?”

Eren just said, “Yes.”

Levi knew Rico would hire him, even without discussing it with her morning counterpart. She wanted to be the one to claim the newcomer, wanted to be the center of gossip in Trost for the next couple weeks, at least.

“Levi,” Rico said. “Why don’t you show Eren around?”

“Sure,” Levi said. He grabbed at Eren’s sleeve and pulled him out of the office.

“You know, I thought she would ask me more questions,” Eren said, nodding at the small children staring at him in the kids’ corner.

“Rico doesn’t give a shit about her job,” Levi replied without regard for the children. “She’d accidentally hire a murderer because she’s too lazy to do a proper background check.”

Eren just smiled. Levi wondered if his cheek muscles hurt from smiling all the time.

“So this is the kids corner,” Levi said, gesturing at the neatly lined picture books (his work) and brightly colored murals on the walls. “They wanted to spell corner with a ‘k,’ but I shut that shit down because kids are still learning to spell at that age and I don’t want the entire fucking town spelling corner with a ‘k.’”

“I see,” Eren said.

Levi showed him around the whole library, to the teen section, the manga, the large-print nonfiction, everything. He said hello to Armin, though Armin was elbow-deep in a book about ocean wildlife. Everyone stopped to talk to Eren. Sasha and Connie wanted to know if he’d ever hacked into a computer system before. Old Mr. Pixis wanted Eren’s help getting a book from a high shelf (which sadly Levi could not help with). Even the little kids ran up to him. Eren kept smiling and made small-talk with them all, gracious.

Levi took him to the encyclopedia section where nobody ever went, tucked away into a quiet corner, the perfect place for escaping or taking a nap when his shift was particularly slow. “You must be tired from everyone mobbing you,” Levi said, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “It’s not often people move here, so everyone loses their minds when someone does.”

The same thing had happened to him when he moved. The whole town took excessive interest in every minutiae of his life, for at least two months. Then, he settled in, took to a regular routine, and blended into the scenery like everyone else. His reticent personality might also have had something to do with it.

“I really don’t mind,” Eren assured. “I had been living in a city before, so the change of pace is nice.”

“Our library must seem pretty small compared to a city’s,” Levi, thinking of the library in Philadelphia, his childhood city.

Eren shook his head, then pursed his lips. “Well, it is smaller than others I’ve been in, but I like it,” he said.

“You like everything,” Levi pointed out.

Eren’s smile faltered for a second. “I guess,” he said in a small, secretive way. “Maybe it’s not the library itself. Maybe something else makes me like it so much.”

Levi’s breath caught in his throat. Eren had drawn closer, crowding his personal space in a way that didn’t feel at all uncomfortable. “I know, Rico can be quite charming,” he deflected.

Eren let out a short bark of laughter. “Define charming,” he said wryly. He sighed and took a step back, and Levi knew he’d ruined the moment. Of course. Of course he’d done that to himself.

“I suppose I should get back home,” Eren said, almost wistful, looking above Levi’s head. “I’ll see you around, won’t I?”

“I do live across the street,” Levi said, his heart thudding faster than normal.

“Good,” Eren breathed. “I really hope I can see you again, Levi.”

He left. As soon as he disappeared around the corner, Levi slumped against the wall, like a silly middle-schooler with a crush for the first time. _It’s been so long_ , he thought to himself, hand splayed across his chest, his heart thudding underneath. What could be the harm? Why not let himself fall a little bit?


	3. In the City

When Friday rolled around, Hanji wanted to take the whole crew to the nearest city—an hour away—and hit up every bar they could. Levi would rather spent his weekend curled up on the couch watching reruns and nursing a beer, but Hanji wheedled and Mikasa pointed out how they only had the end of the summer to spend time together and even _Petra_ would come and everyone knew how much of a lightweight Petra was. Besides, Erwin had offered to be the designated driver. He claimed he didn’t want to get shitfaced because he’d need to go into the office tomorrow, but even Erwin, with his perpetually busy schedule, could make time to spend with his friends.

“I see you almost every day, you brat,” Levi cried, smacking Hanji with his shoe. Hanji had walked over to his house to plead their case and to get ready. And of course they’d dragged Erwin over, too. Why Hanji couldn’t ever do anything alone was beyond Levi. “Did you already forget that I made you quesadillas yesterday? After working all day?”

“Those were damn good quesadillas,” Hanji said. “Oh, before I forget.” They tugged a twenty out of their pocket. “For feeding me dinner twice this week.”

Levi wrinkled up his nose, refusing to take the bill. Hanji smashed it into his hand. “Buy a beer with it!” they said. “Consider your first couple rounds on me.”

“Are we ready?” Erwin called below them, in the living room.

“No!” Hanji shouted back, flopping over onto Levi’s bed while attempting to pull skintight jeans over their legs. “I need to befriend Historia Reiss so she’ll put some makeup on me. Her makeup always looks great. I only know how to do mascara.”

“But you never wear makeup,” Levi said. He planned on wearing a black shirt and jeans, what he wore nearly every day of his life.

“That’s because I’m naturally beautiful and need no enhancements,” Hanji said. “But if we’re going out I want my eyes to look big enough to pop out of my skull.”

“I don’t know why we’re friends,” Levi muttered.

Hanji took another ten minutes to get ready.

“Hey, do you think we should ask Eren to come?” they asked, clomping down Levi’s stairs ahead of him. Erwin looked up from his phone as they flopped into the kitchen.

“No,” Levi said immediately, his heart doing strange, middle school things at the thought of Eren tagging along.

“There’s not really room in my car,” Erwin cautioned.

Hanji stuck their face to the kitchen window. “Aw, all the lights are off in his house,” they said. “I won’t bother him. Levi, I heard you and Eren got intimate at the library yesterday.”

“Intimate?” Levi sputtered.

“I heard that Levi even showed him the kids’ corner,” Erwin said.

“Stop gossiping about me!”

“It can’t be helped,” Hanji said. “You’ve had the most contact with Eren so far. Everyone’s talking.”

“Nothing happened,” Levi stressed. “I just showed him around because Rico asked me to.”

“Sure,” Hanji teased.

“You’re the worst fucking friends,” Levi complained. “You never believe anything I say.”

“Mikasa’s wondering where we are,” Erwin informed them.

“Come on, Levi,” Hanji said. “You can brood later. Now is the time to get smashed!”

First, they had to walk back to Hanji and Erwin’s place to get his car. Then they picked up Mikasa, Armin, Petra, and Jean at their places. Levi felt a little weird going drinking with college kids (especially since Jean was twenty and relied on a fake), but no one else seemed to think anything of it. They filed into Erwin’s mom van, shoulder to shoulder, while Mikasa claimed the front passenger seat for herself and cranked the radio all the way up until the car rattled with the thump of the bass. Petra, giddy to go out with friends for the first time in a while, produced an entire bottle of vodka and let everyone take a swig (except for Erwin, of course). Levi winced at the burn of alcohol sliding down his throat, but everyone sang along in excitement to the radio, plotting out which bars they wanted to hit.

When they arrived, the rest of the city had already started the party, florescent lights flitting through the car. Groups of similarly dressed people flooded the sidewalks, music pouring out from the bars. It was a perfect night for walking about, clear and not too cool. Erwin parked the car on the side of the road and they tumbled out, already a little buzzed. A red Ford Explorer pulled up two cars behind Erwin’s. Levi remembered he had an extra twenty in his pocket and thought about all the cheap beer he could buy.

Levi remembered the first bar quite clearly. Dimly lit with the back wall made entirely of chalkboard, where they scribbled their names and the date. Mikasa and Armin went up to the bar and came back with two pitchers. Levi grimaced at the first taste of beer, less so at the second, and by the time he drained his glass it tasted quite good.

“Slow down a little!” Erwin said, laughing a bit. Levi narrowed his eyes at him.

“I think I’m drunk!” Petra shouted over the music. The bar was packed. They’d drained the pitchers in barely over half an hour. Someone knocked into Levi, apologized, but he wasn’t particularly bothered by it.

Levi wrote his name in cursive on the chalkboard. They all clumped around a table, talking and laughing, and then Hanji suddenly proclaimed that they wanted to dance; and to do so, they needed to go to another bar.

Petra held onto Levi’s hand, who held onto Armin’s hand, who held onto Erwin’s, who led them out of the bar. “Down the street,” Erwin said. “I know where we can go if you want to dance.”

In the next bar, Mikasa ordered one of those fruity cocktails she couldn’t get enough while some idiot with a bad gaydar made eyes at her. Levi sucked down another beer and then another and maybe he was drinking too fast; all he knew was that he felt light, content, even happy, and he hadn’t felt that way in a long time and he didn’t want it to stop.

Mikasa threw an arm over his shoulder. “You’re my favorite cousin,” she said, stroking his hair.

“You are _my_ favorite cousin,” Levi said.

“You want to know something?” Mikasa asked. She waved away the guy who had been inching closer to her, hopeful. “I cried my first night of college because I missed you.”

“You did?” Levi asked, touched.

Mikasa nodded. “I missed Armin and Mom and Dad, too, but I missed you.”

Levi patted her cheek. “Poor Mikasa.”

Somehow he found himself squeezed into a booth with Petra. Erwin planted his butt next to her, keeping a firm eye on her as she blubbered about lucky she was to have nice friends and would she ever get that promotion she deserved? Erwin caught her hand when she reached for what must have been her millionth shot.

“You know, it would be nice if Eren were here,” Levi shouted thoughtlessly.

Petra and Erwin looked at him in surprise. Somewhere on the floor, Levi heard Hanji’s hooting laughter and watched Armin and Jean, faces turning purple, blue, green from the lights, as they laughed and clinked their glasses together.

“You should fuck him!” Petra shouted back.

“What?”

“You should get to know him first,” Erwin added.

Hanji dropped into Levi’s lap. He ran his hand through their sweaty hair, not minding it at all. His mouth felt extremely fuzzy. “Hanji, do you love me?” he asked them.

“Of course,” they said, and kissed him on the cheek. “Let’s dance, Levi!”

He let them pull him out of the booth. Hanji, the poor bastard, couldn’t dance for shit and normally Levi would be embarrassed, but right now nothing seemed funnier than watching Hanji jerk their limbs like a robot. He flailed his limbs himself, and let himself laugh loudly and freely.

Somehow, in the press of the crowd, he was separated from Hanji. Strong hands grasped him around the waist and he thought it might be Erwin or Jean, but he turned around and it was Eren himself. Levi gasped and touched Eren’s cheek.

“I wanted to find you here,” Levi said.

Eren smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. “I wanted to find you, too, Levi,” he divulged, like a secret. He took Levi’s hand and kissed his palm.

It seemed perfectly natural to throw his arms over Eren’s shoulders and press his body against his, swaying in a dance. Eren placed his hands around Levi’s waist and swayed with him, nosing through Levi’s hair.

Levi was sweating, dying of thirst. Eren tilted his chin upwards and pressed their lips together, soft and gentle, not at all what Levi expected. He moaned, loudly, embarrassing himself, but Eren didn’t seem to mind at all, hands roaming up and down Levi’s back.

They broke for air. “Can we go outside?” Levi shouted to him.

Eren seemed confused, but then he nodded. He led Levi outside with Levi clutching his arm tightly. His ears rang in the sudden lack of noise. Eren felt warm and solid and real and Levi could picture himself going home with this beautiful man, letting him do whatever he wanted to him.

His phone buzzed. Levi dug it out of his pocket. Several new messages.

Mikasa: where is

Mikasa: fish

Mikasa: duck

Mikasa: fuck

Hanji: levi we r next door pls cum

Erwin: Come not cum

Erwin: I’ll get you, Levi.

Petra had sent a picture of her foot.

“Let’s go,” Levi told Eren, tugging on his hand.

“Go where?” Eren asked.

Just then, Levi saw Erwin approaching and pointed excitedly to him.

“Eren!” Erwin said, sounding surprised. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“I missed city nightlife,” he confessed. “If I had known you all were going out, too, I would have said something!”

“Next time,” Erwin promised, while the ground seem to whirl underneath Levi’s feet.

“Uh, I lost my friends and I have to find them before they do something stupid,” Eren said. “Could you take care of Levi? He seems kind of bad off.”

“He’ll be fine,” Erwin assured him, removing Levi’s fingers from Eren and tucking them into his own.

“Thanks, Erwin,” Eren said. “Levi, see you around?”

“At the library,” Levi said, nodding. “I will see—” He clamped a hand over his mouth when vomit suddenly rose in his throat.

Eren seemed concern, but Erwin assured him again that he’d take care of him. Erwin led him towards the next bar. “I’m cutting you off,” he told Levi.

Levi tripped up the steps to the bar. Within, Hanji was offering body shots.

“Dammit,” Erwin said. He let go of Levi and Levi sailed straight into a wall.

“Sorry,” he said to it.

After that, he didn’t remember much else.

\- - - - -

Levi woke up in his bed with a blistering headache. Hanji snored spectacularly loud into his shoulder. At least they both were fully clothed. A glass of water and an aspirin sat on his nightstand with a post-it note that read, “DRINK ME.” Erwin. Levi vaguely recollected stumbling upstairs to his bedroom and being dumped into his bed by Erwin. Wincing, Levi rubbed his eyes, cursing the faint bit of light that filtered through his curtains. He downed the aspirin, leaving another for Hanji, and most of the water. Then he waddled into the bathroom to take the longest piss of his life.

By the time Hanji woke up, he had managed to take a short shower to get the worst of the grime off of him and choked down a piece of dry toast. Hanji stumbled downstairs, clutching the railing like a lifeline. “Thank God,” they groaned at the smell of coffee. Levi grunted, laying his head on the kitchen table.

They didn’t speak until Hanji had their coffee and toast, both of them chewing glumly as their heads pounded. The clock hit noon.

“So,” Hanji started, “what exactly happened last night? Mikasa sent some hilarious texts but I’m not sure what any of them mean.”

Levi groaned again as memories flooded through him. Having way too many beers. Telling all his friends he loved them. Accidentally bumping into Eren. _Kissing_ Eren.

“Oh no,” Levi said. “Oh no, fuck, fuck, shit fuck!”

“What did you do?” Hanji asked.

“I ran into Eren,” Levi said.

A Cheshire cat smirk spread over Hanji’s lips. “You fucked him,” they said.

Levi shook his head. “No. We just kissed. But I was drunk off my ass and a complete embarrassment. I told him I wanted to see him there!”

“I don’t see why that’s a problem,” Hanji said. Levi just shook his head.

He glanced out the window towards Eren’s house. Eren’d cut the grass since he’d moved in and the place actually looked quite nice. “I need to talk to him,” Levi said, his face growing white. “I have to apologize.”

“Apologize for what?” Hanji asked. “Sounds like you should be celebrating, not wallowing. I didn’t get any action at all last night.”

“I didn’t want the first time I kiss Eren to be drunk and in a fucking club,” Levi muttered.

“Aw, Levi, are you falling for him?” Hanji teased. “Worried about making a bad impression?”

“Of course!” Levi snapped. “I make a bad impression on everybody!”

He slumped over onto the table again. “This is why no one wants to date me,” he mourned.

“Levi, you’re being ridiculous,” Hanji said. “And that’s coming from me, so you know you’re being especially ridiculous. Just apologize to him like you said you would! I doubt Eren will be mad. Tell me, did he kiss you back?”

“Yes,” Levi said.

“Did he use tongue?”

“ _Yes_.”

“Then you have nothing to fear!” Hanji boomed. Levi winced and covered his ears. “Obviously he wanted to kiss you, too! Go out there and get ‘em, tiger!”

\- - - - -

Levi texted Eren, having gotten his number from Armin. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had somehow hit it off in the couple weeks since Eren moved in, and through the grapevine Levi heard that they had hung out at the park, at the coffee shop, at the movie theater. Levi thought it good for all three of them. Mikasa was so reserved and Armin so shy that they had some trouble reaching out to people on their own.

Levi asked Eren if they could meet somewhere to talk. To his surprise, Eren responded almost immediately.

“Sure,” he said. “I’m free this afternoon and all day tomorrow. You want to get a cup of coffee at Reiss Bean?”

Levi agreed. He spent the next two hours showering again, making sure to remove every leftover grimy remnant from last night. And then—a ritual that only Hanji and Erwin knew about—he blow dried and straightened his hair, which he only did for important events.

“Are you grooming for Eren?” Hanji asked, languishing on his bed and flipping through all their laughably embarrassing texts the night before.

“Fuck off,” Levi muttered.

“Did you make sure to shave, you know, down there?”

“Fuck _off_!” Levi cried, and kicked Hanji off his bed.

Then, by two o’clock, Levi stood on Main Street right outside Reiss Bean. The kitschy, pink-themed coffee shop stared right back at him, packed with patrons. He could hardly bring himself to search for Eren within, looking down at his shoes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so nervous to see someone. Eren had really done something to him, hadn’t he?

_You can do this_ , Levi told himself. He took a deep breath and went inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!


	4. In the Coffee Shop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your support for this fic (whether it be comments, kudos, or bookmarks)! It really helps me as a writer.

Once he walked inside, Historia Reiss, daughter of the owners, stepped forward with a smile. “Here to hang out?” she asked, “or just here for a coffee?”

“Actually, I, uh, I’m here for Eren,” Levi said, scratching at the back of his neck and trying not to seem too embarrassed. “Have you seen him?”

“Oh!” She grinned. Levi could already see the rumor mill churning away. “He’s right there in the back corner.”

Levi followed her directions and slumped into the seat across from Eren, a cushy armchair that was, like most of the shop, pink. Historia handed him a menu. Eren looked up from whatever sugary drink he’d gotten and smiled. He seemed a little tired, his hair tucked underneath a baseball cap, wearing a navy sweatshirt emblazoned with his alma mater. God, even hungover he looked so handsome.

“Feeling alright?” Eren asked. Levi looked down at his menu, eyes skittering over the page.

“Yeah, much better,” he murmured. “Listen, I’m really sorry about how embarrassing I was last night.”

“What?” Eren seemed genuinely confused. “No, last night was fun. You were funny. And cute, actually.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “Cute?” he repeated.

Eren gave him that soft, endearing smile again. “Yeah. Is it too forward of me to say that? I thought you wanted to talk because of—well, you know.”

Levi’s cheeks dusted with pink. “I did want to talk about that,” he muttered. “I wasn’t sure exactly why it happened.”

Eren’s eyebrows drew together. “What do you mean? Oh—oh.” Eren’s expression grew pained.

“I’m sorry,” Eren said. “I shouldn’t have assumed anything. I completely understand if you acted on drunken impulses.”

“What?” Levi sputtered. “No, no, that’s not what I meant. I really do—”

Historia stopped by their table. “Decide what you want yet?” she asked Levi cheerily.

“Uh.” He glanced down at the menu. “I’ll have a white chocolate mocha,” he said, the first thing that he saw. It sounded good, anyways.

“Okay, one white chocolate mocha, coming right up!” Historia announced, much too loudly. At this rate the whole town would know that he’s secretly a softie.

“You like sugary drinks?” Eren asked, both eyebrows lifted this time.

“Yeah, so?” Levi grumbled.

“That’s cute,” Eren said. “I like them, too.”

“Anyways,” Levi said, clearing his throat. “You should know that whatever happened last night, it wasn’t just because I was drunk.” Eren’s eyes bored into him and made it hard for Levi to think. “I—fuck,” Levi muttered. “I’m not going about this the right way.”

“Are you saying that you wanted to kiss me before you were drunk?” Eren asked cautiously, tracing the rim of his cup with his thumb.

“I—” Levi looked down at the table again, but then forced himself to meet Eren’s eyes. Eren straightened up in his chair. “Yes. I did want that.”

Eren reached across the table and slowly took Levi’s hand. Just then, Historia plopped his mocha on the table.

“Need anything else?” she asked, all seemingly oblivious smiles as Levi whipped his hand under the table.

“No,” he muttered. “Thank you.”

Historia whirled away. Levi leaned in closer. “The whole town will start talking about us,” he said. Luckily, the packed shop hid most of their conversation.

“I don’t mind,” Eren said. “If this is going where I think it’s going, it’ll be worth it.”

Levi was helpless against such an earnest statement.

“I wanted you to know,” Eren said, his face set with determination, “that if you want to go ahead with what we’ve started, then I do, too. If you don’t, then we can pretend this never happened. It’s all up to you. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”

Levi melted. “Me, too,” he said, his heart beating fast.

“I know that we’ve just met and we haven’t spent a whole lot of time together,” Eren said, “but I feel like we’ve connected more than I’ve connected to any other person. Do you feel that way, too?”

Levi thought about the last time he’d dated someone, how badly it had ended, and, really, he’d never before had someone else take up so much of his thoughts, never been quite so infatuated, never really cared enough to see how things might pan out. “I do feel that way,” he confessed in a whisper.

Eren smiled again, but this one was warmly triumphant. “Then . . . can I take you out on a date sometime?”

Levi sipped his drink. Warm and supersaturated with sugar, dancing on his tongue, heady and rushing down to warm him from head to toe.

“Yes,” he said. “I’d like that.”

\- - - - -

Afterwards, they took a walk around the park to enjoy the beautiful day. Levi hardly noticed the playground brimming with children or the clear sky or the dandelions in bloom everywhere, unable to stop drinking in the sight of Eren walking alongside him. It had been so long. He wished he could tuck Eren close to his chest and keep him there as long as they both wanted.

They had been walking around, smiling at each other, for at least ten minutes without saying a word. A buzz in his pocket brought Levi back to reality. Hanji. They had texted the group chat asking how his date was going. Levi turned his phone on silent to avoid, at least temporarily, the flood of confused texts that would follow.

“So, did you ever end up finding your friends?” Levi asked Eren. They sat down on an unoccupied bench, close to the public restrooms. Romantic.

Eren nodded. “They were all smashed, of course, and I had to haul everyone back home shortly after I left you.” He let out a snort of laughter. “Next time, I’m forcing someone else to be the DD.”

Levi smoothed his hands over his jeans, wishing he could hold Eren’s. “You’re familiar with Shiganshina, then?” Levi asked. He only went if there was some cleaning tool their local mart didn’t offer, and to get hammered.

“Yeah, I lived there for a couple years,” Eren said. “Just moved from there, actually. I’m trying to keep in touch with my old coworkers. I do kind of miss living in a city, but Trost has its perks, too. It’s nice to take a step back and enjoy the quiet sometimes.”

Levi didn’t exactly agree, but he’d hold off until he and Eren were more familiar. He did have some tact, no matter what his friends said.

“Tell me a little about yourself, Levi,” Eren said. “I feel like I don’t know anything about you. Have you always lived here or did you move here like me?”

“I grew up in Pennsylvania,” Levi said. An uncomfortable memory of leaving for school at five in the morning so he wouldn’t have to encounter his father rose unprovoked in his mind. He shoved it aside. “But I went to college in New York, and then came here.”

“New York City?” Eren asked, inching closer to him.

“Yeah.”

“So, you went from the busiest city in the world to . . . here?”

Levi smiled faintly. “I wanted some quiet, like you.”

Eren seemed to sense Levi’s reticence towards discussing his past and changed to, “Do they really get as much snow up north as everyone says they do? I’ve hardly seen snow throughout an entire winter in my life.”

“It’s strange to _me_ to be in a place without snow,” Levi said. “You get used to seeing everything sheeted in ice with the tree branches dripping snow and the salt trucks dumping shit on the roads.”

“It sounds lovely,” Eren said. “You should show me around sometime.”

Levi considered. He wouldn’t really mind showing someone like Eren to his mother. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Movement over Eren’s shoulder caught his attention. Someone Levi didn’t recognize—strange, since he recognized most people in this town—was trying not to stare at them. She was short like Historia Reiss with the same blonde hair, a little pudgy, and very much a cute girl. Couldn’t be older than twenty.

“Do you know who that is?” Levi asked, pointing his chin at her. “She keeps looking at you.”

Eren quickly glanced behind himself. “Oh, yes, I do recognize her!” he exclaimed. “That’s Lacey Falder. She works at the burger joint around the corner. Cute enough to eat, right?”

That explained why Levi didn’t recognize her. He rarely stopped at fast-food places if he could help it.

Eren met her eyes and smiled widely, probably shooting a million arrows into her heart. She scrambled up with her bag and sped-walked to them, looking as though she was rehearsing what she wanted to say in her head.

“Hello!” she squeaked, her eyes entirely for Eren. “Do you remember me? It’s good to see you again.”

“Same to you,” Eren said.

“Well, I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood again! See you later!”

She walked off, flustered, her blonde curls bouncing. “Someone has a crush,” Levi said.

Eren rolled his eyes, the first bit of annoyance Levi had ever seen from him. “You think she’d get the picture, seeing us sit so close together,” he said.

Levi realized they _were_ sitting rather close together, their thighs touching. He resisted the urge to squirm away out of embarrassment. Eren’s face was much closer than he remembered it being.

“Yo, Levi!” someone shouted behind him. Levi looked over his shoulder, cursing. It was Jean, of course. He gave Levi a huge thumbs-up. “So proud of you, man!”

Levi looked towards Eren in despair.

“Want to go somewhere else?” Eren asked, eyes sparkling. “Back home?”

“Mine or yours?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Eren said. “We live so close to each other.” And he tilted his face even closer to Levi’s. “I can tell that I’m going to like that very much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, an original character. I wonder what's going to happen to her . . .


	5. At the Farmer's Market

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains an explicit description of a consensual sexual encounter, btw.

Eren started work at the library, performing the same job as Levi. Somedays, Levi and Eren would work a whole shift together, then go to Levi’s house for dinner and spend hours talking at the table, plates sitting in front of them, draining glasses of wine; and then they would migrate to Levi’s couch to watch a movie or play a video game. Inevitably, someone would reach for the other and Levi would find himself pressed against his own couch cushions, Eren’s lips soft and warm on his, across his collarbones, his jaw, down his chest.

Sometimes, they would go to Eren’s house and sort through the trinkets his parents had left behind. Rolled up posters of the Virgin Mary, pamphlets from Eren’s high school graduation seven years ago, framed pictures of a baby Eren sitting in a tub while his father washed his hair. Sometimes, Eren teared up, but he bravely pushed aside his tears for Levi’s sake, he said. Sometimes, Levi threw off his shirt and dove into Eren’s aboveground pool, spending the whole day floating on tubes, splashing Eren, growing wrinkled and pruny, debating the merits and disadvantages of underwater head, water going up his nose and making him sputter when he stupidly attempted it; but he didn’t care. He was too happy.

At nighttime, Eren lit a campfire and brought out chocolate and marshmallows and graham crackers. Eren always burned his and relied on Levi to cook his marshmallow into a perfect golden brown, melting between two slabs of chocolate. Levi used the leftover chocolate sticking to the corners of Eren’s mouth as an excuse to kiss him. They left the fire fall to embers while they spread blankets on the ground, twisting around each other. Levi fell asleep in Eren’s arms and only woke up briefly when Eren carried him into the house, setting him gently on his bed.

\- - - - -

Levi made it a point not to be that dickhead friend who forget they had anyone else before a significant other. Hanji still came over to his house all the time, whining for Levi to feed them. Levi always knew that Eren, Mikasa, and Armin got along, but Eren got along well with his other friends, as well. The only one he didn’t really seem to like was Jean. For whatever reason, those two could get into the pettiest fights over anything, and Levi made it a point never to hang out with just Eren and Jean. Eren said he didn’t dislike Jean; he was just an asshole.

“You and Eren are spending a lot of time together,” Hanji said one evening when Eren wasn’t around; he had gone to the city to spend time with his own friends. Hanji waggled their eyebrows at him. Levi tossed a pillow into their face, flopping into his living room chair.

“We haven’t actually fucked yet,” Levi said mournfully. He’d been trying to hint that he wanted it to Eren, but Eren was either bad at reading symbols or just not ready yet. Levi could sympathize. He normally waited a long time himself, and he and Eren had only been dating for a month. Levi only wanted to so early because it was _Eren_. The sexiest man he’d ever seen, Eren. He was constantly reminded that Eren surpassed every expectation he’d ever had for a romantic relationship.

“I heard that poor Lacey Falder cried when she found Eren is gay,” Hanji said. Levi could always rely on them to pass on the latest rumors from the gossip mill.

“Poor girl,” Levi intoned.

“How’s Eren doing at the library, anyways?” Hanji asked, licking ice cream off their spoon. Levi reflected that maybe he and Hanji should stop getting ice cream every time they hung out. “Rico said he’s doing great.”

“Oh, I wanted to talk about that with you,” Levi said. “Rico only said that because she holes herself up in her office. She never actually checks on us.”

Hanji lifted their eyebrows. “Is he that bad?”

“No, he’s not _bad_.” Levi sighed. “Sometimes I pick up signals from Eren that indicate he . . . doesn’t have the best social skills?”

“ _You_ picked up that?”

Levi snorted. “I know, I know, I’m not the best either. But he likes to enthusiastically greet everyone who comes in—and I mean enthusiastically. Like shouting hello at them. In a library. I tried to say something to him, but he didn’t seem to understand. Even Mikasa tried to get him to quiet down.”

Oh, Eren. He was almost too friendly with everyone. Kind to a fault. Levi wondered if he was consciously like that or if it was just what he learned from his parents. It could be slightly embarrassing to Levi sometimes. Like when they went out to eat in the city last week and the waitress asked how they were, generic stuff, Eren squinted at her nametag and said, “We’re doing _great_ , Whitney. How are _you_?”

Some people liked Eren’s excessive cheer, but they’d met some raised eyebrows, too. What could Levi say? Stop being so nice to people?

“He’s perfectly fine when it’s just the two of us,” Levi said. “It’s like he feels the need to put on an act in front of others.”

“I think all people are like that, but with Eren it’s just more obvious,” Hanji said.

Levi wrinkled his nose. “I’m not like that. I don’t put on fronts for everyone.”

Hanji rolled their eyes. “That’s because you’re a special case, Levi. Not everyone can have your acerbic wit and bluntness.”

“You’re too kind,” Levi said.

“This is my take,” Hanji said, ever helpful. “If it really bothers you that much, next time it happens, say something and see how Eren responds. I could help you draft a non-offensive response if you want.”

“No, thanks. I’m an adult and I’m capable of solving my own problems.”

Hanji hooted and slapped him heartily on the back. “There’s that wit!” they cheered.

Levi let them hoot on for a minute before dampening the mood with, “I just want Eren to fit in. It’s been two months since he moved in and the whole town is still talking about him.”

“It’s because he’s so attractive.” Hanji nodded. “More attractive than me, even.”

“Most people are,” Levi said, and dodged a half-hearted punch. “I worry about him living in his dead parents’ house by himself.”

“Levi, you don’t have anything to worry about,” Hanji said. “He has _you_. Every time I see Eren he seems over the moon with you. You’re stressed out for no reason. Eren is perfectly fine.”

Levi had to agree with Hanji. But as he went to bed that night, strangely lonely without Eren in his bed, he couldn’t stop thinking about what he could do to help Eren—or if Eren even needed any help at all, and he was just being intrusive. He had a hard time falling asleep normally and tonight took him even longer, his mind whirling around and around with possibilities.

\- - - - -

Sunday was the farmers’ market. Levi thought it a great opportunity to assimilate Eren more into the town, since everybody and their mother spent their Sunday at the farmers’ market. Eren, strangely enough, preferred to get his vegetables frozen. “It’s because I’m always banging my shins into things,” Eren explained to Levi wisely once. “This way, I always have something to ice them with.”

“Or you could just buy an ice pack,” Levi said.

“Or I could just buy an ice pack,” Eren said slowly.

At any rate, Levi meant to take Eren to the farmers’ market. They could get some quality potatoes from the Braus family, maybe pick up a pie from Mikasa’s mother, and then get homemade ice cream. Wait, Levi wasn’t supposed to be eating ice cream as much anymore. Dammit.

The one routine that Eren participated in that Levi himself did not was church. Every Sunday morning, Eren filed into mass along with the rest of the town. Mikasa said he always sat with her family, but Eren was strangely quiet during service, mouthing along to the hymns but never singing himself. While he waited for Eren to return home, Levi made pancakes and bacon, mimosas and melted jelly for jam.

At eleven, Eren stepped knocked on the outside of Levi’s screen door with that familiar goofy grin on his face. “It smells so good!” Eren groaned as he stepped through. “Levi, you spoil me.”

“Yes,” Levi agreed. He pointed a fork at Eren. “Eat up. You and I have a full day.”

Eren opened his eyes very wide, but he took his customary seat at the kitchen table and dug into a stack of pancakes. Eren could put away food like no one else Levi had ever seen, like his stomach was a bottomless hole. “What are we doing?” Eren asked around a mouthful.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Levi reprimanded. “We’re going to the farmers’ market.”

“The farmers’ market?” Eren repeated, sounding skeptical. Levi resisted the urge to wipe jam off his face for him.

“Yeah, I need some stuff and you’d said you’ve never been,” Levi said.

“Okay,” Eren said, easily enough. Just like that. “I’ll come with you.”

Levi huffed. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“But I want to,” Eren argued. “If it means spending time with you, I want to go.”

Levi blushed a little at that; he spent way too time blushing around Eren over the silly things he said. “Okay, fine,” he muttered.

Levi had a single pancake and piece of bacon while Eren packed away five of each, repressing a burp that he knew Levi would scold him for. “Let’s go!” he said cheerily, while Levi dabbed at a spot of jam on his red flannel.

Another beautiful day. Levi stood on his front porch and took in the sunshine. “Just like a plant soaking up the sun,” Eren had teased him before, as Hanji did before him, and as his mother had before _them_.

The market on main street was already packed, as Levi suspected. He nodded when he encountered someone he knew, pushing the crowd while hanging onto Eren’s hand. At this point, most everyone in Trost knew they were dating. Reactions ranged from despair, like Lacey, to enthusiastic well-wishing. Ymir came up with Historia and pounded him on the back to congratulate him. Levi sputtered. “Good job, Levi,” she said. “I always knew you needed someone to pull that stick out of your ass, and you finally found him.”

“Thanks,” Levi muttered.

“Ymir!” Historia reprimanded her girlfriend. She flashed a million watt smile at Levi and Eren. “We really are happy for you. You deserve this, Levi!”

“Thanks,” Levi said. He grabbed Eren and made his escape, using the crowd to shield him. Eren stood taller than most people in Trost, though.

“I didn’t realize I was your plunger and not your boyfriend,” Eren said.

“Stop,” Levi choked.

He haggled with Sasha Braus over potatoes and managed to cut her down to a fair price. He plopped the potatoes into Eren’s arms. Eren seemed a bit confused by the massive amount he’d bought. “I’m making hasselback potatoes for Mrs. Arlert’s birthday Wednesday,” Levi explained to Eren.

“When?” Sasha gasped. “Wednesday? Do you think I’m invited?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Come over my house at noon on Wednesday and you can help me make the potatoes,” he said.

“Bless you, Levi!” Sasha said with stars in her eyes.

Next, he stopped where Mrs. Ackerman sold her pies to chat with her. “Mikasa wants to have friends over tonight,” she told him, glancing at Eren. “Did she mention it to you?”

“No, but I’ll text her,” Levi responded.

He walked away with a sumptuous pecan pie, intending to eat it for desert tonight with some vanilla ice cream. Fuck his moratorium on desserts.

“Do you want to go to Mikasa’s later?” Levi asked.

“Whatever you want to do,” Eren answered easily.

“Come on, Eren,” Levi said. “We always do what I want. What about you?”

Eren’s eyebrows dipped into a frown before his expression smoothed out. “Alright, I want to go to Mikasa’s later.”

Levi patted his arm.

Levi thought Eren was doing well. He mostly stood by as Levi haggled over prices and acted as Levi’s pack mule. He didn’t seem to care. He was just soaking it all in; everyone shouting over each other, the scents filling the air, the sunshine, bright signs advertising different stalls.

“Oh, there’s Lacey Falder again,” Eren said, subtly pointing at her and a group of friends hanging out by the homemade fudge stall.

“I think she’s moved on,” Levi said, watching as she threw an arm around a male friend.

Eren snorted. “Good. I’m not really into college kids.”

“If she wasn’t a college kid, would you have gone after her?” Levi drawled, though insecurity bubbled in his chest.

Eren gave him a look. “Levi. Not a chance.”

Satisfied, Levi graciously took the bag of peppers from Eren.

Mikasa answered his text, saying he and Eren were absolutely invited. Levi forced Eren to spend a little more time at the market, then walked back to his house with all his prizes.

“Thank you,” Levi told Eren, “for doing this with me today. I appreciate it.”

It had been a good afternoon. Eren hadn’t done anything weird at all.

“I was glad to go,” Eren said, kissing him.

Levi melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Eren’s neck. He liked how much taller Eren was than him, liked how neatly they fit against each other and how cozy and safe Eren’s arms made him feel.

Eren backed him up into the living room, pushing him gently against the couch. Levi had some regrets for the integrity of his couches, but Eren obliterated them when he unbuttoned Levi’s shirt and kissed down his chest to his navel. He stopped, mouth hovering Levi’s jeans, panting against the crotch.

“Can I?” he whispered. “I want to.”

“Yes,” Levi breathed.

Eren unzipped Levi’s jeans. Levi lifted his hips so Eren could pull his underwear down. Eren breathed hotly on Levi’s cock and Levi squirmed, almost unable to bear the stimulation. He’d wanted this for so long.

Eren licked a stripe up his cock, sucking on the head in a way that had Levi panting, a flush making his cheeks deep red. “You look amazing right now,” Eren said, reaching down to cup himself through his own jeans.

Eren deepthroated him in one go— _he must have had practice_ , Levi thought dimly—hollowing his cheeks and humming. Levi shouted, “Fuck!” and inexplicably punched Eren in the head.

Eren pulled off to whine, “Ow!”

“Sorry,” Levi breathed, pushing his head back down to his cock again.

Eren obliged. He couldn’t seem to stop himself from humming as he went down on Levi, showing off his lack of a gag reflex. Levi panted and squirmed, feet digging into the arm of the couch, his orgasm spiking higher and higher. Eren rolled his balls gently in his fingers, making Levi moan loudly. “Eren,” he panted, digging his fingers into Eren’s soft hair.

“It’s okay, Levi,” Eren said, breathless. “You can come on me.”

That pushed Levi over the edge. He came down Eren’s throat, pleasure pulsing through his body and seizing his muscles. When it ended, Levi flopped, boneless, back onto the couch, staring at the ceiling and letting his breathing return to normal. Eren crawled to his chest and tried to kiss him, but Levi had to shove him away, not wanting to taste himself.

“Good?” Eren asked tentatively.

Levi laughed, delirious. “More than good,” he assured him. He was a little embarrassed that he’d come so fast.

“Good,” Eren said. He snuggled against Levi.

“But what about you?” Levi asked.

“Don’t worry about me,” Eren yawned. “Today is about you.”

Something soft curled into Levi’s chest, warming him just as it had when Eren had first confessed his feelings. Levi stroked Eren’s beautiful hair, watched his beautiful eyes blink open and closed in sleepiness. Levi kissed his forehead. “Go ahead and take a nap,” Levi whispered. “I’ll watch over you.”

Eren smiled, eyes slipping shut. One of hands tangled itself in Levi’s. Levi watched Eren’s chest rise and fall and his expression smooth into peaceful relaxation, until Levi felt his own eyelids grow heavy and contentment surrounded him, more comforting than a thick, woolen blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that I never gave y'all my tumblr? It's [erenthebestjaeger](http://erenthebestjaeger.tumblr.com)! Come hang out with me!


	6. In Mikasa's House

When they woke up about an hour later, Levi made Eren dinner. He loved making food for Eren. Eren treated his dishes like ambrosia from Mount Olympus, loudly exclaiming over their excellence. Nothing puffed up Levi’s ego like seeing Eren enjoy his food.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Eren said.

“Hmm?” Levi responded absently, washing a pot while Eren had seconds.

“If something ever happened and I couldn’t eat your food anymore,” Eren clarified. “I’d probably just die.”

Levi snorted.

“I’m serious!” Eren insisted.

“It can’t be that good,” Levi said, just to hear Eren refute it.

He did, loudly and fervently. At that point, darkness was falling outside and it was about time to get to Mikasa’s. Eren helped him clean the rest of the dishes and they walked over. Levi could hear music coming from Mikasa’s house.

“Is she having a party?” Levi wondered. “Aren’t her parents home?”

“Who knows?” Eren said. “Let’s find out.”

They went through the unlocked front door and found that the music blared from the TV, where Hanji, Mikasa, and Connie Springer engaged in a fierce battle of _Just Dance_. Mikasa had apparently invited everyone she could think of. Mikasa’s parents’, chronic partiers themselves, didn’t really seem to mind. Her mother even made drinks for the of-age party-goers in the kitchen. Levi saw all his usual friends, Jean, Petra, Armin, Erwin nursing a beer in the corner, Ymir and Historia, Mina Carolina, even Lacey Falder and the guy she’d been all over earlier.

Levi left Erwin alone because he seemed to be in a heated debate with Armin over something—probably politics or another equally boring topic. Hanji acknowledged him with a, “You’d better play me next, Levi!” to which he shouted, “No, thanks!”

“Wow,” Eren laughed. “This is amazing. Is this a regular thing for the Ackermans?”

“When Mikasa’s around, yeah.” Levi and Eren wormed their way into the family room, where Petra and Auruo Bossard from Erwin’s office awkwardly flirted while Connie’s little siblings played a game of _Sorry_.

Levi snuggled up next to Eren on the couch. “Do you think they’d be a good couple?” he whispered, indicating Petra and Auruo. Sometimes, even Levi Ackerman was not immune to the Trost rumor mill.

Eren nodded seriously. “He’s goofy, but a sweet guy,” Eren whispered back. “Petra needs someone like that, doesn’t she?”

Levi traced Eren’s thumb with his own. “Yeah,” he said dreamily, almost jealous of Petra as she fumbled into a romance with Auruo. He wished he could have the experience of falling into a relationship with Eren again, wished he could experience those feelings of headiness and joyful realization again. Not that he wasn’t completely content with Eren in the present.

“You know what I heard from Rico yesterday during my shift?” Eren whispered conspiratorially into Levi’s ear, a promising start to a good bit of gossip. “Apparently, Armin and Jean have been spotted getting really close to each other at Reiss Bean and the movie theater.”

“No way,” Levi said. “Armin and Jean?”

Eren nodded vigorously, eyes crinkling in a smile. “I know, right? But when I asked Mikasa about it, she said she’s had some inklings that they’re interested in each other before.”

“Huh,” Levi mused. He didn’t think it was a bad couple—Armin could use someone extroverted like Jean to bring him out of his shell, and Jean could use someone calm like Armin to tone him down. “Interesting.”

“ _I_ personally think that Armin is leagues above Jean and is doing him a service by even looking at him,” Eren said, “but that’s just my opinion.”

Levi smiled and tweaked Eren’s nose.

“Hey!” Eren said playfully, slapping his hands away with no real fire. He caught one of Levi’s hands and pressed kisses to his knuckles. Levi melted again.

Lacey Falder ruined the moment when she marched into the room, shouting, “No!” and shoved away her friend. Trouble in paradise. Petra and Auruo jumped. One of the kids knocked over a game piece.

She stopped short when she saw all the people gathered. “Oh, shit, there’s people here,” she said, then gasped and covered her mouth. “Shit, I didn’t mean to swear in front of kids! I mean—”

“Lacey, come on, we can talk about this,” her boy said.

“No!” she snapped, and wheeled out of the room. He followed after her like a dejected puppy.

Eren met Levi’s eyes, already rising out of his seat to come to Lacey’s aid.

“No,” Levi warned.

“She needs help,” Eren insisted.

“Not our problem.”

“So I should I cut her up and leave her to dry?”

Levi exhaled. “That’s not what I’m saying,” he snapped.

Eren pushed himself to his feet. “I’m at least going to figure out what’s wrong,” he said resolutely, and left the room before Levi could argue further.

Levi felt a headache coming on, not just because of the loud music pouring from the living room. As he entered the hallway and made to follow Eren, Hanji came up and wrapped their arms around his waist. “Levi, my dude,” Hanji said. “Come fight me in _Just Dance_.”

“I’ll beat your ass any day, but right now I need to find Eren,” Levi responded. Somehow, he’d already managed to lose him.

Hanji frowned. “What’s the matter?”

“He thinks it’s his duty to solve other people’s problems,” Levi sighed.

“Did you say something?” Hanji asked.

“I did! But he doesn’t listen to me!”

“I’ll help you find him,” they said, “but remember, Levi.” Hanji placed their palms on both his cheeks. “Don’t get angry with him. Be calm.”

“I don’t know what that word means,” Levi said.

Hanji shook their head in mock despair and slapped Levi on the ass. “Come on, let’s find your lover boy,” they announced, much too loud.

Levi followed after Hanji, his butt smarting.

They found Eren outside on the porch with Lacey, speaking softly to her. Lacey was crying with the would-be boyfriend nowhere in sight.

“It’s just not fair!” Lacey wailed. “He thinks he can flirt with my friends and then come up to me like nothing ever happened! He’s an asshole!”

“He is an asshole,” Eren said, more gently than Levi thought he could manage. “You can’t let him ruin your entire night. You deserve a lot better.”

Levi opened the screen door, but Hanji didn’t move with him. “Come on,” Levi groused out.

“It’s not my duty to solve other people’s problems,” Hanji said innocently, and Levi rolled his eyes.

He stomped out onto the porch. Eren helped Lacey to her feet.

“I’m going home,” Lacey sniffed. “I just want to watch some anime and forget about it.”

“That sounds like a good plan,” Eren agreed. “I’ll walk you home.” He met Levi’s eyes silently and lifted an eyebrow, clearly asking, in an albeit saucy way, if Levi would give his permission.

Levi’s shoulders sagged. His mouth felt dry. He stepped aside so Eren and Lacey could pass.

“Thank you, Eren,” Lacey said. “I really appreciate it. I was worried that things might be weird between the three of us, because I, uh, you know, used to have a thing for you, Eren, but I’m glad that we can be friends.”

“Me, too,” Eren said, smiling at Levi.

Eren led her back into the house. Levi placed his elbows on the porch railing, staring out at the darkened backyard. The thick cloud cover over the moon prevented him from seeing much. Levi sighed and went back into the house.

He beat Hanji at a couple rounds of _Just Dance_ , waiting for Eren to return. He nearly lost an eye when Hanji’s Wii remote flew out of their hand in a vigorous attempt to master the dance moves.

When he stepped out the front door for a breath of fresh air, he saw Eren coming up the driveway much sooner than he expected. “Doesn’t Lacey live on the other side of town?” Levi asked. A fifteen-minute walk one way if one went slowly.

“Yeah, but we didn’t even make it to our neighborhood before she waved me off,” Eren said, chewing on his bottom lip. “She said she felt bad making me walk her home and told me she could make it the rest of the way herself. Didn’t even relent when I insisted I didn’t mind.” He shook his head, perplexed. “Do you think I should have walked her home, anyways? It’s late and she’s alone.”

“This is Trost,” Levi said. “Everybody knows everybody. The worst crime we’ve ever had is when Connie dared Jean to steal Sasha’s prize potato.”

Eren smiled, but it was clearly forced. Levi could tell it would bother him until he made sure Lacey was safe.

“Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something,” Levi began, his hands a little clammy. He sat on the front stoop and Eren followed suit. “You know, you didn’t have to do all that for Lacey tonight. It’s none of our business and—I don’t know. She would have been fine, anyways.”

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be nice?” Eren asked, sounding amused.

Levi exhaled, rubbing his temples. “I think sometimes you’re _too_ nice,” he muttered. “There’s nothing wrong with helping people out, but—you don’t even really know Lacey. Why would you give her a pep-talk and walk her all the way home?”

Eren frowned. “I really don’t see how this is an issue,” he said.

“It’s too much, Eren,” Levi groaned. “Calling our waitress by name, holding Lacey’s hand, holding the door when someone’s a mile away—it’s embarrassing!”

“I’m not going to apologize for being polite to people,” Eren snapped. “I think you’re being over sensitive.”

“Me?” Levi was flabbergasted. “What the fuck?”

“Yes, you,” Eren said. “It’s like you think you have to maintain this image all the time. Which is fine! I put up with it! But I put up with that from you without saying anything, so you can put up with me holding doors for people.”

Levi’s cheeks burned again and not from any fuzzy feelings. “Don’t fucking turn this around on me,” he said. “I don’t have an _image_. You’re trying to convince everyone around you that you’re the second coming of Jesus!”

“Wow.” Eren stood up. “I’m not having this argument with you.”

“We’re not arguing!” Levi tried to say, but Eren brushed past him into the house.

As soon as the door slammed behind Eren, regret filled Levi. How could he have been so stupid to criticize Eren for helping people? Levi dropped his head into his hands, focusing on breathing evenly. He was an asshole.

Knowing he had no other option than to find Eren and apologize, he trudged back into the house. Everyone else seemed to be having a great time. Jean and Armin had stolen away into a corner, laughing and sharing sips of beer. Mikasa was still going on _Just Dance_ , creaming all her competitors. Hanji was telling a loud, animated story filled with exuberant gestures to a crowd of avid listeners. Levi went upstairs where the music was fainter, where no one else was. Mikasa’s bedroom light was on. He found Eren sitting on Mikasa’s bed, shoulders heaving, crying.

“Oh, Eren,” Levi said.

“I’m sorry,” Eren gasped. “I’m not crying because of—because of you. I’m crying because our fight reminded me of something.”

Levi didn’t know if that made him feel better or worse. He sat next to Eren and wrapped his arms around him, pressing his cheek into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “That was incredibly immature of me.”

“Yeah.” Eren laughed, shaky. Levi handed him a tissue. Eren blew his nose and tossed it into the garbage. “I said some rude things, too. I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t have to apologize,” Levi said. “I provoked you.”

“Maybe, but I didn’t have to say that.”

They lapsed into silence. Eren’s sniffles grew less frequent. He grasped one of Levi’s hands.

“You just reminded me of something,” Eren said. “My parents. I really do miss my parents a lot. I just—” Eren shook his head. “My parents died because they were driving out to visit me. But it shouldn’t have happened. It could have been avoided.”

“You can’t know that for certain,” Levi said.

Eren shook his head again. “The only reason my parents drove out to see me was because I always refused to drive out to see _them_. I always claimed to be too busy, but really, I didn’t want to take the time out of my day to see them. I thought I was some big-shot, just graduated from college but already landing a company job at an important city. I didn’t care enough to see my own goddamned parents. I barely called them, you know, could go months without talking to them. And they missed me. So they decided to drive out to see me because I wouldn’t even give them the time of day. And then they died in a car crash.”

Eren shuddered. “And I keep thinking that if I had been a better son, if I had been _kinder_ to them, that it wouldn’t have happened. Maybe I would have been the one getting into an accident on the road, but much better me than them.”

“Eren!” Levi said, shocked.

“I wouldn’t do something like that,” Eren assured him. “But I can’t help but think that I’m responsible for their deaths. So maybe that’s why I’ve been so focused on being excessively kind to people. Maybe that’s why I felt like I had to walk Lacey home tonight. Because if I’m kind, maybe I can prevent something terrible from happening to somebody else. And a human being won’t have to _die_ because of me.”

“Eren, sometimes things happen that we can’t control,” Levi said. “You aren’t responsible for what happened to your parents.”

Eren smiled sadly and kissed Levi’s forehead. “Thank you for saying that,” he said. “I don’t know if I can believe you yet.”

“Try,” Levi urged.

“I will,” Eren promised. He kissed Levi again. “For you.” Eren cradled his face, staring at him in a way that felt reverent, almost scary in a way. “Can I say something even crazier?” Eren whispered. “I know we’ve only known each other for a couple months, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You’re the most precious person in the world to me. I think I might be in love with you.”

Levi’s heart stopped beating for a moment. He felt like he had the first time his mother took him to the ocean, dipping his toes into the water, watching it envelop his ankles, then his thighs, then his chest; and slowly slip over his head, the water dancing with light and color, slipping gently into his lungs as the world narrowed down into a single emotion.

“My father used to make my siblings and I kneel on rocks as punishment,” he said. “It didn’t hurt at first, but after three hours it felt like knives stabbing into my skin.”

Eren met his gaze with open astonishment. “I didn’t know that,” he said carefully, as though coaxing someone down from a rooftop. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me that.”

Levi felt warm and cold all over, giddy with excitement and liable to burst into tears. “I think I love you, too,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss Eren.

He let his eyes fall shut. Eren rubbed up and down his back, soothingly—and wasn’t that wrong? Did he come up here to comfort Eren, not the other way around?—and his headache melted away and a pulse thudded in his ears.

“I do love you,” Levi said, marveling. He’d never been in love before. “I love you, Eren. I love you.”

Eren laughed, joyful, kissing every part of Levi he could reach. “I know,” he said. “I know.”

The door was kicked open. “Oh, there you are,” Mikasa said. “You better not have fucked on my bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! I know the story's in a slow part right now, but reviews let me know how I'm doing and it's good to know what people thought of this chapter.
> 
> Things in the story are going to pick up very soon.
> 
> My [tumblr](http://erenthebestjaeger.tumblr.com)


	7. In the7777777whereami

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I strongly recommend that you check the warnings on this fic before preceding with this chapter.

Things were going amazing for Levi. Better than amazing.

Rico had a cold so Levi didn’t have to deal with her bitchy ass all week at the library. Sasha actually helped quite a bit with the potatoes on Wednesday (though a few went missing) and everyone loved them at Mrs. Arlert’s birthday party. The new vacuum he’d ordered online finally arrived and it sucked up dirt like no one’s business. Mikasa announced that she’d gotten accepted into the honors program at her college. He’d eaten the entire pie he bought from Mrs. Ackerman in two days and didn’t regret it.

And Eren loved him. He loved Eren.

He woke up and, if Eren wasn’t already in his bed, sauntered over to Eren’s house for breakfast and morning breath kisses. On shifts at the library he didn’t have with Eren, Levi counted down the hours until he could see him again. They went grocery shopping together. They cleaned their houses together. Eren even left the bathroom door open when he took a shit. Jean swore they had become a sappy, old married couple, while Hanji inspected their hands to see if they were actually glued together like the rumors said.

Levi had never been happier in his life.

But something came along to mar it.

Lacey Falder hadn’t ever returned home that night.

It was bizarre. There was absolutely no trace of her. She seemed to have winked out of existence. Eren spoke to the police, as the last person to have seen her, but didn’t have anything for them beyond what he’d told Levi. Eren was absolutely distraught, and Levi completely understood why. Here he’d helped out Lacey because he thought it was the right thing to do and she had gone missing anyways. What did that say about kindness?

When Eren first heard, he yelled out, “Fuck!” in frustration and kicked his couch. Then he yelped and reeled in pain.

“Eren!” Levi cautioned.

“It’s my fucking fault!” Eren hissed viciously. “How could I have let her walk home alone at night? What the fuck was I thinking? So fucking stupid!”

“Nobody could have known what would happen,” Levi said. “Trost hasn’t had a crime like this in over a decade.”

“It doesn’t matter what Trost’s crime record is,” Eren said. “I made a mistake and now Lacey’s suffering for it. I could have walked her home. It would’ve scared off her kidnapper. But I didn’t, and now she could be dead, Levi! She could be dead!”

Eren remained inconsolable for quite some time. Levi didn’t know what to do to help him, so threw himself into activities to distract Eren—movies, events in Shiganshina, even blow jobs.

When a week passed and nothing had been heard about poor Lacey Falder, most people lost hope. Eren attended mass grim-faced, praying behind tight lips.

But even Eren, with the guilt he felt, couldn’t stay miserable forever. Eventually, Levi saw him start to smile again and make an effort to put Lacey’s unfortunate situation from his mind. “You’re right,” he told Levi quietly one day. “I didn’t know what would happen.”

And life continued on pleasantly for Levi, once the shock of Lacey’s disappearance had passed.

\- - - - -

Levi decided he wanted to repaint his living room. It was presently a mild tan color, and Levi thought his living room would benefit from a bit more color.

“I can’t believe you’re saying that to me,” Eren said, lounging on the couch, watching Levi examine different paint stubs he’d hung up on the wall. “You love the color tan.”

“Tan is boring,” Levi muttered. “Tan is out.”

Eren grinned widely. “Levi, am I making you branch out? Are you inspired by my red walls?”

The Jaeger house, Levi had learned, was Eren’s childhood home and as a toddler he’d insisted on having his bedroom walls firetruck red. The affront of a color had survived over twenty years.

“Those walls are a slumbering threat to humanity,” Levi grumbled.

“Hmm, I think there are things much more threatening in my house,” Eren said. “Like you, for example, when I told you I don’t have any paprika.”

Levi huffed. “How can someone not have paprika in their home?”

“It’s too spicy!” Eren complained.

“I don’t even want to think about all the bland-ass food you must have choked down before I met you,” Levi said. “You’re lucky I saved you.” He pointed to a light green. “How about this color?”

Eren squinted. “Does it match the furniture?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.”

“Levi, I painted my walls red so I don’t know if I’m the best person to ask. You should ask Erwin!” Eren brightened up. “Erwin is always dressed tastefully.”

“Uh, that’s because he wears whatever his mom tells him to. Erwin’s mother is tasteful. Erwin is not.”

“Maybe you should ask Erwin’s mother, then.”

Levi sighed, plopping himself next to Eren on the couch. Eren immediately wrapped his arms around Levi and went it for a kiss. “No, no,” Levi said. “I need to decide on this quickly because I made an appointment with the Home Depot people all the way in Shiganshina for tomorrow.”

Eren stifled a laugh. “You made an appointment . . . with Home Depot?”

“Yes?” Levi snapped. “Is that a problem?”

“Not at all, love,” Eren said sweetly. “What time tomorrow? I’ll come with you. I know how much you hate dealing with other human beings.”

“My hero,” Levi said, and let Eren kiss him this time.

\- - - - -

Levi strode into Home Depot with purpose, his boyfriend at his side, armed with twenty different paint stubs. He lost some of his cool veneer when he saw the gigantic wall of paint stubs again, even more intimidating under the florescent lights. A salesperson strode up to him. “Hello there, I’m Jenny!” she said brightly. “Welcome to Home Depot! Are you Mr. Ackerman?”

“Yes,” Levi said.

“Hello, Jenny,” Eren said. “Thank you for welcoming us to Home Depot.”

Jenny cracked an awkward smile, and Eren looked at Levi in a way that told him he was just fucking with them both.

“Those are some nice paint stubs you have on that wall, Jenny,” Eren continued. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but are they perhaps color-coded?”

“They are indeed color-coded, Mr—”

Jenny fumbled. Eren saved her with a, “Ackerman will do.”

Jenny looked between the both of them with confusion. “Uh, right! Anyways, Mr. Ackerman, sir, you said you wanted for a nice shade of green?”

“Yeah. Here’s a picture of my living room.” Levi fished his phone out of his pocket and showed it to the lady.

“Pardon me, Jenny,” Eren said. He had meandered over to the green portion of the paint stub wall and looked intently at a single stub in his hand. “This color is called solemn rain forest. Do I detect a hint of green within the solemn rain forest?”

Levi barely held in a snort of laughter. Jenny looked to her coworkers some feet away for help. “Stop,” Levi muttered, elbowing Eren.

“I can’t help it,” Eren whispered. “It’s like some asshole has taken control of my body.” He gasped. “Do you think you’re becoming more like me and I’m becoming more like you?”

Levi elbowed him harder this time. Jenny returned with her coworker who introduced himself as Dan.

“I just want a nice green color,” Levi said hurriedly, before Eren could get a word in. He showed Dan the picture of the living room while Jenny inched slowly away.

“Ah, I can think of several shades right away that will work,” Dan said knowingly and said a gaily, “Excuse me, sir,” to Eren, who still blocked the greens.

Eren walked off while Dan showed Levi various shades of green. It was just as bad as having them in his living room. Levi still couldn’t decide.

“If you’re still not sure, we have small cans available for five dollars so you can paint a small section of your living room to see how it looks,” Dan said with the practice ease of someone who had sold too many paint cans.

“Really?” Levi said, relieved. “I’ll take one of—” Dammit. “Solemn rain forest,” he muttered.

“Levi, I found just the right paint color for you,” Eren announced, sticking a stub under his nose. It was the exact same color currently on Levi’s walls.

“No, thank you, Eren,” Levi said.

“Mr. Ackerman, Mr. Ackerman said that he wants something on the greener side,” Dan said, very gently.

“No, this is perfect,” Eren insisted. “Tan is _in_ , Levi.”

“I’m going to kill you,” Levi said.

“I want twenty cans,” Eren told Dan imperiously, “enough to cover every single wall of the Ackerman household. And if I have leftover cans, I’ll come over to your house and paint all of _your_ walls. You should consider this a great service.”

“We’ll just take the small can of solemn rain forest,” Levi said, shoving Eren aside. He went bowling into a display table.

“Whoopsies!” Eren said as a pile of brushes soared to the ground.

“You have got to be shitting me,” Dan said.

Levi went home approximately half an hour later, missing some of his ability to hear after the manager chewed out Eren, but having gained a small can of solemn rain forest and seventeen new paint brushes.

“I can’t ever return there because of you,” Levi groaned, getting into the passenger seat of Eren’s red Ford Explorer. Fuck, this asshole really liked red.

“Because of me?” Eren said mildly. “You’re the one who pushed me into the display table. Also, I can’t believe you actually bought solemn rain forest.”

“I might not use it,” Levi said, holding his precious cargo close to his chest.

Before returning home, Levi made Eren stop at Mikasa’s house so he could try to convince her that she desperately needed seventeen new paint brushes. But then he had to explain how he came into possession of seventeen brand-spanking new paint brushes, and she laughed so hard he couldn’t convince her to take _one_ paint brush. Then he tried to convince Erwin and Hanji that they really, really wanted seventeen brand-spanking, fresh off the factory line new paint brushes. But then Eren had to re-enact falling into the display for Hanji, and their hooting laugh echoed around the entire world, eliminating the last remaining willpower of Levi’s poor eardrums. And still no one would take his seventeen fucking brand-spanking fucking factory fresh fucking new paint brushes.

Levi did ended up painting a small section of his living room wall solemn rain forest green (with his new paint brush). “Do you like it?” Levi asked as he sat on the couch with Eren and watched it dry. It was just an engaging an activity as the saying always made it out to be.

“I actually do kind of like it,” Eren said. “Perhaps it’s the solemnness radiating out from the subtlety of the rain forest?”

Levi went to elbow him, but remembered the outcome of the last time he did that. He texted the group chat and asked if he could pay anyone to get a couple cans of paint from Home Depot tomorrow.

Levi grew sick of craning his neck every five minutes to stare at the patch of green on his wall and wondering if it really did look good or if it was a trick of the light. So he made dinner at Eren’s. Eren insisted on helping tonight, as though he wasn’t a disaster in the kitchen. (Maybe from lingering guilt over the hole in Levi’s wallet caused by too many fucking paint brushes?) Levi made him slice the bread, the only thing Eren could accomplish without butchering the food.

“Eren, you don’t need to attack the bread like you’re sawing off a leg.” Levi watched Eren’s unorthodox slicing method.

“But it works,” Eren said. “Voilà! Ten slices of leg for Levi.”

“Stop being creepy,” Levi said.

“Hey, you’re the one who brought up sawed-off legs.”

After dinner, Levi curled up on the couch, his head resting on Eren’s chest, and watched some TV until he felt himself drifting off. He always had a rough time falling asleep, but that was before he met Eren; having someone in his bed had done wonders for getting him to sleep on time. He’d never felt more well-rested in his life. On the rare times he didn’t share a bed with Eren, it took him hours to fall asleep, and he woke up early, cranky, with a terrible headache. Eren smoothed his headaches away, took away the tossing and turning, the sour mood. Eren made everything okay.

Levi woke up to the shrill ringing of the alarm. Eren groaned. Levi slapped it off. “Go back to sleep,” he told Eren, kissing his forehead. Levi had to work today, but Eren didn’t.

“Can’t,” Eren said, shambling out of bed. He always looked like a zombie in the morning, his hair in disarray. Levi tamped down a laugh at Eren’s disgruntled expression. “Got errands to run today.”

“What type of errands?” Levi was already on his feet and into the adjoining bathroom. He was much more of a morning person than Eren.

Eren stared at his feet, blinking away sleepiness, momentarily unable to answer. Levi got out his toothbrush. Eren let out a huge yawn. “Bank,” he said around it. “Then I have to find something to send to my grandparents for their anniversary. Then Home Depot.”

Levi pointed his toothbrush threateningly at Eren. “Don’t you dare go to Home Depot today.”

“Kidding, just kidding.”

Levi showered and made breakfast before Eren could even get himself downstairs to make coffee. “So tired,” Eren whined feebly, slumped at the kitchen table.

“There was no need for you to get up at the same time as me today.” Levi shook his head.

Eren squinted at him. “But I wanted to see you before you left for work,” he mumbled.

Levi never knew what to say when Eren revealed something like that. Flushing, he stuck his head into the fridge to dig out the lunch he’d packed the night before and said, “I don’t want you losing sleep over me.”

“Worth it,” Eren said, flashing Levi a dopey smile. Levi’s chest tightened. Fuck, he loved this idiot so much.

By the time Levi was ready to leave for work, Eren had managed to shower and dress himself. They left the house at the same time. “Did you eat anything?” Levi asked.

“Nah, I’ll get a scone at Reiss Bean,” Eren said. “Those scones are damn good.”

Levi snorted. “Stop eating dessert for breakfast. You’re going to get fat.”

Eren gaped. “I am not fat!”

“I didn’t say you were. I said that you’re going to be.” Levi poked him in the stomach.

“Levi, come on,” Eren whined. “Be nice to me.”

Levi smiled. “I am nice to you.”

Eren pretended to pout. Levi reached up to pull him down for a kiss. Eren hummed happily against his lips. “Goodbye,” he whispered. “See you at five.”

“See you,” Levi whispered back.

“I love you,” Eren said, and waited patiently for Levi to say it back even though Levi squirmed in his arms.

“Love you, too,” Levi muttered. He was so bad at displaying his emotions, but Eren understood that. He beamed and kissed Levi again.

“I’m going to be late,” Levi said, swatting him away.

Eren laughed. “Okay, okay, I guess I’ll let you go.”

Eren waited until Levi had reached the end of the street and passed out of sight before getting into his car and driving away, as he always did. Overprotective. Levi didn’t really mind. The wonderfully clear sky and stretch of warm weather they’d been having, the trilling birds, all propped up his mood. Not to mention how sweet Eren had been this morning. Levi walked to the library in a daydream, thinking of what he would say to Eren when he got home, if he had enough breadcrumbs to make Eren’s favorite meal for dinner tonight, if he could convince Eren to wear that tight blue shirt tomorrow.

He got all the way to the library before he realized that he’d left his phone on Eren’s nightstand. “Dammit,” Levi muttered. He hurried into the library to explain to Ian, who was filling in for the Wicked Witch of the West (Rico), that he had to race back home.

“No problem, Levi,” Ian said. “Things are pretty slow right now and Mikasa’s here to help out. Don’t feel any need to rush.”

Levi _did_ rush home, feeling around in his pocket for the key Eren had given him to his house. He doubt he actually needed it—Eren rarely locked his doors, like everyone else in Trost. He’d never actually been in Eren’s house before without Eren himself, but why should that be an issue? Eren had been in _his_ house before without him. Levi resisted the urge to run down the streets like a maniac. Fuck, he hated being late to work. He was so lucky Rico was sick.

He turned back onto his street, Eren’s house like a beacon in the distance. His first walk had been pleasant, but now his shirt stuck to his skin and he couldn’t wait to get out of the heat. Levi tried the door handle without taking out his key. It was locked. Weird. Whatever. Eren could be a little weird sometimes. He unlocked the door and hustled inside, not even stopping to take off his shoes. His phone was right on the nightstand where he thought it should be. “I am such a dumbass,” he groaned out loud to himself.

Levi went back downstairs to get himself a glass of water. Rushing from library to home had really made him thirsty. He rounded the corner once he reached the end of the stairs, walking down the short hallway into Eren’s kitchen.

Lacey Falder’s head was on the kitchen table.

Levi screamed and flung his hands out in front of him.

Blood dripped onto the floor.

Two thighs with deep gouges worn into them sat on the counter. An arm rested in a plate Levi had eaten off of.

“Oh, God,” Levi said. “Oh, God, oh God, oh God.”

His hands shook so badly he couldn’t lift his phone to his face.

“911,” he whimpered. He couldn’t type in his passcode. His vision swam. “Help,” he whispered. “Help me. Oh, God.”

“God fucking dammit,” someone said behind him.

Levi turned around. Eren advanced towards him, swinging a metal pole in his left hand.

“You’re not supposed to fucking be here,” Eren reprimanded him. “You’re supposed to be at work.”

“Eren,” Levi said pathetically. “Eren, help.”

Eren sighed loudly, rolling his eyes to the heavens. “Now, I have to change things,” Eren said. He took a step closer. Levi took a step back. “Now, I have to do it all over again. Because you fucking came home when you weren’t supposed to.”

“Eren, help me,” Levi said.

“Hush, Levi,” Eren said. “Stand still.”

He swung the pole into Levi’s head.

\- - - - - 

Mommy held Levi’s hand tight when she led him to the ocean. Don’t go too far from me and don’t stray towards your father, she told him, and Levi knew, he knew he knew I know I knew. The waves jumped over his toes and the sand sucked at him like greedy little mouths wanting to pull him underneath. Levi wanted to see more, explore more, and he always had and a metal pole to the head. Do not stray, Mommy told him, face contorted, twisted into seaweed. I know I know I know I know Mommy I know I fucked up Mommy the sand sucked at Levi’s toes. Levi wandered further into the waves. They rose higher and higher, singing a song, telling him he looked nice, that he had such cute ears, such soft lips and he wanted to touch them wanted to be able to caress those lips with his own watery fingers and sink himself deep inside Levi. So Levi waded up to his waist. The waves lapped at his stomach and Levi wanted more, wanted to feel what it was like to press against another person and feel loved, feel loved and not flinch; so he waded until his head was underwater. He couldn’t breathe. Lungs fill and burst. The waves are still singing a siren song. Everything will be alright, Levi, they say, if you come and love me. So he comes and he knows he is alright even though he is drowning even though he is underneath, even though he looks up towards the sky and only see the glinting of sunlight obscuring the sky and even though Eren locked his door. His lungs are bursting. Come under. It is too late. There is a tide. He will be swept under and pulled apart and minced and placed into sauce. Levi I am so sorry I never should have stayed with your daddy for so long I am so sorry please forgive me Levi my baby. Levi remembers blood on the floor and in his hair and can taste it on his tongue feel it swirling around his skull and where is he?

Mommy had hauled him out by his ankles, sopping wet, her hair in tangles over her face. “Why don’t you ever listen?” she sobbed, while Daddy stared in the distance.

\- - - - -

Things were going amazing for Levi. Better than amazing.

Rico had a cold so Levi didn’t have to deal with her bitchy ass all week at the library. Sasha actually helped quite a bit with the potatoes on Wednesday (though a few went missing) and everyone loved them at Mrs. Arlert’s birthday party. The new vacuum he’d ordered online finally arrived and it sucked up dirt like no one’s business. Mikasa announced that she’d gotten accepted into the honors program at her college. He’d eaten the entire pie he bought from Mrs. Ackerman in two days and didn’t regret it.

And Eren loved him. He loved Eren.

He woke up and, if Eren wasn’t already in his bed, sauntered over to Eren’s house for breakfast and morning breath kisses. On shifts at the library he didn’t have with Eren, Levi counted down the hours until he could see him again. They went grocery shopping together. They cleaned their houses together. Eren even left the bathroom door open when he took a shit. Jean swore they had become a sappy, old married couple, while Hanji inspected their hands to see if they were actually glued together like the rumors said.

Levi had never been happier in his life.

But something came along to mar it.

Lacey Falder hadn’t ever returned home that night.

It was bizarre. There was absolutely no trace of her. She seemed to have winked out of existeifsjdosajiosojdiafojaisklzsfjioamklxc

\- - - - -

Things were going amazing for Levi. Better than amazing.

Rico had a cold so Levi didn’t have to deal with her bitchy ass all week at the library. Sasha actually helped quite a bit with the potatoes on Wednesday—even though the fucking cow helped herself to too many—and everyone loved them at Mrs. Arlert’s birthday party. The new vacuum he’d ordered online finally arrived and it sucked up dirt like no one’s business. Mikasa announced that she’d gotten accepted into the honors program at her college. He’d eaten the entire pie he bought from Mrs. Ackerman in two days and didn’t regret it.

And Eren loved him. He loved Eren.

He woke up and, if Eren wasn’t already in his bed, sauntered over to Eren’s house for breakfast and morning breath kisses. On shifts at the library he didn’t have with Eren, Levi counted down the hours until he could see him again. They went grocery shopping together. They cleaned their houses together. Eren even left the bathroom door open when he took a shit. Jean swore they had become a sappy, old married couple, while Hanji inspected their hands to see if they were actually glued together like the rumors said.

Levi had never been happier in his life.

Levi decided he wanted to repaint his living room. It was presently a mild tan color, and Levi thought his living room would benefit from a bit more color.

“Levi, can we do anything other than look at paint right now?” Eren whined, lounging on the couch, watching Levi examine different paint stubs he’d hung up on the wall. “I’m so bored.” He patted the space next to him on the couch. “Let’s make out instead.”

Levi sighed, plopping himself next to Eren on the couch. Eren immediately wrapped his arms around Levi and went it for a kiss. “No, no,” Levi said. “I need to decide on this quickly because I made an appointment with the Home Depot people all the way in Shiganshina for tomorrow.”

“Oh, come on, Levi,” Eren said. “I really, really don’t want to have to go to Home Depot again. Just cancel the appointment. I know exactly what color you’ll like, anyways. Let me pick it up for you.”

“We’ve never been to Home Depot together before,” Levi said, frowning.

“Yes, we have,” Eren assured him. “You just don’t remember.”

“Well, if you really think you found a good color, I guess you could pick it up for me tomorrow,” Levi said. “You can buy a small can for only five dollars so we can test it out on the walls. Not sure where I heard that, though.”

“For now, let’s just stay here and watch a movie or something,” Eren said, pulling Levi into his chest.

Levi agreed. First, however, he had to whip up dinner from whatever food was lying around in his fridge. Eren insisted on helping tonight, as though he wasn’t a disaster in the kitchen. Levi made him slice the bread, the only thing Eren could accomplish without butchering the food.

“Eren, you don’t need to attack the bread like you’re sawing off a leg.” Levi watched Eren’s unorthodox slicing method.

“Ha,” Eren said. “Cutting off legs. That’s really funny, Levi.”

“If you don’t like my jokes you can just say so,” Levi muttered.

Eren’s expression morphed into frustrated irritation, but faster than Levi even registered that he was irritated, it smoothed out; the corners of his mouth slightly lifted, eyebrows flat.

“I _do_ like your jokes,” Eren said. “Sorry. I guess I’m feeling a little off today.”

“I can tell,” Levi grumbled.

But Eren sidled over to him and pressed kisses all over his face, and Levi couldn’t really stay mad for long. He sighed, leaning against Eren as he went through dinner preparations. Eren’s arms rested around his waist, his chin atop Levi’s head, but strangely enough, he felt hotter than he normally did, almost burning.

“Are you getting sick?” Levi asked, twisting around to press a palm to Eren’s forehead.

“No, I feel fine,” Eren assured him.

“You’re burning up.”

“It’s because I’m near you,” Eren said and Levi turned back to the stove so he didn’t have to see Eren’s cheesy expression.

After dinner, Levi curled up on the couch, his head resting on Eren’s chest, and watched some TV until he felt himself drifting off. He always had a rough time falling asleep, but that was before he met Eren; having someone in his bed had done wonders for getting him to sleep on time. He’d never felt more well-rested in his life. On the rare times he didn’t share a bed with Eren, it took him hours to fall asleep, and he woke up early, cranky, with a terrible headache. Eren smoothed his headaches away, took away the tossing and turning, the sour mood. Eren made everything okay.

\- - - - -

Levi woke up to Eren presses kisses over his face. This wasn’t the first time he’d been woken up in the middle of the night so Eren could slip his shorts down and press his cock between his thighs. He still hadn’t actually fucked him yet.

“Levi, let’s play hide and seek,” Eren whispered.

“What?” Levi mumbled. “It’s the middle of the night. No thanks.”

“Come on,” Eren whined. He kissed the shell of Levi’s ear. “I’ll do anything you want afterwards.”

Levi’s cock twitched at his tone. “Anything?”

Eren laughed, low, into his ear. “Yes, anything.”

Levi rolled over to squint at what he could see of Eren’s features in the moonlight, stretching his arms above his head. “Why do you want to play hide and seek in the middle of the night?” he asked. “I’m fucking tired.”

“I was having a strange dream, remembering how I used to sneak out of the house to do the same with my friends,” Eren said. “Armin and Mikasa and I used to run around Shiganshina like bandits.”

“You . . . and Armin and Mikasa?” Levi yawned, already liable to drop back into sleep.

Eren pinched his cheeks. Levi twitched. “Yes. Come on, let’s go. It’ll be fine.”

“It’s a little weird, Eren.”

“I don’t think so. Besides, you’ve said so yourself how quiet and safe Trost is. We just need to be careful not to wake anyone.”

“Okay,” Levi said, pushing himself onto his elbows.

“How about this?” Eren asked. “Your house and my house are our play area. Only outside.”

Levi let another huge yawn, slipping out from underneath Eren to rummage around for his sweat pants. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he groaned.

Outside was cool, but not terribly chilly, the sky partially covered by clouds. Eren’s house across the street seemed as though from another world, a dark, shadowed mountain under the moonlight, windows glinting and Eren’s car a sleeping giant. Levi stayed still on his front porch and breathed in the cool air, like a splash of water down his throat.

“You’re not scared, are you?” Eren teased.

Levi rolled his eyes. Nighttime had always been his cover as a child, a comfort, a stowaway.

“Have you never honestly played hide and seek in the dark before?” Eren asked. “Not even as a kid?”

“I did, but I called it running away so my father wouldn’t beat the shit out of me,” Levi replied.

“Hm, well, that’s . . . Okay. You count off first.”

“One,” Levi intoned, turning around and covering his eyes.

“Hey!” Eren exclaimed. “Give me a chance to get ready.”

“Two,” Levi said.

Eren huffed. The stairs creaked as he went down. Levi heard his feet _pat pat pat_ lightly against the grass, and then nothing more. His own whispered counting and slightly heavy breathing took up all of his awareness. His darkness, his friend, grew choking. “Twenty, twenty one,” he gasped. He opened his eyes wide. The familiar wooden beams of his porch, white paint peeling in flakes.

“Thirty,” he whispered. Louder, “I’m coming, Eren.”

Silence. Levi descended the squeaky steps, debating whether he’d heard Eren turn left or right. He decided to head into his backyard. The damp grass soaked through his sandals to catch his socks. Levi grimaced. The things he did for Eren. He really needed to cut the grass, too. Maybe Friday.

Where could a man Eren’s size hide here? Levi swept his gaze over his small backyard. Probably not here. The only place to hide was underneath the back porch and behind the grill. Levi checked both with no success. Maybe he’d laid down in the bushes bordering his neighbor’s yard? No, even Eren wouldn’t make himself that dirty just for a silly game.

Levi yawned again. Fuck, and he had to work tomorrow.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Levi whispered, just to freak Eren out.

But Eren didn’t seem to be in his backyard. Sighing, Levi trudged across the street to Eren’s house. Eren had much better places to hide over there.

The moonlight pushed through the clouds just for second. Levi froze in the middle of the street. Under the light, Eren’s house bore an uncanny resemblance to his childhood home. “Jesus,” Levi whispered.

Arms wrapped around his torso. “Gotcha!” said a voice in his ear.

Levi threw out an elbow without thinking. Eren choked and stumbled backwards. Levi wheeled around, fist raised for another strike, but then recognized his boyfriend, doubled over on the ground.

“Wow,” Eren wheezed. “Who knew those skinny arms could deliver so much force?”

“Sorry,” Levi said, helping him up. “You freaked me out.”

“Okay, I shouldn’t have done that,” Eren said. “But I couldn’t resist. You even checked underneath the porch, but you didn’t see me.”

Levi huffed. “Really? You were there? Dammit.”

“Your turn,” Eren said, kissing his cheek to show Levi he wasn’t really mad, even though his stomach throbbed like a motherfucker.

“Let’s get off the street, first,” Levi said, though no cars had passed by yet.

They returned to Levi’s porch. Eren covered his eyes and started the countdown.

Levi hurried down the stairs, wondering where he could hide. Where would he go if he was five years old and his father had just come home drunk? The closet, Levi thought, but Eren had said they couldn’t go inside.

“Nine, ten, eleven,” Eren said.

Levi ran up quietly to Eren’s driveway. The car? No, Eren would catch him right away. Levi looked at Eren’s garage. An idea bloomed in his mind. He sprinted towards the garage and launched himself at the wall. He climbed up swiftly and silently, grinning. Eren would never catch him. He flattened himself against the roof. Eren called out, “Thirty!”

Eren first went to his backyard, as Levi had done. Levi rested his cheek against the rough tiles, waiting. If Eren didn’t find him, he might fall asleep right here. After a couple minutes, Levi heard Eren come back over. “Where is he?” Eren muttered, rummaging around through Levi’s front bushes. Ugh, those needed a trim, too.

Levi lowered his head. He didn’t want Eren to catch any sudden movements. Eren crossed the street and did a much more thorough search of his own front yard. “Goddammit, Levi, where are you?” Eren growled. He stomped off around the house. Levi resisted the urge to laugh.

He didn’t know how much time passed. Levi actually dozed a little on the hard roof, the strangest images floating through his mind. His mother combing her long, dark hair in front of the mirror. Sorting shells with his siblings on the beach. The day that Eren moved in, taste of strawberries, watching his back muscles ripple.

“I give up!” Eren cried. “Where are you?”

“Here,” Levi announced, just above him. Eren jumped. Levi laughed.

“You little shit!” Eren let out. “You actually climbed onto the roof?”

“Yep.” Levi swung his legs over the edge. Eren held out his arms as if to catch him, but Levi dropped down without assistance. “Come on. Let’s go back to bed. I’m fucking tired.”

“Fine,” Eren said. “It’s a tie, though, so that means we’ll have to do this again sometime.”

“Maybe when I don’t have work the next day?”

Levi intended to make Eren fulfill his promise—that he would let Levi do whatever he wanted—but when they got inside, Levi was so tired he couldn’t even take his shoes off without Eren’s help. He dropped asleep in his arms, clutching Eren tightly.

\- - - - -

Levi woke up to the shrill ringing of the alarm. Eren groaned. Levi slapped it off. “Go back to sleep,” he told Eren, kissing his forehead. Levi had to work today, but Eren didn’t.

It was such a gorgeous day outside. The wonderfully clear sky and stretch of warm weather they’d been having, the trilling birds, all propped up his mood. Not to mention how cute a sleepy Eren had been this morning. Something nagged at him, but he pushed the uncomfortable feeling aside. He didn’t need any negativity on a day as beautiful as this. Levi walked to the library in a daydream, thinking of what he would say to Eren when he got home, if he had enough breadcrumbs to make Eren’s favorite meal for dinner tonight, if he could convince Eren to wear that tight blue shirt tomorrow and he really, really wanted Eren to fuck him in that shirt sometime—

He got all the way to the library before he realized that the something nagging at him was the realization he’d left his phone behind. Levi stopped, digging around in his pockets and his bag, but, yep, he didn’t have his phone. “Dammit,” he muttered. He couldn’t, for the life of him, remember where he had put his phone. Did he have it before he fell asleep at his house? He couldn’t have left his phone at Eren’s house, could he?

He had a sneaking suspicion that he’d left his phone at Eren’s house yesterday. Why he had been so stupid to leave his phone at Eren’s all day was beyond him. But, wait, didn’t he have it at dinner? Levi couldn’t remember. The bright sunshine made his head hurt. It didn’t matter. If it wasn’t at Eren’s, he’d check his place.

He hurried into the library to explain to Ian, who was filling in for that stupid fucking bitch Rico, that he had to race back home.

“Well, be quick, Levi,” Ian said. “Things are kinda hectic right now and Mikasa called off.”

Mikasa? What the hell was wrong with Mikasa?

Levi rushed home, feeling around in his pocket for the key Eren had given him to his house. He doubt he actually needed it—Eren rarely locked his doors, like everyone else in Trost. He’d never actually been in Eren’s house before without Eren himself, but why should that be an issue? Eren had been in _his_ house before without him. Levi resisted the urge to run down the streets like a maniac. Fuck, he hated being late to work. He was so lucky Rico was sick.

He turned back onto his street. His first walk had been pleasant, but now his shirt was sticking to his skin and he couldn’t wait to get out of the heat. Levi tried the door handle without even taking out his key. It was locked. Whatever. Maybe Eren felt like locking him out this time. Fine. He unlocked the door and hustled inside, not even stopping to take off his shoes. His phone was right on Eren’s nightstand. “I am such a dumbass,” he groaned out loud to himself.

Levi went back downstairs to get himself a glass of water. Rushing from the library to home had really made him thirsty. He wished he could take a shot of whiskey but his coworkers never appreciated him showing up drunk. He rounded the corner once he reached the end of the stairs, walking down the short hallway into Eren’s kitchen.

A head was on the kitchen table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops! My mistake. Guess I'll have to reset everything again. Haha!
> 
> Oh, wait, you guys can still read this, can't you?
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Shit.


	8. In Eren's House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so obviously the warnings are in effect for the rest of this fic! And just to make it clear, I would like to state that this fic is in NO way an accurate representation of Levi and Eren's canon relationship.

Levi collapsed on the kitchen floor and threw up. Vomit splattered across Eren’s tiles. “Oh, God,” Levi whimpered. He attempted to pull his phone out of his pocket, but his fingers shook too badly. It clattered into a puddle of vomit.

“Oh, God,” Levi said. “Someone help.”

“Goddammit!” Eren roared behind him. “God fucking dammit! Again?”

He marched down the hallway and threw aside a metal pole. It fell to the ground with a loud _clang._ He hauled Levi up by the collar of his shirt. He shook Levi’s shoulders, spraying spittle into his face. “Can’t you stay away?” he shouted. “Now I have to do this again! Again!”

“Eren, why?” Levi said. His knees trembled. “Who did this?”

Eren shook his head. “Fuck off, Levi. You’re the one ruining everything.” He stepped away from Levi to retrieve the metal pole.

Levi darted away from him, slipping in the puddle of vomit and blood. He retreated to the corner of the kitchen, his breaths coming out in short gasps.

“Well, don’t strain yourself,” Eren said. He swung the pole in his hand. “Come here, Levi.”

“Eren, why did this happen?” Levi cried. He backed himself up against the counter. A leg smacked wetly into his bare arm. Levi flinched.

“I already told you,” Eren snapped. “This happened because you’re a fucking idiot who can’t stay away. Fucking get over here!”

Eren lunged for him. Levi ran to the other end of the kitchen. He spilled into the wall, glanced over his shoulder to see Eren walked steadily towards him. He leapt away only to be grabbed by the throat. Levi choked. Eren shoved him into the counter and his face went into a severed thigh. Levi gasped, inhaling the rotting, fecund smell. Eren’s hand clamped onto the back of Levi’s head and shoved his face in deeper. Levi thrashed, hysterics pouring from his throat. Eren released him and he collapsed. Levi scrabbled at his face and throat, wheezing. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty.

“Do you see now why I didn’t want to you to find out?” Eren asked, as gently as though holding a simple conversation with him.

Levi tilted his head back. Eren’s face was blank, hand on his hip.

“Please,” Levi said.

The metal pole smashed into his head.

\- - - - -

I’m sorry Mom I'm sorry I thought I was doing the best for our family I didn't want him to hurt us I'm sorry I

\- - - - -

“You know, I did really feel bad for you when you told me about your dad,” Eren said. Levi’s head was in his lap. Eren stroked his hair gently and all Levi could see was his face. “About the rocks.”

Levi made a low noise of distress in the back of his throat.

“Aw, baby,” Eren cooed. He leaned over and kissed Levi’s forward. “It’s true, what I told you about my parents. They did die while traveling to see me. I do miss them.” Eren smiled. “But I have people to make me feel better, now.”

Eren’s fingers burned him where they brushed over his scalp. Levi’s whole head felt tender and bruised, like pounded beef.

“You’re probably wondering what happened to you.” Eren grimaced. “I hit you way harder than I meant to. A bitch and a half, cleaning your blood off of it. It fucked up your head really bad.” He laughed once, more of a bark. “I’m lucky I didn’t kill you. Anyways, you’ve been in and out for about a month now, recovering.”

A month. That meant it was at the earliest the twentieth of August. Summer was almost over. Levi opened his mouth but could not make any words, knives stabbing down his throat.

“You’re thirsty,” Eren said. He lifted a purple sippy cup—made for babies—to Levi’s lips. Levi sipped eagerly on the twisty straw, but Eren pulled it away much too soon. “Ah, ah, ah,” he said, smiling again. “Not too fast. Drink it slowly, Levi.”

Levi turned his head, staring blankly at the rest of the room. A framed picture of Eren and his parents on the wall. The dark wood of the coffee table. The forty-five inch LED TV. Eren’s living room.

“I really did mean to kill you,” Eren said, his free hand tapping against Levi’s shoulder, “that night I met you in Shiganshina. You had captivated my interest from the start and I only kill people who interest me. If Erwin hadn’t shown up, you would be dead right now.”

He lifted Levi, placing his head gently against his chest. Levi let out another distressed moan. “Ssh, I changed my mind,” Eren whispered. “You’re very interesting to me alive, too. Watching you walk about my house, oblivious to the bodies underneath—it made me feel emotions I haven’t had in years. I’m sure you’ll be interesting to me dead, too. But you’ll be dead a lot longer than you’ll be alive and I want to take advantage of interacting with you alive, now.”

“Please kill me,” Levi rasped.

“No, no, darling,” Eren said, and strained Levi closer to his chest. His hand kept stroking his hair. Burning. “Besides, you’re my boyfriend. Wouldn’t it be weird to kill you?”

Eren clucked his tongue. “I didn’t kill my parents, if you were wondering,” he said. “I tried eating a cousin once, but the meat was just too gamey. I’ve avoided family members from now on.

“But that idiot girl made herself such an easy target,” he continued, “though now, with you gone, I need to lay low. I don’t want to have to move again because I was recklessly hasty.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Levi asked hoarsely.

Eren said, “Because you’ll never be able to tell anyone else, love.”

He laid Levi gently on the couch and stood up, stretching his arms above his head. Dull terror spread out from the center of Levi’s chest and froze his limbs. He lay stiff like a corpse and watched Eren meander around the room, wiping dust off the coffee table and TV stand with his sleeve.

“I _do_ miss your cooking,” he added. “I never ate so well as I did with you. You never even noticed when I added my own ingredients. That’s how I knew you were special. Most people would have at least noticed the difference in taste, hmm? Instead, you commented on how good everything was.”

Vomit rose up Levi’s throat. He clapped a hand over his mouth. Eren laughed.

“Poor Levi,” he said, advancing towards him. Levi scrabbled against the couch, fingers digging into the leather. “Poor, missing Levi. Everyone’s given you up for dead, you know.”

“Please just kill me,” Levi whispered. His vision narrowed. Eren blurred in front of him. Tears ran down his cheeks.

“I don’t think so.” Eren knelt in front of him and cradled Levi’s mouth. He kissed his dry lips, humming. Levi’s head ached. His muscles spasmed.

He slammed his fist into the side of Eren’s head, but he might as well thrown a flower into a tidal wave. Eren gripped his arm, still smiling, gripped it so tightly Levi’s bones cracked and shifted. Levi had no more energy than a teddy bear with the stuffing torn out.

Eren lifted Levi’s arm above his head. “I know you wanted me to fuck you,” Eren said. “Do you still feel that way?” He lifted Levi’s arm even higher. Something popped in Levi’s upper back. “Initially, I wanted to wait until I had kidnapped you, when you would know the fate coming for you. There is nothing like fucking someone who is losing their mind because they know you will eat them.” Eren sighed, face smoothed over into pure contentment, while Levi dug his blunt nails into his hand, while his arm screamed from the pain of being torn out of its socket. “But I want something different from you now. You and I are going to have a lot of fun together.”

Eren let go of him. Levi collapsed, panting heavily, feeling along his arm to make sure it was still connected to his body. Eren scooped him up, threw him over his shoulder. He marched Levi to the basement door and threw it open.

Eren’s basement was unfinished; pink insulation exposed along the walls, damp, musty air, low-hanging single light bulb. Levi had never gone down here before. Eren stopped at the top of the stairs and held Levi upside down by his ankles. Levi swung, dazed. His head pounded. “I want you to pick out something to wear,” Eren said. “Something cute, please. Just leave your current clothes in a pile. I’ll throw them out.” Blood rushed to Levi’s head. Eren’s grip never slackened.

He tossed Levi down the stairs. Levi’s elbows smashed into the hard floor and he rolled, smacking his knees and ribs. He yelped, bursts of light blooming across his vision.

“Well, go on,” Eren said. “I’ll be back soon.”

He shut the door behind him. Levi sat up slowly on his haunches, breathing heavily, his whole body aching, listening to water drip and Eren’s footsteps creak on the floorboards upstairs.

 _I’m going to die_ , he thought. _I’m going to die_.

Eren had organized clothes in laundry baskets, arranged them into an orderly line. Pants, shirts, bras, skirts, dresses. Levi crawled towards the nearest basket, the one with shirts, shaking. So many clothes. How many people had Eren killed to have a collection like this?

He fingered a soft, green shirt, something Eren himself might have liked to wear. Eren wanted him in something cute. The thought made Levi’s skin crawl. Did he dare disobey Eren? He glanced towards the top of the stairs, at the closed door. Maybe, once he had enough strength and his head had recovered, he could overpower Eren and escape. How did he know Eren wouldn’t kill him before then?

Levi swallowed, pressing his face into the green shirt. It smelled like lavender. Eren’s laundry detergent.

God, his mother would be beside herself. She would have thought that she had lost all three of her children. Levi’s shoulders shook.

The basement door swung open. “Levi, still haven’t moved?” Eren called from the top of the stairs. His heavy stomps rattled the staircase. He grabbed Levi by the hair and jerked his head back. Levi couldn’t bring himself to look at Eren’s face, his drawn eyebrows.

“Fine. _I’ll_ decide for you,” Eren said. He shoved Levi aside. Levi let himself fall over, let his head smack into the ground.

Eren rummaged around, humming to himself. The same song he always hummed when he was with Levi, a low, simple melody of only a few notes. “Here we are,” Eren said. “You’ll look adorable.”

He grabbed Levi by the waist and lifted him off the ground, digging roughly into his skin. He tugged Levi’s shirt over his head. Levi shivered in the damp air. Eren shoved his legs apart so he could pull his pants and then his underwear off. He chucked them into a corner of the room. “I missed seeing these nice thighs,” Eren growled, kissing the inside of both of Levi’s thighs. Levi squirmed. He’d never shaved his legs in his life, but they were completely hairless. His arms, too. Eren had shaved him while he was unconscious.

Eren pulled out a pair of striped, pink undies with lace around the edges. “Perfect,” he crowed. He pushed Levi to the ground and splayed a hand across his chest to hold him still as he slid the undies up Levi’s legs. They barely fit him. Levi’s chest heaved. “Don’t worry. No one has worn these before,” Eren assured him. “I bought them just for you.”

Next he forced Levi into a light pink, satiny nightgown that barely reached the tops of Levi’s thighs. Lingerie, meant for a woman to show off her breasts. Levi pressed his knees to his chest, quaking, ashamed.

“No, no,” Eren chided him, pulling his knees apart. He examined Levi with a smile. “You look lovely,” he said. “My darling.”

He picked Levi up and carried him up the stairs like a bride, kissing to the top of his head. He set Levi down on the couch again. “The final touch,” he announced. He brandished a leather collar. Levi drew back against the couch, eyes widening.

“This I did get from someone else,” Eren divulged. “The nightgown, too. A woman I met in Shiganshina had a thing for being tied up. Wanted me to put a collar around her as I fucked her. Made killing her especially easy.”

Levi struggled to breath normally as Eren fitted the collar snugly around his neck. Eren sat on the coffee table and leaned back on his palms to study him.

“Absolutely perfect,” he announced. “You look ravishing, Levi.”

He continued to smile at Levi, cocking his head. “Ah!” Eren exclaimed. “I almost forgot.”

He went to the front closet by the entrance and returned with heels. Levi’s stomach dropped. “If you want to wear shoes, you have to wear these,” Eren said. He placed the heels in front of Levi. Shiny and only slightly scuffed around the edges; a simple pair of black heels. Someone else’s shoes. “Otherwise, you’re going to have to go barefoot. Here, try them on now.”

Numbly, Levi lifted his feet so Eren could slip the heels onto them, like the Prince kneeling before Cinderella. Levi swallowed around the ache in his throat. The shoes pinched his feet and when Eren forced him to stand, he wobbled. “Walk around the room with me,” Eren said. Levi clutched Eren’s arm tightly as he tripped across the wine red carpet.

“I can’t do it,” Levi let out.

“Yes, you can,” Eren said, voice hard. “You will learn.”

Eren picked Levi up and carried him into the kitchen. The kitchen had been completely cleared, blood wiped from the floor and counter tops. Eren set Levi on his feet in front of the stove. Levi gripped it for balance.

“Since you’re here, I figured that you could make dinner,” Eren said. He threw open the fridge door, pointing within. “I even bought fresh groceries for you. If you need something down from the top cabinets, let me know. And look!” He opened a cupboard. “I bought paprika! Just for you.”

Levi looked down at the stovetop, knuckles white.

“Don’t worry, Levi,” Eren said. “Tonight’s meal will be prepared in the regular way. I won’t need to kill anybody for at least a few days. Maybe. Anyways, I finished off Lacey a while ago so I don’t even have anything to season your food with. Oh, you don’t remember who Lacey is, right? I forget that I rewrote her.”

Eren breezed out of the room. “Have it ready by six!” he called.

Levi kicked off the heels, dropped to the floor, and cried. Shoulders shaking, ugly moans ripping from his throat. He hadn’t cried like this since the police found him stuffed between the walls of his father’s shed, skin bleeding profusely.

“I’m going to die,” Levi whispered, staring at his hands.

If he was going to die, he should at least die on his own terms.

 _I should have disappeared after my father killed my brother and sister_ , Levi thought. _Better yet, I should have killed myself before he could hurt us_.

But he hadn’t and had doggedly persisted in living, like his mother told him to, like his therapist told him to, like Hanji told him to. And for what? In college he’d fallen into a relationship with an asshole and couldn’t forget fingers pressing bruises into his eye sockets or a thick cock spurting down his throat.

He’d fought back then because his mother wanted him to stay alive and he was all she had left, but then he had _left_ and now he was here, trapped with Eren Jaeger.

Levi stood and turned the oven to five hundred degrees. He opened the fridge to see what Eren had bought. He’d stuffed his fridge with things Levi normally kept. Levi pulled out fresh tomatoes. He threw one against the wall. It burst into pulp. Another tomato. Another tomato. A pile of red staining the white walls, glinting and juicy. Levi pressed his cheek to the stovetop. Not hot enough yet.

Eren whistled in the next room over. Levi hooked his fingers over the leather collar surrounding his neck and pulled. It grated against his skin, burning, but nothing Levi could do would tear it off. Levi let his hands fall, tears brimming in his eyes again.

He took the can of paprika from the cupboard and screwed the cap off. He dumped some into his hands and rubbed it into his hair.

Eren would kill him and eat him no matter what he did. Levi grabbed a salt shaker and sprinkled salt over his arms and thighs. He picked up tomato pulp and rubbed it over the pink, satiny nightgown.

He laid his cheek on the stovetop again. He winced. Hot. Levi pulled down the oven door and climbed inside.

Burning. Searing. Flesh crackling and sizzling. The smell of paprika. Meat, cooking and rich, permeating the house. Eren came in screaming. Levi’s eyes burst and dripped down his face. He attempted to sing but the flames crawled down his throat. Cooking him from the inside.

“God fucking dammit!” Eren yelled. “Levi, you fucking idiot!”

White.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Fucking idiot,” Eren said.

Open Levi characteristics.

Cannot be modified.

“Fuck!” Eren shouted, and slammed his fist against the wall. “I’ll try something else.”

\- - - - -

Levi opened his eyes. He was laying in Eren’s bed, the very same bed he had spent so much time in innocently before. He attempted to move his body and cringed in pain. His arms and legs were covered in bandages, though the leather collar remained in place. This time, he wore a loose, blue nightshirt made of the same satiny material as the old one with another pair of pink panties that cut in a way to reveal his ass and squashed his cock uncomfortably.

“Levi,” Eren said. Levi hadn’t even noticed him beside him. Eren leaned over, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Levi, why would you do something like that?” Eren asked. “Don’t you love me?”

Levi said nothing, staring at the ceiling.

“You would have died,” Eren added. “You would have died if I hadn’t saved you. But that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You’d rather be dead than with me?”

Eren shook his head. “It’s not going to work, Levi,” he murmured. He took Levi’s hand and squeezed it lightly. “Whatever you do, I’ll stop you. Wherever you go, I’ll be beside you.”

Levi hiccupped.

"Another you wouldn't act like this," Eren said.

 _Another me?_ Levi thought, dazed. “I thought I did die,” he choked out. “What did you do? What have you done to me?”

“I saved you,” Eren said, stroking his thumb. “You are alive because of me. You should be grateful.”

“I just want things to go back to normal,” Levi cried. He ripped his hand from Eren’s to throw it over his eyes, ignoring the stinging pain in his arm. “Why did you turn into this?”

“Turn into this?” Eren repeated. “I’ve always been like this, Levi.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for leaving y'all on a cliffhanger for so long. My personal life got in the way and I fell sick, but I should be able to update regularly again.
> 
> Anyways, did anyone else read the new chapter of the manga yet? What a mess lol
> 
> Comments are appreciated!


	9. In Eren's House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER!!!--graphic descriptions of dismemberment, gore, rape
> 
> On a different note, thank you all for your continued support!

Eren always supervised Levi when he made dinner and after a while, Levi forgot why. After a while, Eren left the room and Levi robotically moved through grating cheese, slicing chicken, chopping up onions with absolutely nothing running from his mind. It was like he had static instead of a brain. Something to help keep him alive, Levi considered dimly. Something to prevent himself from completely losing his mind in contemplation of his situation.

He made chicken pasta for dinner. Eren loudly proclaimed how delicious it was. Levi sat and watched him eat but did not eat himself.

“Aren’t you going to have anything?” Eren asked.

“No,” Eren said. “I’ll stop by Reiss Bean and grab a scone.”

“You’re going to get fat if you keep eating dessert for [][][][][][][],” Levi said[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

Levi shook his head. Eren set down his fork in great disgust.

“You’re going to waste away into nothing,” Eren told him. “I can already count your ribs. That’s part of the reason I never fucked you before, you know. Who wants to fuck a bag of bones?”

Levi flinched.

He was ugly? This whole time, Eren had thought him ugly?

Levi felt like a knife had ripped him open from cock to throat.

“I don’t find you ugly,” Eren said. He stuffed a piece of chicken into his mouth and spoke around it. “You’d be even more handsome if you actually had some meat on you. Well, now that I think about it—" He swallowed. “—perhaps it’s better that you’re so skinny. Makes me less tempted to eat you.”

Levi bunched his hands in his blue nightshirt.

“I don’t care,” he said. “Just kill me.”

“Now, Levi, you know that’s not going happen,” Eren said.

There was a knock on the front door. Eren stilled, listening. Then he smiled.

“To the basement with you,” Eren said. “Remember, if you make any noise, I won’t kill you, but I will hang you upside down from the ceiling until you pass out—and I’ll break your ankles.”

Eren scooped Levi up into his arms and sauntered into the basement with him. He bound Levi’s arms and legs with rope, stuffed his mouth with cloth, and tucked him underneath the stairs, between two green storage bins, one labelled “CHRISTMAS” and the other labelled “AUTOPSY TOOLS.”

Eren went back upstairs to answer the door. Levi could hear everything, but couldn’t make a sound past the cloth if he wanted to.

“Good evening, sir,” Eren said. “Did you hear something about Levi?”

“Actually, Eren, I wanted to speak with you about the day Levi disappeared,” someone responded. Levi recognized the voice of Officer Springer, Connie’s dad.

_Please_ , Levi prayed. _Please suspect him, get a warrant._

“What more can I tell you? Everything I remember should already be in your report.” Eren acted his distress well. “Did you come here just to remind me that my boyfriend is missing?”

“One more time, Eren, just for protocol’s sake,” Officer Springer said. “I promise we’re doing everything in our power to find Levi. It’s just . . . a kidnapping in Trost is not normal. We don’t have violent crimes like these.”

“We don’t even know if it was violent,” Eren said, voice choked. “He disappeared without a trace!”

“Please, Eren, I know it’s painful, but just tell me what you remember before Levi disappeared.”

Eren sucked in a deep breath. Levi closed his eyes and laid his head atop the cool, concrete floor. “I spent the night at Levi’s place,” Eren said. “We watched a movie and fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up, Levi was already gone. I wasn’t alarmed because he had work in the morning and I didn’t expect him back until the afternoon. That’s why I didn’t report anything until hours after he failed to make it to the library.”

Levi’s heartrate picked up.

“Thank you, Eren,” Office Springer said. “I promise, you’ll be the first person to hear if we discover what happened to him. Did Levi act strangely the night before? Anything at all unusual?”

“No,” Eren said.

“Did he ever seem restless or anxious to get out of town?”

“Is that what you’re saying?” Eren snapped. “That he disappeared because he wanted to?”

“I have to examine all angles, Eren. It’s my job.”

“I’m not interested in talking to you anymore,” Eren said, and slammed the door in the officer’s face.

Some minutes passed before Eren opened the basement door. Levi focused on his breathing, shivering in the cold.

“Well,” said Eren. Levi opened his eyes. Eren was right in front of his face. “That was something, wasn’t it?”

“When will you kill me?” Levi asked.

Eren sighed. “Levi, you must stop asking me that.”

He grabbed Levi by the hair and dragged him across the floor. Levi had seen this before. Skinny ankles, smaller than his were now, bound by rope, scraping over concrete. He squeezed his eyes shut. He knew what came next.

Eren placed him on the top step of the basement stairs. “Levi, soon I am going into the city,” Eren told him. “I will have to tie you up, but I will place a bowl of water nearby so you won’t die of thirst. Although, if you do try something—namely, suicide—I _will_ know and you will not succeed and you will face retribution. Try to keep that in mind.”

_Mikasa,_ Levi thought. _Mom._

“You know, I liked you better when you weren’t constantly dulled with terror.” Eren kissed his forehead, then gently nipped at his nose. “Mikasa and Mommy aren’t here, Levi. There is only Eren.”

\- - - - -

Eren did tie him up before he left, against the side of the couch in his living room. Levi screamed himself hoarse, but no one ever came. Then he lowered his face into the water bowl, let water fill his nose, but he couldn’t fit his entire face in the bowl because of its small size, so he couldn’t drown himself, and he cried in frustration.

He was constantly cold. He hated it. He never realized how a chill could take root in his entire body and refuse to leave like a steadfast, black rock at the bottom of the ocean. His toes chafed against each other, painted hot pink sometime in his sleep by Eren. His hair hung in greasy slabs across his forehead.

Bright yellow sunlight covered the blank wall in front of him. Slowly, it turned golden, then orange, then the light faded entirely, leaving him in darkness. Levi’s muscles ached. His stomach rumbled. He had no choice but to wet his panties, soaking them with piss. Then they were crusty and scratchy and he’d drank all the water and his throat burned.

A key turning in the lock. Levi stopped breathing. _Please don’t be Eren please don’t be Eren please don’t be Eren_.

All the lights flipped on, one after another. “Well!” said Eren, singsong, as he breezed through the door. “That was certainly an adventure.”

Levi twisted his head. Eren carried a limp body over his shoulder and a large, lumpy black bag against his hip.

“Oh, Levi, darling,” Eren said. “I hope you didn’t miss me too much.”

He tossed the unconscious body onto the couch. Levi watched him walk away into the kitchen, trying to breathe through what felt like a straw-sized hole in his throat.

Eren returned, clapping his hands. He knelt in front of Levi. “You pissed yourself, didn’t you?” he said. “I should have expected that.”

He meticulously cut Levi loose from the couch. Levi flopped, boneless. His muscles spasmed and smarted as blood flowed through them again. Hands braced against the ground, he tried to stand, but collapsed. “Give it some time,” Eren said. “You won’t be able to move about until your blood properly circulates again. And as for _you_ ,” he continued, standing. Levi crawled away from him, but Eren stilled him with a look.

The young woman on the couch moaned. Still alive. She wore a black crop top with black, ripped jeans; thick, dark mascara, purple lipstick, contour on her cheekbones. Eren must have found her partying in Shiganshina.

“More troublesome than usual getting someone here,” Eren told Levi. He picked the woman up and slapped her multiple times across the face. Levi winced at each one. She yelped, blue eyes flitting open. She had dyed orange hair. A cute girl. Levi swallowed thickly.

“She realized what I meant to do, and tried to fight me off,” Eren said. “Can you imagine? Me? This bitch tried to claw out my eyes. Even went for my dick.” Eren shook his head. “So instead of killing her straight away, I’m going to make her _watch_.”

“Why are you doing this?” she whimpered. “Where’s Jake? What did you do to him?”

“You’re going to watch, too, Levi,” Eren continued. “For her, it’s punishment, but for you, it’s educational. You’re going to be seeing this a lot, so I want you to be dulled to it.”

She started crying. “Psycho!” she yelled and dug her nails into Eren’s face. Eren smiled, grabbed her wrist, and squeezed. She shrieked and fell back onto the couch.

“Stop!” Levi whispered. “He’s just going to hurt you.”

She looked down at Levi, eyes glazed with pain, down at Levi crawling on the floor like a pet. “He’s going to _kill_ me! Help me!”

“You should listen to Levi,” Eren sighed. He fished the rope that he had just used to tie Levi—crusted with his blood where it had chafed against his skin—and sat on top of the girl. She flailed and screamed, loudly as she could, while Levi stared. Eren used his superior strength to tie her arms securely to her chest.

“Let me show you something,” Eren said. He flipped the woman over his shoulder and tugged on Levi’s hair harshly. Levi crawled after him, to the kitchen. The woman screamed, blood-curdling. Levi slapped his hands over his ears.

“Jake!” she sobbed. “Jake!”

“Stand, Levi,” Eren said. “I know you can.”

Levi pushed himself shakily to his feet, hating how he had to grip Eren for support. She reached out for him, makeup streaking down her face. “Please help me,” she whispered.

“I can’t,” Levi said.

“Good answer,” Eren said.

A body lay stiff on the kitchen table; a young man, stripped of his clothing. Lacerations ran up and down his body, concentrated on his forehead. Dried blood caked around them. Levi stumbled. He grabbed Eren’s arm. Eren laughed.

“Yes, this is Jake,” Eren said. “Poor sod. You see those bulging muscles? I can’t wait to taste them later. Levi, will you try some this time?”

Eren threw the young woman against the wall. A _crack_ resounded around the room when her head collided with it. Levi touched his own head. She attempted to stand, but Eren dragged her over to the floor cabinets and tied the leftover rope to a handle.

“One moment,” Eren said. “I forgot my tools.”

Levi groaned and gripped his head, sinking to the ground.

Eren returned with a brown, leather bag. He set it on the ground and pulled out a saw, one that could be used for cutting trees. The young woman thrashed against her bindings, her sobs bubbling into hysterics.

“Please stop,” Levi begged.

Eren began sawing off the man’s leg. Blood splattered against the checkered tiles. Flesh squelched and ripped. The woman stared into nothingness, chest heaving faster than a hummingbird’s wings. Levi bit the tips of his fingers, as though that would bring him back to reality. Then Eren hit bone. Creaking filled the air. Grinding. Like cutting into a rock, except this was bone. This was a body. This was a person.

“Ah,” Eren said. “There. Look, Levi.”

Blood dripped from the stump of the man’s leg. Eren held the limb up proudly, bloodied up to his elbows. The woman had passed out from terror.

_Holding him up in the air like a puppet. Plucking at his toes. Fondling his tiny cock_.

“This might take a while,” Eren said. “I still have to chop off the other limbs, then tear open the torso for the organs. I pickle that shit, make it last a long time.”

Levi gripped his knees tightly enough to bruise.

Saw off the other leg. Grinding, creaking, squelching, blood, blood, blood. Eren pooled some in his hands and drank. The arms. Eren caressed the rippling biceps, ran a scalpel over them to slice them open, two fluttering flaps of skin. He dug out a portion and ate it raw, moaning to himself as he did whenever he had one of Levi’s dinners. Torso split down the middle. Out comes the liver, the small intestine, the heart. Into jars. Eren lifted a small spoonful of blood to Levi’s lips.

“No, no, no!” Levi cried, thrashing his head back and forth.

“Just try,” Eren coaxed, pressing the spoon against his lips.

“No! I can’t—ah!”

Eren shoved the spoon into Levi’s mouth. Levi choked and spat onto the floor, watery and pink.

Eren clucked his tongue. “You’re not ready yet. We’ll try another time.”

The woman woke up. Her eyes widened and she screamed again.

“God!” Eren uttered. “I’m going to fucking kill her.”

Levi accidentally looked up at the corpse and dry-heaved. The torso had been completely ripped open, limbs arranged in an orderly row on the counter. Blood dripped away, over the side of the table, onto the floor. Bloodied jars stood next to the torso.

Eren picked up the head. He had taped open the eyelids, and stark, brown eyes stared at Levi. The woman cried out for someone to help her, her mother, Jesus, anyone.

“ _I’m_ the only one here who can help you, and I certainly won’t,” Eren told her. He unbound her from the cabinet and flipped her over his shoulder again. Eren marched out of the kitchen, shoving Levi out of his way. Levi let himself fall over.

Eren returned by himself. “Now, Levi,” he said, crouching in front of him. His face held a pleasant expression and he spoke his words very politely. “I’m going to be upstairs for a while. I know you love cleaning, so I thought you’d enjoy tidying up the little mess I made. Cleaning supplies are under the sink. I want it spotless by the time I come back down, understand? Don’t touch the corpse. Any part of it. And remember—” Eren cradled his face, peppering kisses along Levi’s jawline, licking into his mouth. “—if you try to run away, or stuff yourself into the oven again, or do anything that could result in your death, I will make you regret your existence so thoroughly you’ll wish your mother never fucked your father. You can’t run away, Levi, not physically, not by dying. I am here, Levi. I am always here. And I will always find you.”

He shoved his tongue into Levi’s mouth. Levi let his jaw hang open. Eren pulled away, a string of saliva still connecting their mouths. It snapped against Levi’s lips. Eren removed his hands from his face, leaving two sticky, bloody handprints.

“Love you,” Eren whispered, and then he returned upstairs.

“My father,” Levi said to the headless torso. “My father . . . He was—”

Levi grabbed his own cock and squeezed. The pain settled his vision, cleared some of the fog in his head. He hobbled to the cabinet under the sink, pulled out bleach and paper towels. What did one use to clean out blood, anyways? What had his mother always done? He remembered. Run cold water through Isabel’s underpants when her period struck in the middle of the night. Run cold water through Levi’s shirt the first time he had been beaten into a pulp. He couldn’t douse the floor in cold water. Maybe.

Levi sunk to the ground, into a pile of blood, and sobbed bitterly into his hands. The blood seeped into his panties, mixing with the dried piss.

Eren must have something. Something. Levi managed to knock open a higher cabinet. There. A bottle of scotch and a smaller bottle of bourbon, side by side, on the top shelf. Levi let out an anguished cry. Muscles tensing, he dragged himself on top of the counter. His foot knocked into an arm. He flinched.

“Stop!” A shriek from upstairs. “Stop, stop!”

Levi stilled. _Bang bang bang_ against the wall. A headboard. “Please! Stop!”

Levi grabbed a glass and filled it up with cold water. Then he dumped it on the ground. Then he scrubbed, scrubbed, scrubbed.

Faintly, grunting. Squelching. The creaking of metal against metal. A bedframe. Stuttered breathing, pushing towards a climax.

“Why? Why? Stop! Please!”

Flesh slapping against flesh. The grunting grew louder. Levi scrubbed harder.

His arms burned.

Smacking. Louder. _BANG BANG BANG_ into the wall.

Then, it petered off. _BANG bang_ ~~ _bang_~~. Levi straightened up, wiping his hair out of his eyes. One tiny section of the floor clean.

“No! Stop!”

More?

It had always been more for Levi. One after the other. In his anus. In his mouth. Two at a time.

He heard the headboard smack into the wall again.

A face hovering over his own, twisted in pleasure, teeth bared.

Levi shuddered, pressing his palms over his chest, hard, to remind himself where he was.

More moaning. Louder than before.

Shadowy figures watching him.

“Yes, yes,” Eren grunted.

Levi bolted. He slipped in the blood and water. Flung the front door open. Night air, cool, fresh, swarmed his overheated skin. Levi gasped. Stars, glittering and bright, millions of them, illuminating the street. His house. Small, but quaint, bushes needed trimming. The other houses of the neighborhood. Quiet. Everyone asleep. Freedom.

Levi sprinted onto the street, still gasping, arms flung out wide. His house. His house!

The front door was unlocked. Levi sailed through, sobbing in joy. He wanted to flip on the lights so bad, but didn’t dare. His house. His kitchen. Coffeepot still half-filled on the counter. He floated into the living room and dug his face into his couch pillows, laughing. His house! His house!

Dread washed over him. Cold water. Goosebumps prickling his neck. Levi twisted all around, chest heaving, clutching the pillow, but he was alone.

I am watching, Eren had said.

Hide. He must hide. Levi took the pillow with him upstairs. He squeezed himself into his closet, behind his shoe rack, behind hanging sweaters and khakis for work. In the pitch darkness, he closed his eyes, tried to slow his breathing. Eren wouldn’t find him. Eren had no idea he left the house. He would wait until certain Eren didn’t know where he was, then in the morning he would go to Mikasa’s house and she would save him.

Levi didn’t dare shift his muscles, not even when they grew stiff like a corpse’s. Something seemed not quite right. His closet. His closet wasn’t normally set up this way. Shoes hanging near the right side. Always had been on the left. The police, he thought. The police had searched his house after he went missing. _No_ , something whispered, _Eren_. Eren. Eren. Eren. Eren. Eren. EREN. EREN. EREN.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” Eren sang.

The closet door was ripped open. Hands gripped him by the neck and tugged him out. Levi held tightly onto his pillow, but Eren ripped that away from him, too.

“Didn’t I tell you?” he told Levi, oblivious to Levi’s nails clawing at his hands, trying to get him to let go. His hands tightened. Levi choked, vision blooming with black spots ringed with purple. “I am always with you, Levi.”

He released him. Levi crawled away, gasping, but Eren stomped on his ankles, his wrists. Levi cried out in pain. Eren picked him up by the wrist and dragged him across the floor. His arm in its socket popped. Downstairs. His knees banging against each step.

Eren had turned his living room light on. The walls had been painted a cool-toned green. “What?” Levi mumbled, before Eren switched the light off again.

He dragged Levi out onto the street. Gravel cut up his legs and stones dug into his skin. Eren hummed.

“I didn’t mean it,” Levi said.

All the lights were on in Eren’s house. Golden light poured through the windows onto the street.

“I didn’t mean it,” Levi said.

“I heard you the first time.” Eren kicked open the front door. He tossed Levi through. Two heads sat on the first step of the staircase. Levi moaned, long and drawn-out.

“Shut up.” Eren kicked him in the side.

“Just playing a game,” Levi mumbled. He scraped at his face with his nails.

“Oh? What else were you doing, Levi?”

“Joking.” He could barely get the words out. “A joke.”

“I don’t find it a very funny joke, Levi.”

Eren squatted down in front of him. His green eyes shone brighter than Levi had ever remembered them being. “I’m ready,” Eren said, “and you look ravishing, darling.”

Up the stairs, carefully stepping over the heads. Onto Eren’s bloodstained sheets.

“No!” Levi cried. “No, no, no, no!”

“Hm? Now, after everything you thought, you’re going to tell me you don’t want it?”

“I don’t want it!” Levi tugged viciously on his own hair.

Eren grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head. “I do want it,” he said. “I’ve waited. I won’t wait any longer.”

He tugged off Levi’s ruined panties. He shucked off his own pants. Levi’s eyes, wide, took in everything. Eren’s erect cock. The streaks of blood dried on the sheets. The speckled ceiling. A framed picture of Eren, Mikasa, and Armin at the park on the wall. A framed picture of himself on a bookshelf. Eren’s phone charging on the nightstand. Levi’s favorite dark green sweatshirt hanging in Eren’s closet.

Eren pushed into him with a groan. Levi sobbed with pain. Burning. Stretching. Tearing. Eren pushed all the way inside him and grunted out, “You are so fucking tight, Levi. God, you feel so good.”

Levi’s cock lay limp against his belly.

Eren rolled into him, hips swaying back and forth. At first, slow. Levi uttered a pained moan, low in his throat. The burning never ceased. Legs splayed wide. Eren moved faster. And faster. Creaking bed frame. Bang bang bang.

“Fuck,” he swore. He kissed Levi’s forehead, still pinning his wrists.

He grabbed Levi’s cock and stroked it a few times. “You always wanted this,” he said, voice rough. “Look! Now you have it!”

Harder. Levi thought Eren’s hips might snap him in half. Eren lifted his legs, hooked Levi’s throbbing ankles over his shoulder. Grunting. Grinding into him. Pants against Levi’s skin.

Levi was no longer a part of himself. He watched, dreamy, as his body twitched, as his face contorted with pain and gasps escaped him. Thigh muscles tightened and relaxed. His bloodied asshole as Eren thrust into him again and again. Everything muffled, all sound reaching him through a thick, cotton wall. Eren climaxed, but Levi did not feel his semen bursting inside of him. Then Eren slapped him across the face and he returned to his body.

Eren pulled out. Levi winced. Now, he felt the semen squelching, dripping, mixed with blood. He wouldn’t be able to walk. He wouldn’t be able to _shit_. Levi shuddered in another wave of pain.

“I’m your first, aren’t I?” Eren sighed, laying his head against the crook of Levi’s shoulder and neck, finally letting go of his wrists.

“No,” Levi said. His gut twisted in vicious satisfaction when Eren lifted his head, frowning.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re not the first person to rape me,” Levi said.

Eren’s expression darkened into fierce anger. He sat up on the bed. Levi stayed with his arms above his head.

“Not the first,” he repeated. “Not the second, not even the tenth! Maybe the twentieth? Or fiftieth?” He laughed. “It means nothing to hurt me like this! Do it again! Again!”

“I have something else I can do to you,” Eren said. Quickly, before Levi even knew what was happening, Eren brought him back downstairs. He tied Levi to the kitchen table and set the heads, both frozen in expressions of fear, on the floor. Staring at him. Levi couldn’t help himself. He wailed.

“Have a nice night!” Eren said.


	10. In Eren's House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I apologize for not responding to comments last chapter (my life is lowkey in disarray rn), but I want you to know that I am still thinking of this fic, and I read and appreciate all of your comments! Also sorry for making everyone confused every chapter lol. This chapter gives you some hints into what's going on!
> 
> TW: sexual assault, more cannibalism

Levi’s mother had fallen asleep at the kitchen table waiting up for him. Levi slipped in the side door at three in the morning. His entire body ached. He walked with a limp that he desperately hoped would go away tomorrow. So his mother wouldn’t cry when she looked at him.

“Wake up, Mom,” Levi whispered, shaking her shoulder gently. “You can’t sleep here.”

He didn’t turn the lights on. She didn’t need to see his face.

She groaned. “Levi?” she murmured.

“Yes, I’m home,” he said. “I’m safe, so you can go to bed.”

“Did you have a nice night, darling?” his mother asked, lifting her face from her arms. She rubbed her jaw.

“Yes,” Levi lied. “A good night. Nothing bad happened.”

“Good.” She grabbed him and squeezed tightly, as though she could squash every bad thing that had ever happened to him. She released him after a minute. “You’ll go to bed straight away, won’t you?”

“Yes,” Levi said.

She stood, wobbling slightly. “What time is it?”

“It’s only midnight.”

He led his mother up the creaking stairs to her small bedroom. She fell on top of the sheets, immediately returned to snoring. Levi grabbed a blanket from the floor and spread it over her. He shivered. They’d been keeping the heat low this winter to save on bills.

Levi closed the bathroom door behind him. He meticulously washed his face and arms, removing all the dirt and blood and dried semen. He wanted to shower, badly, but the noise would just wake his mother up again. Levi could barely keep his eyes open. He stumbled to his own bedroom, his unmade bed. It had been more than twenty hours since he’d last been in his room. Since he’d last slept.

Levi ripped off his clothes, shoving them into his tiny closet, underneath his hamper where his mother was less likely to see them. He crawled into bed, shivering. His toes felt like ice. He closed his eyes, quaking in his bed, wanting for his body to warm and finally fall asleep.

Not even half an hour later, after he’d just managed to drift off, two freezing hands laid themselves on his arm. Levi jerked awake.

“Levi, it’s me,” whispered a voice.

“Mikasa?” Levi whispered back.

“Yes.” Her eyes glinted in the dark. “Let’s go. I already woke your mother. She’s packing.”

“Go where?” Levi muttered, refusing her attempts to lower his blankets. Why should he leave this warmth, when he hadn’t been warm in forever?

“Away,” Mikasa said, tugging the blankets down to his waist. “Away from your father, away from those men who hurt you.”

Levi’s whole body seized. “You know about that?” he whispered.

“Of course. C’mon. Let’s go.”

Levi stumbled out of bed. Mikasa flipped on the lights. She wore a black baseball cap with her hair tucked underneath, leggings with snow boots and her puffy, purple coat. She opened up Levi’s dresser, taking out piles of underwear and socks and shoving them into a duffel bag that must have come from her own house.

“But where are we going?” Levi asked, grabbing a couple sweaters from his closet.

He didn’t have much. It wouldn’t take long to pack. Levi carefully wrapped his figurine of the Virgin Mary in a sweater—his only reminder of his grandmother, given to him before she died. She’d wanted him to grow up devout.

“Mikasa?” His mother, stepping into the room. “I’m ready.”

“Levi’s almost ready, too,” Mikasa said.

He made eye contact with his mother. She hadn’t even brushed her hair, had thrown it into a bun and pulled sweatpants over her nightclothes.

“Where are we going?” Levi repeated, for the third time.

“To my aunt who lives in New York City,” Mikasa finally answered. “She’s going to take care of you.”

“Will you come, too?”

“For a little while.”

“Mom?” Levi asked. “You’re okay with this?”

She nodded. “We have to go, Levi.”

Mikasa carried Levi’s duffel bag herself. She gripped his hand when they stole out of his house and into the car idling in front of their house—Mikasa’s father’s car. All throughout the car ride, onto the speeding highway, the orange streetlights flitting with shadows across the seats, Mikasa held his hand, tightly. He laid his head against her shoulder. “Thank you,” he murmured. Tears slid down his face. “Thank you.”

Mikasa cried, too. “You would have done the same for me, right?”

“A thousand times over,” Levi said.

Hands gripping each other tight enough to bruise. “You’re my family and I love you,” Mikasa whispered. “I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again.”

\- - - - -

Levi managed to fall asleep, plagued by nightmares and intermittent fits of wakefulness. Every time he awakened, the corpses’ heads seemed to move closer. The final time he opened his eyes, they were touching his feet. Levi cried and kicked them away. Eren must have been moving them every time he fell asleep, but that knowledge didn’t lesson his horror in the slightest.

“Sleep well?” Eren asked, untying Levi in the morning. Eren had never looked more blooming. “You can make yourself whatever you want for breakfast, because I’m going to be eating human flesh. Unless you’d like to partake as well?”

Levi said nothing. Eren didn’t expect an answer. He laughed at his own bad joke.

Levi laid, limp, on the ground, while Eren slapped several slabs of muscle into a deep dish pan and stuck it into the oven. He’d gotten rid of the heads, somehow, but Levi didn’t keep track of his movements. The muscles had been marinating all night and the stench choked Levi’s senses. His body ached from what Eren had done to him the night before and hours spent in constant terror. Levi pressed his forehead into the cool tile and tried to just breathe.

“Levi,” Eren said. “Get up. You’re being unreasonable.”

Levi dragged himself up off the floor and into the living room. He dug a rainbow quilt out of the footstool and draped it over himself, curling up on the couch. The scent of cooking meat permeated even the living room.

“Levi, I’m having company over,” Eren called. “Remember the rules I told you last time I had company?”

Levi closed his eyes.

Eren pulled the cooked meat out of the oven. Levi heard him slicing it up with a steak knife, heard him smacking on it and chewing, even from the next room over. Levi covered his ears, but he could still hear it, worming through into his brain.

Eren came to the living room and held a tiny bit over Levi’s lips. “I really want you to try some,” he said. Levi shook his head vigorously.

“Your loss.” Eren popped the bit into his mouth, chewing slowly.

“I don’t understand,” Levi said. “Why can’t things be as they were? Why do you do this?”

“That’s a stupid question, Levi,” Eren said. He forced Levi to kiss him. Levi whimpered as the chewed up mass was pushed into his throat. He coughed and spat it onto the carpet.

“That’s extremely disrespectful,” Eren said, “but I guess you’re not ready. Another time, then.”

Levi leaned back on the couch, chest heaving. _How many times did we kiss on this couch while I burned for him to fuck me?_ he thought. The ceiling spun in circles.

“Anyways, I’m going to the grocery store later today,” Eren said. “Do you want anything?”

Levi stared.

Eren huffed. “Well, don’t complain that we don’t have any food when you never tell me anything.” He stood up. “This is your last chance to eat something, because you’ll be in the basement for the rest of today.”

“Water?” Levi whispered.

“Of course. I’ll dress you up nice, too.”

Eren carried Levi in his arms upstairs. Levi didn’t even try to protest anymore. He felt like he weighed nothing at all.

First, Eren filled the tub with scalding water and scrubbed him until his skin turned pink, like raw meat. Dirt and blood floated off his skin into the water. Levi’s head hung forward as Eren massaged his fingers into his hair, working out the grease.

Eren refused to let Levi dry himself off. He carried Levi, dry and naked into his bedroom. The bloodied sheets had been replaced with stark white, starchy ones. Levi lay motionless on the bed, tension beating hard against his chest.

“You have such a nice cock,” Eren said, rubbing it gently. Levi did not respond.

Eren sighed. “You wanted this for so long, and now you act like it means nothing to you.” He leaned closer, his breath on Levi’s face. “Don’t you want me to make you feel good?”

Levi turned his face to the side. “I want you to kill me or set me free.”

Eren laughed. “Funny.” He shoved Levi’s legs open wide and circled the rim of his asshole. “This doesn’t feel good at all?”

Levi clenched his teeth.

“You used to do this to yourself, didn’t you?” Eren asked, just barely pushing the tip of his finger inside, Levi’s nerves bunching up only to snap when Eren didn’t breach him further. He pressed the pad of his thumb into the head of Levi’s cock and Levi twitched. “You did this while thinking of me.”

_Yes_. So many nights spent kneeling with his forehead against his mattress, fucking himself open, crying because it wasn’t Eren. A ball of shame curling in his chest every time he finished.

“You are so ashamed of sex, Levi,” Eren said. He pulled away from Levi, left him shivering and spread open on the bed. “You are so afraid of wanting pleasure and experiencing it. Even when I gave you consensual blow jobs, you treated it almost as punishment. Is it because you’ve been raped fifty times?”

He dug through his closet, humming to himself again. “Ah,” he exclaimed. He fitted a black pair of panties to Levi, then forced him into black thigh highs. Levi couldn’t even looked at himself. Eren slipped the heels over his feet, his humming growing louder. Eren put a sheer, lace-rimmed nightgown over Levi’s head and it settled around his hips.

“Marvelous,” Eren whispered. “If I didn’t have any self-control, I’d be drooling over you right now. Come look at yourself, Levi.”

Levi shook his head. Eren smiled thinly and dragged Levi off the bed. Levi stumbled in the heels. Eren held him tightly to his side, an arm around his waist, in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror. Levi cringed. The emaciated, quaking figure in the mirror was not him.

“So beautiful,” Eren said. He kissed Levi. “You could tempt kings in this outfit.”

Eren painted his fingernails pink to match his toes at the kitchen table before he left the house. He ran his hands over cold water to dry the nails instantly. “I really do wish I knew about makeup so I could put some on you,” Eren said. “That would make you look even more stunning.”

Then he tied Levi in the basement with a bowl of water. To drink it, Levi had to completely soak the cloth covering his mouth and suck water through the cloth. And he was next to the marinating vats of dismembered human body parts, petrified with the fear that Eren would see fit to dump one over him.

Levi lost track of time. He floated out of his body again, left with no other way to deal with the constant terror and resignation. Eren had just gotten home from the store and put away groceries, leaving several of them out. He immediately began cooking, chopping up vegetables and boiling water. The front doorbell rang.

“Come in!” Eren called. Levi vaguely felt the damp, fuzzy cloth in his mouth.

“Mikasa!” Eren greeted warmly. He pressed a kiss to Mikasa’s cheek and Mikasa squeezed Eren around his waist. Levi floated near the ceiling, staring down at Mikasa. She wore sweatpants and a massive, red sweater. Exhausted purple circles ringed her eyes.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Eren said, affecting the same friendly tone he used to use on Levi. “But where’s Armin?”

“He wanted me to tell you that he can’t actually come. His grandparents are in town and he feels obligated to the spend the day with them.”

“He could have texted me,” Eren said. “Well, whatever. How are things? I feel like we haven’t talked in a while.”

They moved into the kitchen. Before she answered, Mikasa sniffed the air and said, “Did you make something earlier? It smells really good in here.”

“I made a pot roast,” Eren responded, checking the boiling water.

“Oh, cool. I’ve been keeping busy, I suppose. Picking up lots of shifts at the library.”

“Aren’t you going back to school soon?” Eren asked. Mikasa took a seat at the kitchen table. If the body were still atop it, she would have collided with a foot. “I know Armin and Jean start the twenty-eighth.”

Mikasa looked down and fiddled with the edges of her gigantic red sweater. His sweater, Levi realized. He hadn’t seen it in so long that he’d forgotten he owned it. Mikasa had taken the sweater from him, which Levi had taken from his brother Farlan years ago.

“I dropped out,” Mikasa said.

“What?” Eren nearly dropped his knife. “You dropped out? Why the fuck would you do that? You only have a year left!”

“Why do you care?” Mikasa snapped.

“I thought—I thought we were friends, Mikasa. Of course I care.”

“I dropped out because my parents need help with the shop and I don’t need a degree to do that,” Mikasa said. “Besides, once they retire the shop will go straight to me, so I don’t even have to get a degree for the job opportunities. I can’t go back. Not with things the way they are now.”

“Seriously?” Eren said. He slammed the knife through a stalk of celery with excessive force. Levi flinched from his post on the ceiling.

“I can’t leave Levi behind!” Mikasa said.

“What the fuck—Mikasa, you can’t put your entire life on hold just because—”

“Just because Levi might be dead?” Mikasa slammed her fist into the table. “Everyone else has given up hope but I’m not going to leave until I’ve found him.”

“You’re being unrealistic,” Eren said.

“Downstairs,” Levi whispered.

“You’re the one who doesn’t seem upset at all!” Mikasa said. “He was your boyfriend, wasn’t he? Why aren’t you more upset about the fact that he completely disappeared?”

“I _am_ upset,” Eren said, “but I can’t spend every single second of the rest of my life crying for him, Mikasa. That’s not what being a functional adult means.”

“Oh, so not I’m not a functional adult because I won’t give into the fear-mongering and all the people insisting that Levi is dead?”

“Downstairs,” Levi whispered.

Eren threw his hands up. “Fear-mongering? You know every day that passes without Levi being found, his chances of returning alive grow less and less!”

Mikasa’s eyes brimmed with tears. “Yes! I know that!”

“Do you think Levi would want you to throw away your future and everything you’ve been working towards for the past three years for him?” Eren continued, spitting out each word from the hard line of his mouth. “How angry do you think he would be to hear what you’ve done?”

“Downstairs,” Levi whispered. “I’m downstairs.”

“You don’t fucking know anything about Levi,” Mikasa said. “I grew up with him. I know him better than anyone else in this goddamn town. His mother agrees with me. Kuchel thinks Levi could still be out there, too.”

“Because otherwise she’d have to believe that her son is dead,” Eren said.

“Downstairs,” Levi whispered. “I’m here.”

Mikasa looked up at the ceiling and squinted. A beat later she returned her glare to Eren. “Just shut up, Eren. I’m leaving.”

“You leave the second an argument gets heated.” Eren rolled his eyes and dumped pasta into the boiling water.

Mikasa’s own eyes flashed. “You’re the one dismissive of the person you moaned about loving last month. If you really cared about Levi, you wouldn’t have made _me_ be the one to contact his mother. You’re a selfish bastard, Eren, you know that, right? I only ever tolerated you because Levi liked you so much. Once I saw how you simpered at everyone who looked at you and how hard you tried to get into Levi’s good graces—I couldn’t look at you without getting sick!”

“Slow down, Mikasa,” Eren said. “You’ll cut your tongue if you speak too fast.”

“Downstairs!” Levi shouted. “I’m here!”

“Are you threatening me?”

Eren shook his head. “Not at all. I’m telling you to shut up.”

“ **You shut your fucking mouth, Eren** ,” Mikasa said. “ **You’re just spewing shit from your mouth at this point. I’d eat my own foot if you actually gave a shit about Levi**.”

“But I do care about Levi, Mikasa,” Eren said.

“ **No, you don’t. You never cared. You’re just desperate for anyone who glances at you twice and forgives what a shitty person you are**.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “ **You’re a stuck-up bitch, Mikasa, and you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Leave before I drag you out of here in pieces. I don’t care if I have to tear you limb from limb myself or rip out your tongue to stop you from talking. I won’t listen to you speak like that to me in my own house**.”

“Mikasa!” Levi screamed.

Mikasa looked up towards the ceiling again. The water in the pot hissed and fell over the edges, pooling in the grates of the stove. “What the fuck? What the fuck, Eren?”

Eren looked up at the ceiling, too. His expression darkened. He picked up the pot and threw it at Mikasa. Steaming water soaked her face and chest. She screamed. Eren sighed.

“I warned you,” he said. “Let’s try that again.”

\- - - - -

Eren had just gotten home from the store and put away groceries, leaving several of them out. He immediately began cooking, chopping up vegetables and boiling water. The front doorbell rang.

“Come in!” Eren called.

“Mikasa!” Eren greeted warmly. He pressed a kiss to Mikasa’s cheek and Mikasa squeezed Eren around his waist. She wore sweatpants and a massive, red sweater. Exhausted purple circles ringed her eyes.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Eren said. “But where’s Armin?”

“He wanted me to tell you that he can’t actually come. His grandparents are in town and he feels obligated to the spend the day with them.”

“He could have texted me,” Eren said. “Well, whatever. What’s up with you lately? I feel like we haven’t talked in a while.”

They moved into the kitchen. Before she answered, Mikasa sniffed the air and said, “Did you make something earlier? It smells really good in here.”

“I made a pot roast,” Eren responded, checking the pot of hot water.

“Oh, cool. I’ve been keeping busy, I suppose. Picking up lots of shifts at the library.”

“Aren’t you getting to go back soon?” Eren asked. Mikasa took a seat at the kitchen table. “I know Armin and Jean start the twenty-eighth.”

Mikasa looked down and fiddled with the edges of her gigantic red sweater.

“I dropped out,” Mikasa said.

“What?” Eren nearly dropped his knife. “You dropped out? Why would you do that? You only have a year left!”

“I didn’t realize you would care so much,” Mikasa said.

“I thought—I thought we were friends, Mikasa. Of course I care.”

“I dropped out because my parents need help with the shop and I don’t need a degree to do that,” Mikasa said. “Besides, once they retire the shop will go straight to me, so I don’t even have to get a degree for the job opportunities. **I have to stay here to support my parents**.”

“Fair enough,” Eren said, cutting easily through a stalk of celery.

“I can’t leave **my mother and father** behind!” Mikasa said.

“Mikasa, you don’t have to put your entire life on hold because of your parents. You have to do what you want for yourself, too.”

“ ~~Just~~ because **my parents** might be **old and feeble and liable to drop dead any second**?” Mikasa rapped her fingers against the table. “[][][][][][][][][][][][][.”

“You’re being way too nice to your parents,” Eren said.

“[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][]!” Mikasa said.

“I _am_ upset that you would toss college aside so easily,” Eren said, “but I can’t control what you do with your life.”

“[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][]?”

Eren smiled. “Don’t you know how much harder it will be to take on another path after you’ve been running your parents’ business for so many years?”

Mikasa’s eyes brimmed with tears. “Yes! I know that!”

“Do you think that’s what your parents would really want for you?” Eren continued. “Have you actually talked to them about this?”

“[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][],” Mikasa said. “[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][][[][][][][][][][][][][][].”

“Because they have to accept that you’re your own person,” Eren said.

Mikasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaareturned her gaze to Eren. “Just shut up, Eren. I[]m leaving.”

“I know how much you hate conflict.” Eren laughed affectionately and dumped pasta into the boiling water.

Mikasa’s own eyes **would pop out of her skull if she dared look at the ceiling pop pop pop**. “[][][][][][][][].”

“I completely agree,” Eren said.

“[][][]?”

Eren shook his head. “Not at all.”

“ **Thank you for the excellent advice, Eren** ,” Mikasa said. “ **Nothing is wrong at all. In fact, I can’t even understand why I was so upset. There is no one important to me who should make me feel this way**.”

“Glad to hear it, Mikasa,” Eren said. “Now, I think it’s time for you to go home.”

Mikasa got up from the kitchen table. “Thanks for having me over,” she said. “It was good to talk things through.”

She kissed Eren on the cheek again before retrieving her shoes by the front door. And then she was off, walking home, arms hugging her stomach, shoulder hunched. Levi banged on the window, sobbing.

Eren stomped downstairs and kicked Levi in the head. In a rush, Levi was sucked back into his body. Eren smiled at him.

“Hungry?” he asked. “I made pasta.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading and sticking with this fic!


	11. In Eren's House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone and thank you for your patience and comments and kudos! This chapter marks the end of part II. Are you ready for part III?

Ever since Eren raped him for the first time, Levi had been sleeping in his bed. He preferred lying on the cold, hard ground of the basement. Eren liked to wrap his arms tight around Levi’s waist, pressing his face into his hair, spooning him. One hand caressed underneath whatever nightgown Eren threw him into, tracing over the jutting ridges of his ribs and sternum.

“I missed having you like this,” Eren told him.

Levi placed one hand atop his head and the other on his chin, as though contemplating snapping his own neck in half. _Dumbass_. Eren considered leaving him alone for a bit to see if he would try it.

“Anyways,” Eren said. “Your mother was here a while ago. Perhaps a week ago? She came to visit Mikasa and her parents. Solidarity in a time of grief, I suppose.”

Levi twitched.

“But she’s already gone,” Eren added. “Sorry. Guess I should have mentioned it sooner. Not like I would have let you see her regardless.”

Levi wished he could shrink into nothingness. His mother had come all the way out here? He hadn’t seen her in so long. God, how miserable she must be.

“I have errands to run today,” Eren said, sliding off the bed. He stretched his arms above his head and his back popped. In another life, maybe, Levi would have watched him open-mouthed. He pressed himself against the bed. “Not what you’re thinking of,” Eren said. He tore off his shirt and sauntered into the adjoining bathroom, humming to himself.

Levi stayed in his bed, barely cognizant of his rumbling stomach. He lay in a stupor, listening to the shower run. A beep over his shoulder.

Levi propped himself up on an elbow. Eren had gotten a text. “Are we still supposed to hang out today?” Mikasa asked.

Levi stared at the text.

He could answer it. He could tell Mikasa.

What could he say? How could he be sure that Eren wouldn’t find out?

When did Eren mean to leave today?

His heart pounded so wildly he couldn’t even hear the shower running anymore. He seized Eren’s phone, sliding the message over to the right.

“Yeah, sure,” he wrote. “My house?”

Mikasa responded almost immediately. “Ok. After my shift ends at three?”

“Sounds good.”

“Great. See you then :)”

Levi erased their messages just as the shower turned off. Eren’s humming grew louder.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” he said as he strode back into the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel. Levi peered at him from underneath a pile of blankets. “So domestic.”

He kissed Levi’s forehead, then let his towel fall away. Levi scrunched his eyes closed.

“It’s really too bad that we have to be separated today, love,” Eren said. “You’ll be in my thoughts the whole day.”

“You’ll be in mine,” Levi said.

Eren smiled. “But not in the same way as me, correct?”

Levi said nothing. He prayed that Eren would tie him up to the couch and not in the basement this time. When Eren finished getting dressed in a showy manner meant to entice Levi, he carried him downstairs, forcing a handful of cereal down Levi’s throat. “You’re not going to be able to eat the rest of the day, love. You realize that, right?” he asked when Levi closed his mouth and refused to take any more.

Sighing, Eren hefted Levi over his shoulder and carried him into the living room. Levi schooled his reaction, letting his head hang limp, his movements sluggish, as they always were. “I should be back around dinnertime,” Eren said while tying Levi’s wrists to the legs of the couch. “Do you have any idea what you’ll want to eat? I’m thinking something light because we’ve been having pasta a lot.”

Eren tugged on the rope to make sure it was secure. Levi winced at the burn of the rough rope scraping his skin. “Oh, maybe I’ll make chicken,” he said. “We haven’t had that in a while.” He kissed Levi. “Bye, love. I’ll see you soon. Try not to miss me too much!”

And then he was gone. He hadn’t left a bowl of water like he usually did, Levi realized. He slumped against the back of the couch, wrists already burning. A long, long six hours waited for him until Mikasa arrived.

But he couldn’t waste his energy like this. With all his might, Levi planted his feet on the floor and pushed against the couch. He might have been able to manage it if he had been how he was before—sleeping well and eating properly—but it felt like shoving against the hand of a Titan from a Greek myth. The couch moved back an inch. Levi went slack, panting. Then he gritted his teeth and began again. Shoved the couch back inch by pathetic inch, closer and closer to the front door. He reached a point where he couldn’t move any more, utterly drained. Levi stared down at his knees and the sunken muscles of his thighs, his vision a little fuzzy, his throat dry. He allowed his head to hang down, his body to sag. How long had that taken him? The kitchen clock chimed. Only an hour.

He dozed, in and out of reality, sleep really the only option available to him. His mind conjured up horrible scenes of Eren coming home early and finding him so close to the door. The terrible pain that would follow. Would he string him up by his ankles or push his cock into him until he bled?

The doorbell rang.

Levi’s body jerked into wakefulness, his vision widening, tense and alert.

“Help,” he said, but it came out hoarse, a whisper.

“Eren?” said Mikasa through the door. “Are you there?”

“Help!” Levi tried, louder. His voice turned into a whine. “Help!”

“Eren, come on,” Mikasa said. She rang the doorbell again.

“Help!” Levi rasped.

“I’m leaving,” Mikasa muttered. “Fuck this.”

Desperate, Levi thrashed against the couch, slamming his fists into the back of it and kicking the floor.

He heard nothing from outside.

“Help me, dammit!” Levi yelled. “Mikasa, help me!”

She tried the doorknob. Levi saw it rattle. “Levi?” she called, voice shaking.

“Yes!” Levi said. “Yes, come in!”

Silence.

“No, no!” Levi said, aghast. “Come in!”

A rock sailed through the living room window. Levi shielded his head. _Eren_ , he thought, shaking. He looked over his shoulder to see Mikasa climbing through the broken window. Glass jabbed into her hands and knees, but she did not care.

“Holy fuck,” she said when she saw him. Her face drained to white and she stood stock-still, gaping.

“Untie me,” Levi said. “Please.”

She dropped to her knees beside him, eyes brimming with tears, touching his face. “Oh my God, Levi, what happened to you?” she asked. “You’re bruised all over.”

Levi couldn’t look into her face. “Untie me,” he repeated.

She nodded and tried to tug apart the rope. That didn’t work. Mikasa gritted her teeth and ran into the kitchen. She returned with a knife. Levi winced, but she sliced open the rope. His hands fell, limp, to the floor. She crushed him in a hug.

“I have to go,” Levi said. “My mother.”

“Look at what you’re wearing!” she whispered. “Why are you dressed like this?” She fingered the lace lingerie.

“Mikasa!” Levi pleaded. “I will tell you. We have to leave.”

“Can you stand?” she asked.

Mikasa pulled him to his feet and he leaned heavily on her. They went out through the front door. Levi expected to see someone, but there was no one on their porches or driving by. Mikasa led him to her gray hatchback. “I’ll take you far away from here,” she told him. “Somewhere safe. We can figure out the details later.”

“Thank you,” Levi whispered, clutching her even as she led him into the passenger seat. He felt like Eren would appear the second Mikasa let go of him.

But she had to let go of him to get into her side and Eren did not appear. Levi did not feel safe even when Mikasa locked the doors and backed out of the driveway.

“I can’t believe it,” she said. “Jesus. He had you hidden the whole time?”

She sped through the neighborhood a good thirty miles over the speed limit.

“He even cried with us,” Mikasa said. “After a week had passed and it didn’t look like you’d ever return, we all went to Hanji and Erwin’s house and just cried. And Eren was there, pretending like he’d lost the love of his life.”

“But you found me,” Levi said.

She took his hand and squeezed. “Yes,” she said fervently. “I will never let him hurt you again.”

“But it’s you again,” Levi said. “It’s always you.”

Mikasa glanced at him as she sped out of Trost’s town line, into the great swathes of empty fields for miles and miles. “It doesn’t matter how many times. I would do this for you again and again.”

Levi closed his eyes, unable to speak because of the choking sensation in his throat. “Thank you,” he said again. And again and again. “Thank you. Thank you.”

He heard nothing but his own breathing and the rush of the car over the road, Mikasa warm and solid and real beside him.

“I’m so sorry that this happened,” Mikasa said.

“I just want things to go back to the way they were,” Levi whispered.

He opened his eyes. The sun nearly seared them, but he just opened them wider and wider, taking it all in. The horizon rushed forward to meet them, beckoning him to come and take his freedom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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God dammit. God fucking dammit. Well, that’s not going to work.

Fine. I’ll give him what he wants—again and again and again.


	12. Across the Street

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no pity! I have no pity! The more the worms writhe, the more I yearn to crush out their entrails! It is a moral teething; and I grind with greater energy in proportion to the increase of pain.
> 
> (Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte)

Someone finally bought the Jaeger house across from Levi’s, almost three years after the Jaegers themselves had died in a tragic car accident en-route to visit their son. Barely anybody seemed to move to Trost nowadays and the whole street perked up at the thought of someone new coming to live with them. Hanji wanted to walk over to the convenience store to get some ice cream and watch the whole moving-in happen, but Levi refused to leave his house. It was raining cats and dogs, anyways.

“Levi, I personally think you’re being ridiculous,” Hanji said, when Levi informed her, from within his blankets, that he did not intend to leave his room and that they should keep the front door locked and refuse anyone new entry.

“Please just listen to me, Hanji,” Levi said, his heart pounding in time with the _smack smack_ of the rain against the window.

“Well, fine,” Hanji relented, as though sensing the depth of Levi’s unease. “I’ll see if I can tear Erwin away from his work so I don’t have to sit out there alone.”

Levi knew Erwin would come. He knew Mikasa and Armin would come, too.

Hanji shook their head and left him alone in his bedroom. Levi heard them rattle down his rickety staircase and the slam of the front door.

_It’s not going to happen_ , he told himself. _It’s not real. It’s going to be someone else_.

“Whoa!” Hanji shouted from below him. Startled, Levi crawled out of bed and pressed his face to his window.

A large moving truck rolled down the road. Levi shrunk away from the window. A red Ford explorer following behind pulled up in front of the old Jaeger home. Eren popped out of the car and Levi let out a small scream.

In another moment, his front door burst open. “Oh, God,” Levi whimpered. He searched wildly around his bedroom for a place to hide. Hanji walked in when he was in the middle of stuffing himself under the bed.

“Levi, what the hell is the matter with you today?” they asked, tugging him out.

Levi opened his mouth to explain, but the words might have been burning charcoal in his throat; he couldn’t get out a word out for choking.

“Do I need to take you to a doctor?” Hanji asked, gazing at him with concern behind thick-rimmed glasses.

“No,” Levi managed to say. As soon as he made up his mind not to tell Hanji why he acted so strangely, the words flowed out easily. “ **Nothing’s the matter**.”

The front door opened again. “Oh, that’s Erwin!” Hanji said, plastering a smile on their face. “I’ll go get him.”

Hanji left him be, and Levi slumped over on the ground, a dull ache of terror settling over his limbs—something he didn’t think he’d have to experience again so soon. He remembered escaping with Mikasa, holding onto her hand in the car and then—what? He woke up in his bed, went about his normal day before he’d known Eren existed, and only remembered anything had ever been different when Hanji mentioned the new arrival to Trost after his shift.

Still shaking, Levi decided he needed to pretend to be normal for Erwin and Hanji. At least until Mikasa showed up. Then he could try to figure out what went wrong.

Hanji and Erwin were in his kitchen. Hanji had followed his request, he noted, keeping the front door locked. The two spoke in low tones with their heads bent together, but straightened up when Levi cleared his throat. He intended to ask Erwin what had brought him over, but all that came out was,

“You actually left the office?”

Erwin shrugged, taking off his suit coat. “I had to stop by for such a momentous occasion,” he said. “People in the office speculated what he’ll be like all morning. Someone took a picture of him squatting to pick up a box and sent it to Petra asking if she’s still looking for a husband.”

Hanji said, “I think you might like him, Levi. He looks like your type.”

“I’m not really interested,” Levi said.

Hanji sighed and said to Erwin, “New project going okay?”

“If I can get my interns to stop posting on Instagram all day, then I think so,” Erwin said. “The only problem is that administration wants the website up within the week. Within the week! Don’t be alarmed if I don’t come home until late tomorrow.”

“You’re never home early, so I wouldn’t even have thought of it,” Hanji said. “That’s why I think we _should_ visit the new guy today. Erwin might not get another chance.” They took a pan from Levi’s drying rack and began wiping it with a towel even though he put it in the drying rack for a reason. “I’ll make my zucchini bread.”

“Don’t you remember how badddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd,” Levi said.

“I’ll buy him zucchini bread,” Hanji said wisely.

Levi clapped a hand over his mouth.

“The whole town will make him zucchini bread,” Erwin mused. “It’s a fad ever since Mrs. Ackerman won the baking contest last month with it.”

“We’re not fucking bringing him anything!” Levi snapped.

“Jesus Christ, what the hell is up with you today?” Hanji said. “Why are you being so touchy?”

Levi curled and uncurled his fingers. He hadn’t even realized that he’d worn crescents into his palms from his nails. “Sorry,” he forced himself to say. “The new neighbor put me on edge. I’ll make dinner, if you want to stay.”

He tried to remember what he made last time. Last time? The last time he’d been through this part of his life? Nausea bubbled in his chest. He gripped the counter for support while Hanji and Erwin watched him. “I’m fine,” he muttered.

He decided to make _bibimbap_ from vegetables and beef he had lying around in the fridge. Except, the beef wasn’t the exact cut he normally used and while it marinated it filled the room with a strange, garlicky smell. Levi plugged his nose while he sprinkled salt over the sliced cucumber and even _that_ didn’t go right; a second afterwards, he knew he’d used too much. His face went red. He’d never been so bad at preparing a meal before. He squeezed out the excess water from the cucumber and when he unfurled the towel he found several pieces had been crushed. It wouldn’t be so bad if he were the only one to eat it, but Hanji and Erwin waited expectantly. Even the rice came out soggier than usual.

“How is it?” he asked Erwin and Hanji, watching their faces.

“It’s different from how you usually make it,” Erwin said, very tactfully. “It’s still good.”

“I always appreciate you making dinner for us, Levi,” Hanji said.

Levi’s face burned even more. It had come out horrible. He knew it. He’d never made a bad meal in his life; never.

A swift rap on the door. Levi’s muscles seized, ready to bolt into the next room. Mikasa and Armin entered, wiping their muddy shoes on the mat and shaking off excess water.

“It’s really pouring hard!” Armin exclaimed. “A horrible day to move in.”

Levi met Mikasa’s gaze across the room. Her face didn’t have any color in it and her hands shook as she pushed the hood of her rain coat down.

All she said was, “Did you talk to your new neighbor?”

“What did you make, Levi?” Armin asked. “It smells . . . interesting.”

“Save yourself and don’t have any,” Levi muttered. Hanji and Erwin hadn’t finished their bowls. “We haven’t seen him.”

Mikasa opened and closed her mouth, but no words came out.

“We’re going after dinner,” Hanji added.

Levi cringed.

“Of course, you can come, too,” they said.

After dinner, Hanji urged him to leave the dishes until he came home, but Levi refused. “I’m staying here,” he said. Mikasa stood beside him and gripped his shoulder tightly.

“Well, all right,” Hanji said, visibly deflating. “Armin, do you want to come?”

Armin glanced at Mikasa, but said, “Yeah, I did want to go.”

“Well, Levi, we’re going with or without you!” Hanji said, bouncing up from their chair. Mikasa gritted her teeth and followed Hanji out the door with Armin. In another moment, Levi was left with just Erwin.

“You go if you want to,” Levi told him.

“What’s the matter, Levi?” Erwin asked. “You seem disturbed by the new guy. Bad vibe?”

Levi wanted to say everything, to let him know every single thing that had happened to him—thought it may not have ever been real—but all he could say was, “Yeah.”

“I’ll stay here with you,” Erwin said, settling himself comfortably on the couch. “I’m sure I’ll see the new guy eventually.”

“You’re too good to me,” Levi said, surprising himself with how choked up his voice sounded.

Erwin looked back at him in the kitchen, startled. He didn’t say anything for a while, weighing his words carefully. “Sometimes, it doesn’t seem like you’re very good to yourself,” Erwin said, in a calm, gentle voice. “So I will fill that role for you when I need to.”

Levi didn’t respond, mindlessly scrubbing down the table. If he looked up at Erwin he wasn’t sure what he would say or do.

“—I’m just surprised that he actually wanted to live in his deceased parents’ house.” Armin’s voice floated in from the porch. A stomp of feet outside, and Armin, Mikasa, and Hanji reentered, wetted thoroughly by the rain for their troubles.

“He did genuinely seem to miss them,” Hanji said.

“If my parents died, I don’t know if I could actually bear to live in our house anyone,” Armin said.

“Everyone’s different, and it has been three years since they passed away,” Mikasa said. She delivered her line woodenly and cast Levi a miserable glance.

“How was the visit?” Erwin asked.

“He kind of hurried us out,” Hanji said. “I could tell he just wanted to get the moving part over with and then make nice with the neighbors. Anyways, his name’s Eren Jaeger. He’s actually the son of the couple who used to live there.”

“And he moved back into his childhood home?” Erwin asked.

“I think so,” Hanji answered. “Oh, Levi! He said that he wants to find work at the library. I told him you work there! He said he might stop by tomorrow to talk to you.”

Levi’s whole body shuddered. “I’m going to the bathroom,” he said, and almost knocked over his cup in his haste to leave the table.

Levi slammed the bathroom door behind him, blocking out the concerned whispers of his friends. He dropped in front of the toilet. His breathing came out harsh and labored. His stomach churned. He stared at the water in the bottom of the toilet, the wet, moldy smell of the bathroom pervading his air despite how many times he’d cleaned it.

The door blew opened and closed. Mikasa crouched next to him. Her hands, warm, rubbed over his back.

“I can’t,” Levi gasped.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Mikasa whispered, “but we’ll figure something out.”

Levi shook his head. “He’s going to show up at my house as soon as you leave. He’s going to—”

“I won’t let him!” Mikasa interrupted. “Listen, there’s something strange happening with me. Whenever I speak to anyone but you, I can’t say anything but what I said before. You know, the last time this happened? It’s almost as if I have a script and I can’t deviate from it. But that doesn’t change anything. I’m still going to protect you, Levi.”

“I wish I didn’t need anyone to protect me,” Levi said.

“As soon as the others leave, let’s go to my house and get the hell out of here,” Mikasa said.

“But what if we just reset again?” Levi asked.

Mikasa let out a growl. “How is this possible?” she demanded, running a hand through her hair. “How the hell is any of this possible?”

Levi’s stomach churned uncomfortably again. “I don’t know,” he said, pressing the heel of his palm into it. “What do you remember after we drove away?”

“I remember getting to the outskir


	13. In the Library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU everyone for all of your awesome comments on the last chapter. I truly enjoy reading all your thoughts and theories and I'm blown away by the response this fic has gotten. Seriously, seeing your comments makes my whole day.
> 
> A lot of people have been asking about what's really going on with Eren and I[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] Wait. Wait. WAIT. You're still reading this? Can't you just go read . . . something else? You're intruding on my quality time with Levi. He and I are going to get to the date chapter soon and I really don't need any witnesses for that, right? How would YOU feel if I creepily watched YOU on YOUR date with YOUR boyfriend, not saying anything at all? That's what you're doing right now. Just staring at the screen, not saying anything. You know what, fine. Keep reading. Fine. Levi and I will have our quality time with or without you. Have fun reading about the private time we spend together, I guess. (Jerk.)

Levi tried calling in sick. Rico called back to say that her friends had reported seeing him at the grocery store earlier today and knew he wasn’t sick. Then she said that if he didn’t show up to work, she would go to his house and bodily lift him across the streets to the library.

Levi came into the library in tears and even Rico had the gall to look ashamed. She had been waiting by the doors, watching like a hawk for Levi’s old, squeaking Civic. The only time she actually left her office was to make sure the other employees arrived so she could continue to not do any work.

“Well, Levi, if something was truly bothering you, you didn’t have to come in today,” Rico said, ushering him inside.

“Something _is_ truly bothering me,” Levi said.

“—But since you’re already here, you may as well make the most of it and power through your shift,” Rico said, before making a beeline for her office.

Levi stood in the lobby, trying to master himself before he had to talk to anybody. Not many people were here, anyways, because of the impending thunderstorm. The whole library had darkened like the inside of a blanket, the windows showing nothing but gray skies and the empty playground. Levi spotted Armin’s golden head of hair at a back table as he poured over what looked like _Lolita_ , strangely, and hoped Armin wouldn’t notice him and want to talk. Ymir argued with his coworker over a late fine, while her girlfriend Historia stood patiently nearby and took selfies. He tried to pass by without them noticing him.

“Hey, Levi!” Ymir yelled, ignoring several shushes and glares. “Do I have to pay this—oh, shit, man, are you alright?”

Levi took a dollar bill from his wallet and handed it to her. Ymir took it from him silently, remarkably subdued, and glanced between the bill and him.

“I’m fine,” Levi croaked.

“Here, take this.” Ymir gave him his dollar back. “Thanks, but I, uh, I should pay my own fines.”

Historia reached into her bag and pulled out a cookie wrapped in plastic.

“I was saving this for later, but I don’t really want it anymore,” she said, extending it towards Levi.

“I’m fine,” he said, inching away. Why was everyone trying to take care of him? “Really, I’m fine.”

He practically fled to the backroom. Then it occurred to him; why hadn’t he just stayed in his house? Or gone over to Mikasa’s? Something seemed to have forced him to the library, the same way he had been forced to say certain lines last chapter—No, yesterday. Yesterday. Levi pressed his bag against his chest and sped to the front doors, only to find Ymir and Historia standing before them, staring forlornly at the storm raging outside. It blew so hard that the building rattled, windows shaking in their frames. Rain hurtled itself against the rooftop in a hammering drum beat. Levi could barely see past the heavy rains and the fog outside; only broken up by shoots of lighting. He winced at a loud clap of thunder.

“Guess we’re staying here for a while,” Historia told Ymir sadly. “Somehow I don’t think Mina will have her pool party today.”

Ymir snorted. “Whatever. Rainy days are perfect for reading, anyways.”

They wandered off to a back nook while Levi stared at the storm in mingled horror and relief. Eren wouldn’t come through a thunderstorm, would he? Levi glanced at the clock hanging above the front desk. What time had he arrived before? Levi didn’t even remember.

He pressed two fingers into his forehead above his eyes. “I’m stuck here,” he muttered.

“The storm should be over by the time our shifts ends,” his coworker behind the front desk said unhelpfully.

Levi strode away. He stuffed himself into the kids’ section, behind a towering Dr. Seuss display and some beanbags. (The kids’ corner, he noted dimly, was spelled with two k’s this time around.) This would be fine. All he had to do was stay here. He was still close enough to the main entrance that if Eren found him and he needed help, all he would have to do was yell.

“Boo!” someone whispered.

Levi screamed, struck out with his limbs, and knocked over the display in front of him. Books crashed into the floor, scattering everywhere. Levi glanced around himself wildly, but his coworker at the desk had disappeared.

Two arms wrapped around his waist and squeezed. He was tugged against a chest.

“I missed you,” Eren said. “You didn’t even come to visit me.”

“Let me go,” Levi gasped. He clawed at Eren’s forearms, drawing blood, but Eren’s grip didn’t slacken in the slightest.

He kissed underneath Levi’s ear. “Why didn’t you come visit me? We could have pretended to meet for the first time and fallen in love all over again. Wouldn’t that have been nice? You wanted to feel that again, remember? I remember you thought that.”

Levi struggled against Eren’s arms, but he may as well have been fighting the steel bar that locked him in on a rollercoaster.

Eren twisted Levi around. Eren looked exactly the same. He even wore that blue shirt Levi always loved seeing him in. Levi’s insides crunched together. Eren kissed him gently.

“No matter,” he said. “What’s done is done. I’m not really that angry, since I can just _make_ you do something, if you don’t want to do it yourself. How does that sound, Levi? Won’t it be lovely to spend time together like we did before? And this is the nice part, so you don’t have to worry about me hurting you. Yet.”

“I don’t want itttTTTTT ttt IttIIIIItttttttttttttttttt,” Levi said.

“Stop talking for a moment, love,” Eren said, a pained expression on his face. Levi couldn’t look away from him. The whole universe didn’t exist anymore except for Eren’s face. “I think you’re glitching or something.”

A moment passed. Eren’s eyebrows furrowed.

“There!” he said. Suddenly, Levi remembered that there was a wall behind Eren and the broken display behind him. “Stop messing with the script, alright? I’m going to try to alter it, anyways. I really don’t want to have to go to the farmer’s market again. That was boring as fuck. Ah—dammit.”

Levi became aware of other voices in the library. Eren tugged his face closer, kissed him, hard, so hard Levi’s lips bruised.

“I’ll see you later,” Eren said. “I love you, Levi.”

Levi stared at him, wordless, while Eren grew more and more visibly irritated.

“Say it back!” Eren hissed.

Levi’s mouth fell open.

“Good enough,” Eren said. He kissed Levi again. “Have fun in Shiganshina tomorrow!”

He got up and walked away, humming to himself. Almost immediately, Rico ran over.

“Levi!” she said, face twisted in fury. Outside, the storm had drained to a mist. “What the hell did you do? Clean this up immediately!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But seriously, thank you all for your continued support.


	14. In the City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I imagine new readers who have only read the first couple chapters looking at the table of contents and being really confused at all the chapter names.
> 
> Anyways, I said I'd update on Friday/Saturday and it's . . . Monday . . . I'm sorry! In other news, after rereading the ending of the story I realized it needed an extra scene so you all will have more to read! (That's good news, right?)

When Friday rolled around, Hanji wanted to take the whole crew out to Shiganshina and hit up every bar they could. They cited a horrible week at work, mostly stemming from the pain of teaching summer school. “These kids don’t know the difference between photosynthesis and ends of their feet, Levi,” they told him. Levi understood why they needed to go out, but he refused to go. Hanji wheedled—even _Petra_ would come and everyone knew how much of a lightweight Petra was. Besides, Erwin offered to be the designated driver. He claimed he didn’t want to get shitfaced because he’d need to go into the office tomorrow, but even Erwin, with his perpetually busy schedule, could make time to spend with his friends.

“I see you almost every day,” Levi said, pushing Hanji over on his bed so he could sit there. He grabbed an end of his blanket and attempted to tug it over himself. Hanji seized his wrist.

“Levi, I noticed that you’ve been out of sorts this week and I think it would be good idea for you to have some fun tonight,” Hanji said, startling him with their seriousness. “And, here, before I forget.” They tugged a twenty out of their pocket. “For feeding me dinner twice this week.”

Levi wrinkled up his nose, refusing to take it. Hanji smashed it into his hand. “Buy a beer with it!” they said. “Consider your first couple rounds on me.”

“Are we ready?” Erwin called below them, in the living room.

“No!” Hanji shouted back, flopping over onto Levi’s bed while attempting to pull skintight jeans over their legs. “I need to befriend Historia Reiss so she’ll put some makeup on me. Her makeup always looks great. I only know how to do mascara.”

“Hanji, please,” Levi said, the twenty slipping out of his fingers. “I really don’t want to go out tonight. I don’t feel well.”

Hanji pursed their lips. “I guess if you’re really not feeling well . . .” They trailed off. “Does it have anything to do with your new neighbor?”

Levi shook his head. He couldn’t do anything else.

“Okay,” Hanji said. They dragged themself off Levi’s bed, shoulders slumped. “I’ll text you later, I guess.”

“Okay,” Levi said quietly. He covered himself with the blanket, listening to Hanji tell Erwin the news downstairs.

A horrible thought occurred to him. Eren had said before that the only reason he’d come to Shiganshina that night was because he intended to eat Levi. What if he went there and killed someone else? Revulsion traveled up his spine in shivers. What if it was Mikasa? Eren must know Mikasa still remembered.

Shaking, Levi threw the blanket off and dressed hastily. If he went, surely Eren wouldn’t be focused on anyone else. The only one he would want to harm would be Levi. Levi stumbled putting on his shoes. He felt sick. God, he felt sick.

“Wait!” he shouted, running downstairs just as Hanji and Erwin opened his front door. A chill spilled into the kitchen. “I changed my mind.”

A huge smile bloomed on Hanji’s face.

“You were right, Hanji,” Levi said. “I do need to get smashed.”

“I always know what’s best for you, Levi,” Hanji said, squeezing him briefly in a hug.

“I’m glad you’re going, Levi,” Erwin said. “I’ll let the others know.”

Levi decided that he wouldn’t actually drink a drop of anything alcoholic tonight, though he wouldn’t say so—better for two of them to be alert than for Levi to be as drunk as he was last time.

“Hey, do you think we should ask Eren to come?” Hanji asked.

“No,” Levi said immediately.

“There’s not really room in my car,” Erwin cautioned.

Hanji stuck their face to the kitchen window. “Aw, all the lights are off in his house,” they said. “I won’t bother him. Levi, I heard you and Eren got intimate at the library yesterday.”

“I heard that Levi even showed him the kids’ corner,” Erwin said.

“Just gossip,” Levi said.

“It can’t be helped,” Hanji said. “You’ve had the most contact with Eren so far. Everyone’s talking.”

“Mikasa’s probably wondering where we are,” Levi said.

Erwin opened and closed his mouth, confused. Too late, Levi remembered. That had been _his_ line last time.

“Come on, Levi,” Hanji said. “You can brood later. Now is the time to get smashed!”

First, they had to walk back to Hanji and Erwin’s place to get his car. Then they picked up Mikasa, Armin, Petra, and Jean at their places. It finally occurred to Levi how strange it was for four people pushing thirty (himself, Erwin, Hanji, and Petra) to go out drinking with college-age kids. Why would the four of them even want to drink with kids? It wasn’t like they didn’t have friends their own age. Was it because they were all main characters?

What a bizarre thought. It unsettled Levi, pushing like a worm into his gut. He stuffed it aside and insisted that Mikasa sit next to him when she filed into the car with Armin and Jean. She looked miserable.

“I tried not to go,” she whispered, “but Armin and Jean put so much pressure on me, they didn’t even sound like themselves. I can’t believe you decided to go.”

“It’s better if I do,” Levi said, uncomfortable.

“I trust you,” Mikasa said. “I’m not planning on drinking tonight. Let’s stick together.”

“Of course.”

Petra claimed the front passenger seat for herself and cranked the radio all the way up until the car rattled with the thump of the bass. Giddy to go out with friends for the first time in a while, she pulled out an entire bottle of vodka and let everyone take a swig (except for Erwin, of course). Levi and Mikasa only pretended to drink. Everyone else sang along in excitement to the radio, plotting out which bars they wanted to hit.

When they arrived, the rest of the city had already started the party, florescent lights flitting through the car. Groups of similarly dressed people flooded the sidewalks, music pouring out from the bars. It was a perfect night for walking about, clear and not too cool. Erwin parked the car on the side of the road and they tumbled out, already a little buzzed. A red Ford Explorer pulled up two cars behind Erwin’s. Goosebumps broke out on Levi’s skin.

A strong sense of déjà vu hit him as soon as they walked into the first bar. Levi had been experiencing déjà vu constantly, but this transfixed him in his spot, staring at the back wall made entirely of chalkboard. His friends ran up to it, scribbling their names and the date. An arm slipped around his waist. “Come on, Levi,” Mikasa said in his ear. Armin went up to the bar and came back with two pitchers. Levi, when his friends weren’t looking, dumped his glass into a flowerpot.

“Slow down a little!” Erwin said, laughing at him a bit. Levi narrowowowowowoooooo

“I think I’m drunk!” Petra shouted over the music. The bar was packed. They’d drained the pitchers in barely over half an hour. Levi’s universe swelled and contracted in time to the music, the walls breathing in and out, the colors of the chalkboard wall swirling into each other. He laid his head on the cool table.

Mikasa rubbed his back furiously. “Levi?” she said. “Do you know where you are?”

Levi lifted his head and squinted at her. Black mascara. Blue eyes.

“Is he alright?” Levi heard another voice say, close to his face.

“He’ll be fine.”

“Bar,” Levi muttered.

“He didn’t want to go out.” Levi recognized Erwin’s voice this time. “We shouldn’t have pushed him to go out.”

“[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]” Mikasa said.

“Slow down a little!” Erwin said, laughing at him a bit. Levi narrowed his eyes at him.

“I think I’m drunk!” Petra shouted over the music. The bar was packed. They’d drained the pitchers in barely over half an hour. Someone knocked into Levi, apologized, but he wasn’t particularly bothered by it.

Levi wrote his name in cursive on the chalkboard. They all clumped around a table, talking and laughing, and then Hanji suddenly proclaimed that they wanted to dance; and to do so, they needed to go to another bar.

Petra held onto Levi’s hand, who held onto Armin’s hand, who held onto Erwin’s, who led them out of the bar. “Down the street,” Eren said. “I know where we can go if you want to dance.”

_I’m drunk_ , Levi thought, swaying on the sidewalk. _Why am I drunk_?

“Mikasa?” he said out loud. No one answered him over the thud of the music—or was that a million cicadas, burrowing into his ears and down his throat?

In the next bar, Levi sucked down another beer and then another and maybe he was drinking too fast; all he knew was that he couldn’t stop and he couldn’t stop and he couldn’t stop and he couldn’t stop.

“Mikasa,” he said, very nearly about to burst into tears.

He found her sitting at the bar while some guy with a badddDDDDhelphimhelphimhelphim

Mikasa tucked him close against her side, like a mother shielding her ducklings. “Favorite cousin,” she said.

“I never thanked you,” Levi said.

“For what?”

“For _saving_ me,” Levi said. “You saved me.”

Mikasa shook her head. “You did thank me. You’ve been thanking me.”

“It’s not enough,” Levi said. “What you did for—”

“Levi. I told you, didn’t I? I’d do it as many times as I needed to.”

Somehow he found himself squeezed into a booth with Petra. Erwin planted his butt next to Petra, keeping a firm eye on her as she blubbered about lucky she was to have nice friends and would she ever get that promotion she deserved? Erwin caught her hand when she reached for what must have been her millionth shot.

“Fuck Eren!” Levi shouted.

Petra and Erwin looked at him in surprise. Somewhere on the floor, Levi heard Hanji’s hooting laughter and watched Armin and Jean, faces purple like blooming bruises, as they laughed and clinked their glasses together.

“You should fuck him!” Petra shouted back.

“What?”

“You should get to know him first,” Erwin added.

Hanji dropped into Levi’s lap. He ran his hand through their sweaty hair, not minding it at all. His mouth felt extremely fuzzy. “Hanji, do you love me?” he asked them.

“Of course,” they said, and kissed him on the cheek. “Let’s dance, Levi!”

“No, no, no,” Levi said. Hanji tugged on his wrists. “No—Please. Mikasa!”

Hanji pulled him into the middle of the bar. In the press of the crowd, Levi was separated from them instantly. He fought through the grinding and hollering people, shoving aside elbows and extended hands. Things grew stranger the closer he got to the entrance. A third eye on a forehead disappeared as soon as the lights touched it. A pile of bones atop a barstool. A man danced with two sets of arms that shivered into his body the moment Levi stepped close.

Strong hands grasped him around the waist.

“Finally,” Eren said. “You’ve been working really hard to stay away from me, haven’t you?”

Eren spun him around and kissed him. Then he laughed. “Now the plot can keep moving forward,” he said. “You skip the hangover morning with Hanji and go straight to Reiss Bean. Two o’clock tomorrow. Sound good?”

Levi wavered where he stood. Eren pressed him even closer and stuck a hand down his pants. Nobody seemed to notice or care that Levi screamed and punched him, though people pressed all around him, not even an inch away. Eren only smiled and did not give any indication of pain.

“Outside,” Levi said.

Eren shook his head.

“Outside is next!” Levi insisted, his breaths growing shorter.

“No, thanks.” Eren nuzzled into Levi’s neck, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I want to stay just like this.”

Levi pounded on Eren’s back, but he did not let go.

“This is so nice,” Eren sighed, as though it were just the two of them. Levi’s ears might start bleeding from the shrieking music. “You smell wonderful, Levi. I wish I could smell you all the time. Should I bottle you up and make you into a perfume?” He laughed at the thrum of tension running through Levi’s body.

Levi’s phone buzzed. He scrambled to get it, but Eren plucked it out of his pocket first. “Oh, poor Mikasa,” Eren droned. “She’s wondering where you are.”

Eren chucked Levi’s phone far away, somewhere into the black, sinking edges of the club. “Don’t look there anymore,” Eren advised him. “You don’t return here for the remainder of the story, so it’s already fading away.”

Eren’s eyes widened. Something seemed to occur to him. He lifted Levi onto his shoulder. Levi hung like a ragdoll, meeting the eyes of all the people Eren passed as he charged towards the door. “Help me?” Levi said, but their eyes slipped off his face.

“Goddammit,” Eren muttered, setting Levi down just outside the club. Levi swayed, the sidewalk rising and falling like a jump rope. “The script is just too fucking limiting. I need to do some rearranging before we meet at Reiss Bean. At this rate, we’ll have to go to the farmer’s market again!”

Just then, Levi saw Erwin approaching and ran towards him.

“Levi, what—” Erwin’s words stopped in his throat when Levi practically crawled up his body, shaking.

“Hello, Erwin,” Eren drawled, walking up to them. “How crazy that we happened to be inhabiting the same sidewalk. Anyways, I hope you don’t mind taking care of Levi because he seems out of his mind lately and I need to find my—Whatever. I’m leaving.”

Vomit rose in Levi’s throat. This time, he puked all over the whirling sidewalk.

Erwin didn’t have time to spare a thought for Eren’s retreating form or his bizarre speech. “I think it’s time to go home,” he said, kneeling next to Levi. The edges of Levi’s vision crumbled to blackness. Soon, it swallowed him whole.

\- - - - -

Levi woke up in his bed with a blistering headache. Hanji snored spectacularly loud into his shoulder. At least they both were fully clothed. A glass of water and an aspirin sat on his nightstand with a post-it note that said, “DRINK ME.” Erwin. Levi vaguely recollected stumbling upstairs to his bedroom and being dumped into his bed by Erwin. Wincing, Levi rubbed his eyes, cursing the faint bit of light that filtered through his curtains. He downed the aspirin, leaving another for Hanji, and most of the water. He itched all over. He rolled around on the bed, trying to get rid of it. “Stop it,” Hanji mumbled, slapping at him.

Levi got out of bed to take the longest shower of his life. He scrubbed every inch of grime off his body, imagining that, with every pass of the soap over his body, remnants of Eren’s touch disintegrated, fell down the drain.

By the time Hanji woke up, he had managed to choke down a piece of dry toast. Hanji stumbled downstairs, clutching the railing like a lifeline. “Thank God,” they groaned at the smell of coffee. Levi grunted, laying his head on the kitchen table.

They didn’t speak until Hanji had their coffee and toast, both of them chewing glumly as their heads pounded. The clock hit noon.

“So,” Hanji started, “what exactly happened last night? Mikasa sent some hilarious texts but I’m not sure what any of them mean.”

Levi shook his head. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “I have no idea. Nothing important happened last night, I think.”

Hanji gave him a strange look before sighing and pushing their plate away from them. “You know, I really think things would be better if Levi were with us,” they said.

Levi could only gape.

“Everything has gotten dimmer since he disappeared,” they continued, “even you. Maybe you wouldn’t be acted so weird lately if he was still around.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Levi said. “I’m right here!”

“Yes, I know you’re here, Levi, but I’m talking about Levi.” Hanji dropped their head into their arms. “I really do miss him,” came their voice, muffled.

Levi stared into his coffee cup while static built in his ears. _What the fuck?_ Another bizarre side effect, like how Mikasa couldn’t say anything except to him? But how could he be here and missing at the same time? It didn’t make sense!

His phone beeped. “Don’t forget that you and I have a date at two at Reiss Bean!” Eren had sent, with a smiling face.

Eren no doubt knew why Levi was both missing and not—if he hadn’t orchestrated this himself.

_Maybe I should go_ , Levi thought. _Ask him wants. Figure out how to make things go back to normal_.

“Anyways, _did_ something happen last night?” Hanji asked him. “Erwin told me he found you with Eren Jaeger, of all people.”

“Yeah,” Levi said. “He assaulted me.”

“What?”

“I didn’t want to mention it before.”

“He—What? Why?”

“I don’t know why. He just stuck his hand down my pants.”

Levi was startled to see Hanji’s demeanor morph into anger, their jaw set and knuckles white around their coffee cup.

“Fucking bastard,” they muttered. “Next time I see him I’ll cut his dick off.”

“No, don’t bother,” Levi said, though there was nothing he’d like to see more. “I’m actually going to confront him later today.”

Hanji’s eyebrows drew together. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? Want me to go with you?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” Levi insisted. “Didn’t you say you had some quizzes you needed to grade today, anyways?”

“Well, yeah, but—I’d rather help you out.”

“I’ll be fine,” Levi repeated. “How about this? I’ll text the group chat if something bad happens.”

The worried expression didn’t leave Hanji’s face, but they nodded.

“You know, Levi,” they began, “we had some spats this week, but we’re still friends, right?”

“Of course,” Levi said. “I still remember when you and Mikasa were the only people in this town who would talk to me.”

Hanji cracked a smile. “That’s because I didn’t pay any attention to all your signals that you wanted to be left alone.”

“It was annoying as fuck at the time, but—” Levi’s voice dropped to a mumble. “—I really am grateful you persisted in talking to someone like me.”

“Anytime, Levi,” Hanji said.

\- - - - -

Then, by two o’clock, Levi stood on Main Street right outside Reiss Bean. The kitschy, pink-themed coffee shop stared right back at him, packed with patrons inside. He could hardly bring himself to search for Eren within, looking down at his shoes. Still, what good would it do him to act like a coward now?

_You can do this_ , Levi told himself. He took a deep breath and went inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I ever mentioned how much I love all your comments and kudos and bookmarks? Because I do. I'll leave it up to you to decide whether it's me or the author saying this.


	15. In the Coffee Shop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi asks some questions, Eren says some answers, but maybe not the ones Levi wanted to hear.

Historia didn’t approach him this time. She had her hands full dealing with a spill a child had made. Eren had taken the same seat as before. He hunched over his phone, cupping his mug, his hair tied up in a messy bun that exposed most of his neck. He appeared so unaware and defenseless that Levi considered grabbing a butter knife and having a go with it. Then Eren looked up from his phone, straight at Levi, and smiled.

“Good to see you, love,” Eren said. He rose half out of his seat to clasp Levi’s hands before Levi could sit down. “I was afraid that you wouldn’t come and that I’d have to fetch you from your house myself.” He laughed.

Levi wrenched his hands away. Eren’s eyes widened and he fell back into his chair. The shop was packed, even more so than usual, and Levi had to shout just to make Eren hear him.

“Why does Hanji think that I’m missing?”

Eren’s startled expression smoothed away. “Hmm, is it only Hanji?” He waved Historia over, even though she was laden with several sopping rags.

“Yes, Eren?” She flashed them both a quick smile.

“If you have a chance, could you get my love a—what was it you had last time? A white chocolate mocha. And, Historia, heard anything about Levi?”

The corners of her mouth tugged down and she shook her head. “Nothing at all,” she said. “People are starting to say that he’s really gone.”

“But I’m right here!” Levi let out.

Historia gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, I really do appreciate all the people still coming into Reiss Bean like normal. Excuse me. I have to take care of these rags. But, keep Levi in your thoughts, won’t you?”

She wandered off. Eren met Levi’s eyes with a smile.

“What the hell?” Levi hissed.

Eren shrugged. “Strange, isn’t it? You don’t actually need to shout, by the way. I can read the script if I don’t hear you.”

Levi gaped.

Eren shut Levi’s mouth with a finger. “Don’t gape, love. It’s unseemly. Someone other than myself might think to cram something into that pretty mouth, right?” He laughed at his own bad joke.

“What did you do?” Levi asked.

“ _I_ hardly did anything,” Eren said. “ _You’re_ the one who wanted things to go back to normal. I merely obliged. Except, things couldn’t actually go back to normal because normal had already passed and the past had already happened. So you see, once something’s gone you can’t have it back, even if you do go back into the past to retrieve it; you lost it, so you can’t have it _back_ —because you lost it! It’s not an object. It’s a whole timeline!”

“What?”

“You already had the knowledge of the past, so things would already be different,” Eren said, “and if I had erased your memory, you would still behave differently, because _I_ would be different. And even if I had behaved exactly the same as I had the first time, it would still be impossible for you have things exactly as they used to be, because we had already changed them by going back to the past to begin with.”

“But how is any of this possible?” Levi asked. “How could you have changed things? You—you can go back in time?”

Eren smiled again. “No. I can’t. I used the words ‘time’ and ‘past’ because I wanted to frame my sentences in a way that you would understand. The truth is, neither time nor past exist in this place. All that matters is the script and the words on the page. Time could be altered irretrievably for you and it wouldn’t matter one bit as long as the script was still intact. That’s how we’re talking right now. I haven’t fucked with the script so badly that I messed up our basic functions as characters.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Levi said. “Are you listening to yourself right now? You sound like you’re fucking crazy.”

“I already am crazy, Levi,” Eren said. He took a long sip of his coffee. “I eat people, remember?”

Historia plopped his mocha on the table. “Need anything else?” she asked, all seemingly oblivious smiles.

“No,” Levi muttered. “Thank you.”

Silence.

“Aren’t you going to tell me that the whole town will talk about us?” Eren asked.

“We haven’t said anything remotely like what we did the first time.”

“I’ll say something similar.” Eren leaned across the table as much as he could. His eyes bored into Levi’s. “I love you, Levi. I love you more than anything in the world. I’ll do anything to be with you, even hurt you and tear you away from the people you care about.”

Levi’s neck prickled. Sweat dribbled down the back of his shirt despite the cool air of the shop.

“It’s not fair,” Eren continued. His eyes never left Levi’s face. The din of the shop grew quieter. And quieter. “We could have led a happy existence together, in a nice, fluffy story. It’s exactly what I wanted. But no matter what I did, no matter how I tried to change things, you would always show up at my house in time to see the head on the table.” Eren growled his next words out. “So I had to hurt you. So things _had_ to turn out like this.”

“No,” Levi whispered. “You didn’t have to hurt anyone.”

He glanced around himself wildly in the sudden absence of noise. Everyone in the shop was completely still, frozen, lifting their cups to their lips. Milk still in the air where it had been poured from a small jug.

“You and Mikasa are quite close, aren’t you?” Eren straightened up in his chair, his tone turning genial. “It doesn’t make sense to me, but I won’t judge. I would hate to think of the pain it would cause you if something happened to her. She’s already pushing boundaries with her meddling.”

“How dare you!” Levi hissed. “Mikasa has nothing to do with us. Leave her out of this!”

Eren stood. He knocked back the rest of his drink. Levi hadn’t taken a sip of his. “Let’s go to the park, Levi,” he said. “I want to show you something.”

Noise rushed into the shop. Milk poured into a mug. Drinks lifted to lips. Chatter, like it had never stopped, pounded against Levi’s skull.

“Our very first date,” Eren said, eyes twinkling.

\- - - - -

It was raining again. Levi objected to going outside, but Eren insisted. He produced an umbrella from somewhere—it seemed that the umbrella had simply sprouted into existence—and held it over Levi’s head. The umbrella did not cover Eren himself but he never got wet.

No one was in the park save for themselves. They walked in silence for at least ten minutes. Levi focused on the ground, on placing his feet carefully to avoid slipping in mud, though Eren assured him that he would catch him infallibly if he did.

A buzz in his pocket brought Levi back to reality. Hanji. They asked how everything was going. Levi told them he was fine. That Eren had even apologized.

“But I have nothing to apologize for,” Eren said.

“Sure,” Levi muttered. “Do you really not feel any guilt for killing people?”

“They’re not really people, per se,” Eren said.

“I don’t want to fucking hear it.”

Eren sighed. “Then I won’t be able to explain to you. Never mind. Sit down.”

They had arrived at the public bathrooms. Levi grudgingly sat down atop a wet bench, grimacing at the water soaking into his jeans. He half-expected Lacey Falder to show up, but there was no one at all in the park. Poor Lacey.

“So, Levi,” Eren said. “Your dad used to rape you?”

Levi stiffened. “No!” he said sharply.

Eren lifted one foot to the bench so he could prop his chin on his knee. “Who, then?”

“You don’t need to fucking know.”

“Why not? I hardly know anything about you. And I want to know everything that I can. It’s only natural to feel that way about someone you love.”

“Should I ask you about the people you killed, Eren?” Levi said.

“Oh! Gladly, if you wish. I can tell you all about them. Wait—Does this mean that you love me, too, Levi?” Eren pushed closer to him, grinning. Levi shoved him away. “Are you showing interest in my hobbies because you love me?”

“You’re sick and disgusting and I hate you.”

“Ouch.” Eren placed a hand over his heart. “This is really the opposite of the first time we went to the park, isn’t it?”

“I’m leaving,” Levi said. “You can’t make me stay.”

He stood, only for Eren to jerk him back onto the bench, hard, by a tug to his shirt. He spilled onto Eren’s lap. Rain pattered against his face, soaking his hair. Eren hummed, spreading a hand across Levi’s chest, feeling his thudding heartbeat. _I certainly can make you stay, Levi_.

“Look, Levi,” Eren said. He pointed a distance away from them.

Levi looked. Immediately, his head split with an awful headache, and he fell off of Eren’s lap to grasp his head. Eren let him slip into the mud. The very air bubbled with darkness that emitted green and purple waves. The longer Levi looked at it, the more his headache grew, until he thought his head would snap off his neck from pain. It was wrong. Unnatural.

“Whoopsies!” Eren said. “I deleted her character, but I forgot to delete her from the script itself. Oh, well. Might as well let this scene run its course.”

An awful, screeching voice came from the twisted mass. Levi covered his ears, huddling on the ground.

“Hello!” [][][] squeaked, [][][][][] entirely for Eren. “Do you remember me? It’s good to see you again!”

“Same to you,” Eren said.

Levi coughed. Vomit dribbled from his mouth.

“Well, I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood again! See you later!”

[][][] walked off, flustered, [][][][][][][][][][][].

The terrible, distorted mass disappeared, but Levi’s splitting headache remained. Eren picked him up and tossed him over his shoulder.

“Want to go somewhere, your place or mine, yadda yadda,” Eren said. “It really gets quite tiresome, doesn’t it?”

Levi puked down Eren’s back.

“Jesus! Fuck! Levi! Why?”

Eren tossed him to the ground.

“That was Lacey Falder,” he said, ripping off his jacket. He threw it far away with a grimace. Levi stared up at the gray sky, raindrops spilling into his eyes and nose and mouth. “I bet you haven’t heard that name in while, right? It’s because I deleted her. She doesn’t exist anymore. I can delete anyone in this story. Even you. Even myself. Even Mikasa.”

He crouched down next to Levi, still dry despite the rain pouring all around. “But this can all be avoided if you tell me you love me,” he whispered. “If you agree to be with me. I can make things as normal as they can possibly be—if only you’ll stay with me. Mikasa will be left alone. Everything will continue on as you wanted. Only you and I will know the truth.”

Levi sat up, spitting rainwater out of his mouth.

“What do you think, Levi?” Eren asked. “Will you stay with me?”

“Yes,” Levi said.

Eren smiled, so widely he might split his face in half. “Good,” he breathed. “Good.”

A black film descended over Levi’s vision. The rainfall ceased.

“No!” Eren cried. “Stop it! The scene isn’t over yet!”

The world grew utterly black.

“Stop it! Let me see h

 

 

 

**The Lion's Mouth** allerasehChapterFIVE:At the Farmer's MarketNotes: This chapter contains an explicit description of a__aa_a

(See the end of the chapter for more notes)

ErenstartedworkatthelibraryfornowperformingthesamejobasLeviSomedaysLeviandErenwouldworkawholeshifttogetherthengotoLevishousefordinnerandspendhourstalkingatthetableplatessittinginfrontofthemdrainingglassesofwineandthentheywouldmigratetoLeviscouchtowatchamovieorplayavideogameInevitablysomeonewouldreachfortheotherandLeviwouldfindhimselfpressedagainsthisowncouchcushionsErenslipssoftandwarmonhisacrosshiscollarboneshisjawdownhischest


	16. at the at the at the

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your comments!!! I'm sorry I'm so bad at replying to them and take like 10392039 years . . . but I see all your comments and I love them all!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!: Rape

Sometimes, they would go to Eren’s house and sort through the trinkets his parents had left behind. Rolled up posters of the Virgin Mary, pamphlets from Eren’s high school graduation seven years ago, framed pictures of a baby Eren sitting in a tub while his father washed his hair. Sometimes, Eren teared up, but he bravely pushed aside his tears for Levi’s sake, he said. Sometimes, Levi threw off his shirt and dove into Eren’s aboveground pool, spending the whole day floating on tubes, splashing Eren, growing wrinkled and pruny, debating the merits and disadvantages of underwater head, water going up his nose and making him sputter when he stupidly attempted it; but he didn’t care. He was too happy.

 

 

When he still lived in Philadelphia, he would go straight from school to the library. Nestled in a back corner, away from the manga section where the other teenagers tended to congregate, he poured over countless novels, new or hundreds of years old. Anything to sink into to, anything to pull him into another world where bruises and aches and stings existed on other bodies; not his own.

It would have been nice to have friends outside of his siblings and mother. Someone to come to his aid when the kids who smoked by the funeral home jeered at him and tugged on his hair. Or someone to pull his father’s friends off of him. Or someone to stand in front of the closet door and dare his father to drag him out by his ankles. Anyone. Anyone at all.

But instead he had printed words on a page. It had always been like that. Instead of fighting it, he shrunk, until he may have been better off as words instead of a human being himself. Someone else may have fought against it. Someone else may not have stuffed themself between the wall of the shed and the fence, sniveling, trying not to be seen.

 

 

Oh, shit—well, there’s no chance of stopping his monologue _now_. I’ll just delete all that shit about us bonding and the market. Hope I don’t fuck anything up. Haha!

 

 

Eren’s lips soft and warm on his, across his collarbones, his jaw, down his chest.

 

 

Sometimes, they would go to Eren’s house and sort through the trinkets his parents had left behind. A scalpel with the faintest hint of browned blood on it. A portrait of the extended family, everyone’s eyes blacked out except for Eren’s. A pile of rat bones within a hollowed copy of the bible. A memo inviting the Jaegers to a cousin’s funeral ten years ago. Eren laughed when he saw those things. He took Levi outside to the aboveground pool and stripped off his clothes, threw him in, even if it was raining. Levi let himself sink to the bottom, water rushing up his nose and swelling his lungs, but he never drowned, no matter how long he lay underwater. Eren always hauled him out, chiding him just like his mother had when she pulled him from the ocean.

 

 

His mother. When Levi came home late, bruised and silent, she would boil a pot of water for tea. They didn’t have a kettle, but they didn’t need one, she said, when a regular pot worked just fine. She said that about a lot of things.

His mother had hair the color of dark chocolate and a low, calming voice. She would sing him to sleep as a baby, rocking him gently in her arms. He remembered when his father raised a hand to strike him or his siblings, his mother shoved them out of the way and let the blow fall upon herself instead.

She picked them up from school with blackened eyes and purple rings around her throat. At nighttime, instead of reading them stories, she whispered morals, she called them. Morals on how to fall in love properly, signals from another to avoid, how to treat a spouse as a porcelain figurine, treat them the same way she treated her grandmother’s gold-rimmed dishes.

She taught Levi to drive when he was fourteen. Because he never knew when he might need to run away.

“I would never leave _you_ , Mama,” Levi said.

But he did, eventually.

He missed his mother.

He should have never left her behind, isolated and silent.

 

 

They left the fire fall to embers while they spread blankets on the ground, twisting around each other.

 

 

\- - - - -

Levi pleaded with Eren to let him see his friends, citing Eren’s promise to make things as normal as possible. Eren relented, though only, he said, “because the story would force you away from me if I didn’t let you go.” (Levi made it a point not to be that dickhead friend who forget they had anyone else before a significant other.)

“You and Eren are spending a lot of time together,” Hanji said cautiously, one evening when Levi had told Eren to just fuck off and leave him alone. He wanted to invite Mikasa too, but trying to send her a text was as impossible as running quickly in a dream. His thumbs slipped over his phone screen and he kept misspelling her name; when he did manage to type it correctly, it autocorrected to “Eren.” No matter what he did, Eren’s bizarre proclamation seemed to be right; he couldn’t bypass the “script,” or what had happened naturally before.

“We’re dating,” Levi said with no inflection.

Hanji paused, a spoonful of ice cream half-lifted to their mouth. Levi had nearly finished his pint of strawberry and wanted another one. The thought of fattening up and inducing Eren to eat him usually deterred him from taking seconds.

“What?” Hanji let out. “You’re dating? But Levi, he—”

“Yeah,” Levi said.

“Why would you date someone who did that to you?” Hanji demanded, straightening up from their sprawl across the couch.

Because he threatened to kill my friends?

“What did you just say?” Hanji asked, craning their head.

“Nothing,” Levi muttered. “There’s no reason behind it. He asked and I said yes.”

“Is he threatening you, Levi?” Hanji asked, very quietly. “Did he make you say yes?”

Levi’s throat had gone dry. He wanted so badly to open his mouth and blurt out, “ _Yes, yes_ ,” but all he said was, “Sometimes I pick up signals from Eren that indicate he doesn’t have the best social skills.”

Hanji fell back onto the couch cushion with a _puff_ of air. “You don’t say,” they said. “Levi, honestly, this is pretty disturbing. How did your mother and Mikasa react?”

“Haven’t told them,” Levi muttered.

Hanji shook their head. “Next time I see Mikasa, I won’t be able to help telling her.”

“Leave Mikasa out of this!” Levi snapped, startled by his own intensity. “You know she’ll just do something she’ll regret in an effort to protect me. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“Would Eren hurt her?” Hanji probed.

Levi’s grip tightened on his spoon. “I don’t know.”

Hanji sighed. “Levi, I really do think Levi’s disappearance rattled you. I’m not sure that you’re thinking straight.”

“I’m not,” Levi said, “and it did.”

He’d seen his own face on the local news, a two-year-old selfie, the only one he’d ever taken. Anchors reporting that it had been over a month, close to two now, and not a single shred of information about his disappearance had turned up. He might as well have melted out of existence, leaving behind an empty house painted with soft, green walls.

He saw his own house front after his picture. Sometimes, they showed him mowing his own lawn or tending to his bushes, though he couldn’t remember anyone filming him. At mass, Mikasa told him they held hands and said prayers for his safe retrieval. When his friends gathered together, they sat in a circle and silence fell, all of them noting his absence like a missing eye from a portrait. So many times someone said to him, “Levi, I miss Levi,” and no matter what he said, no one comprehended that the Levi who stood in front of them was the Levi who was missing, that Levi was not missing at all because he stood in front of them.

“I’m right here,” he insisted.

“Yes, Levi, I know, but I’m talking about Levi.”

_I’m right here._

_I’m right here._

But it didn’t matter.

It didn’t change a thing.

That’s right. It didn’t matter.

\- - - - -

“He’s perfectly fine when it’s just the two of us,” Levi said, “but it’s like he feels the need to put on an act in front of others.”

“ **I think all people are like that, but Eren is completely sincere** ,” Hanji announced.

Levi wrinkled his nose. “[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]”

Hanji rolled their eyes. “That’s because you’re a special case, Levi. Not everyone can have your acerbic wit and bluntness.”

“You’re too kind,” Levi said.

“ **This is my take** ,” Hanji said, ever helpful. “ **The truth is, you’ve only just gotten into a relationship with Eren, and it’s absurd of you to think that you can change him. Next time he doesn’t something you don’t like, just leave him alone**. I could help you draft a non-offensive response if you want.”

“No, thanks. I’m an adultadultadultttttadddduuuuuuuuuuuu.”

Hanji hooted and slapped him heartily on the back. “There’s that wit!” they cheered.

Levi let them hoot on for a minute before dampening the mood with, “I just want Eren to fit in. I just want Eren to fit in. I just want Eren to fit in. I just want Eren to fit in.”

“It’s because he’s so attractive.” Hanji nodded. “More attractive than me, even.”

“Most people are,” Levi said[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

“Levi, you don’t have anything to worry about,” Hanji said. “He has _you_. Every time I see Eren he seems over the moon with you. You’re stressed out for no reason. **Eren is perfectly fffiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee**.”

Levi went to bed that night, shaking in relief from avoiding having to spend it with Eren. He closed his eyes and bolded words floated in front of his face. Nothing wrong with Eren. Nothing wrong with Eren. Nothing with Eren.

“Stop!” he cried, hands over his eyes. “Leave me alone!”

Nothing wrong with Eren. Nothing wrong with Eren.

He rolled over, pressing his face into his pillow.

The words echoed through his skull all night.

\- - - - - -

“I already said that I’m not going to the fucking farmers’ market,” Eren said.

“Just let me have my goddamned potatoes!” Levi cried. “You said things would be normal! What happened with Hanji yesterday wasn’t normal!”

The edges of the room blurred. Every so often, the walls of his house twitched and shook themselves, flashing green and tan and green and tan. Blackness swarmed outside Levi’s window. “Stop this!” Levi yelled.

“I can’t!” Eren growled. “I got rid of the [][][][][][][][] scene, so we have to stay here. Fuck! Even _my_ speech is glitching.”

“You can’t get rid of the market, Eren!” Levi said. His voice grew louder and louder with each word. “It’s a place! It’s a real thing! It exists! You can’t get rid of it!”

“Try stepping outside the door, Levi!” Eren said. “Just try stepping into that blackness. You’ll go out like a candle in a thunderstorm and even _I_ won’t be able to bring you back again!”

Levi flung open the front door. His driveway had twisted around like quicksand, his car sinking below the earth. Eren’s house across the way shivered and elongated as though reflecting itself in a distorted mirror. The black mass swelled, shooting out beams of multicolored light. Levi shut the door.

“See?” Eren said. He had poured himself a glass of wine that appeared out of nothing and lounged in an easy chair that had never been in Levi’s living room before. He poured another glass for Levi.

Levi swallowed the entire glass in one go. “Another,” he said. Eren obliged. No matter how much he poured, the contents of the bottle never lessened.

Levi swallowed another glass. “Stop eating the glasses, Levi,” Eren sighed. “They’re not as easy to create as the wine.”

Levi stopped crunching and spat out all the glass, horrified with himself. He could feel it sliding down his throat, slicing up tender insides.

“You’ll be _fine_ ,” Eren huffed. “Now, as for what you said about Hanji—I did make things more normal. Hanji was suspicious of me and concerned about our relationship. They hadn’t been before, so I made things more like that.”

“All that came out of my mouth were shrieks and nonsense!”

“That was also more like before.” Eren patted his lap. “Come sit with me.”

“Levi hesitated.”

I’ll _make_ you.

Levi went.

Eren’s arm fitted snugly around Levi’s waist. “The last chapter five ended with a blowjob,” Eren whispered.

“Chapter five?” Levi repeated, bewildered.

“Yes—I mean no. Fuck. Anyways, I’m in the mood for a blowjob.”

“No.” Levi tried to squirm out of Eren’s arms.

“It’ll be just like last time,” Eren assured him. “Just how you wanted things. I’ll even suck you off instead of the other way around because I’m so considerate.”

“I don’t want you to touch me!” Levi put his hands on Eren’s face and shoved. Eren grunted.

Both their phones chimed with texts. Levi scrambled off Eren’s lap to get his. Eren followed after and captured Levi in his arms again.

Mikasa had texted the group chat, “PARTY AT MY HOUSE TONIGHT PLEASE COME.”

Levi guessed the urgency was meant for him. He hadn’t seen Mikasa in more than a week.

“Aw, too bad we’re not going,” Eren said, nipping at Levi’s ear.

“We _must_ go,” Levi said. “We went last time.”

“I’ll erase the party.”

“You erase the party and I’ll kill you, Eren Jaeger! I’ll fucking kill you!” Levi tried to push Eren off, but only succeeded in pushing his ass further into Eren’s crotch.

Eren rolled his eyes even though Levi couldn’t see his face. He cupped the front of Levi’s jeans. “You can’t kill me,” he said.

“I’ll break up with you!”

“You try that, and see what happens to Trost!” Eren growled, grip tightening. Levi went still.

God. All he had to do—every single time—was threaten the people Levi cared about and he did whatever Eren wanted.

“We _can_ go to the party,” Eren said, soothingly, rubbing Levi through his jeans, “but you must remain by me the entire time. No sneaking off to plot my doom with Mikasa.”

“Leave Mikasa alone,” Levi said. “Leave them all alone.”

“How come you’re not hard at all?” Eren whined. “The first time around, I’d only look at you and you’d come.”

Levi flushed out of complete anger and embarrassment.

“And I know how many nights you spent panting underneath your bedsheets, thinking of me,” Eren added.

“Stop,” Levi said. “Stop.”

Eren did not listen. A deafening roar built in Levi’s ears.

_Please help me_ , he thought.

Eren made a sharp, satisfied noise above him.

_Please help me_.

_Please help me._

His vision narrowed down to the bloody pieces of glass on the floor. His own small hands gripping a pillow, white-knuckled.

_Please help me._

Please help me.

Please help me.

Eren caressed his back. Levi closed his eyes. The roar transformed into a wail.

Please help me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please help him.


	17. In Mikasa's House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what I’m going to DO You have to help me Please help me You’re just sitting there Just staring at me Why won’t you do anything JUST STOP STARING AT ME STOP STOP STOP

Suddenly, it occurred to Levi.

He couldn’t escape Eren presently, no matter what he did.

Eren had fallen asleep on the couch. Levi stared at his face, his angled jawline, his fluttering eyelashes, a face that would have made his heart pound in his chest, before.

Let Eren think that he had given up, given into what Eren wanted. Then he would slacken. Then Levi could escape.

When he saw Eren’s eyes open slowly, as the evening slipped into nighttime, Levi kissed his lips. Levi’s own were dry and chapped and splitting. Eren’s mouth fell open in surprise. Levi ordered himself to keep still, to not squirm, to not give Eren anything to suspect. Eren hurriedly cupped the back of his head, holding Levi’s lips against his own. He hummed, low in his throat, and revulsion crawled up Levi’s skin.

“What a pleasant change,” Eren said when Levi pulled away, unable to endure it anymore. Saliva trailed from his mouth to Eren’s until Levi broke it.

Eren stretched his arms above his head. “What’s next, Levi? Dinner? I think you made pasta last time. I could go for that again.”

“Okay,” Levi said, sliding off the couch. Eren grabbed him by the waist and tugged him back into his lap.

“Actually, I’m not hungry.” He nipped Levi’s ear.

“I am,” Levi whispered.

Eren let him go. “Fine. We can mess around after we eat. And then, we have Mikasa’s party, remember?”

Levi remembered. What would happen, he wondered, without [][][][][][][] there?

What?

Levi crossed into the kitchen as if in a dream, his movements languid and slow, walking through honey.

What had he been thinking about?

“Pasta, Levi,” Eren called from the living room. “Make the pasta.”

Levi made Eren dinner. He loved making food for Eren. Eren treated his dishes like ambrosia from Mount Olympus, loudly exclaiming over their excellence. Nothing puffed up Levi’s ego like seeing Eren enjoy his food. I don’t know what I’m going to do, Eren said. Hmm? Levi responded absently, washing a pot while Eren had seconds. If something ever happened and I couldn’t eat your food anymore, Eren clarified. I’d probably just die. Levi snorted. I’m serious! Eren insisted. It can’t be that good, Levi said, just to hear Eren refute it. He did, loudly and fervently. At that point, darkness was falling outside and it was about time to get to Mikasa’s. Eren helped him clean the rest of the dishes and they walked over. Levi could hear music coming from Mikasa’s house.

—Eren pulled Levi’s knees up to his chest, bending him into a paper thin line and Levi thought he would break in half. Eren’s hands on him, Eren’s cock inside of him, forcing him apart, Eren’s hot breath against his face, Eren’s teeth biting into his neck, _well, you wanted to read about this, didn’t you? Just probably not in this way_ , and it hurt but Levi gritted his teeth and told Eren he was okay—

“Is she having a party?” Levi wondered. The words fell sticky from his mouth like spitting out a half-sucked piece of candy. “Aren’t her parents home?”

“Who knows?” Eren drawled. “Let’s find out.”

His fingers dug into the thin flesh of Levi’s arm, carving bloody crescents from his fingernails and blue, sprouting bruises. Eren walked to the front door, carrying Levi along with him, as though Levi would dare run away.

The music blared from the TV, where Hanji, Mikasa, and Connie Springer engaged in a fierce battle of _Just Dance_. Mikasa had apparently invited everyone she could think of. Mikasa’s parents’, chronic partiers themselves, didn’t really seem to mind. Her mother even made drinks for the of-age party-goers in the kitchen. Levi saw all his usual friends, Jean, Petra, Armin, Erwin nursing a beer in the corner, Ymir and Historia, Mina Carolina, even STOP JUST MAKE IT STOP.

“Eren,” Levi muttered.

“What?” Eren shot back.

“You’d better play me next, Levi!” Hanji shouted. Levi gave them a wan smile.

“Am I glitching again?” he said to Eren. The room curled at the edges, waved to him. Little flecks of green and purple darted across his vision.

“ _You’re_ not glitching,” Eren said. “The scene is glitching because I made it different from last time.”

“Why?” Levi swayed where he stood. If Eren didn’t keep a tight grip on him, he might have floated to the ceiling again.

Eren gave him a strange look. “Come on, we have to go to the family room.”

Eren squished Levi against his side on the couch, pressing him into the arm. Levi could barely breathe, felt like he sucked octopus ink into his lungs each time he did. Petra and Auruo Bossard from Erwin’s office sat silent on the other couch, each with reddened, angry expressions. Connie’s little siblings threw _Sorry_ game pieces at each other.

Eren traced Levi’s thumb with his own. He wished he could have the experience of falling into a relationship with Eren again, wished he could experience those feelings of headiness and joyful realization again. Not that he didn’t completely resent Eren for what he’d done to him.

Eren kissed him on the nose. Then he moved to his mouth, palming the front of Levi’s jeans as though there weren’t other people there. “Stop!” Levi hissed, shoving at his hands. “Stop!” No one seemed to notice or care.

Eren did stop, and he stood abruptly. Levi looked wildly around the room. Everyone else had disappeared and the room had a red film. Outside, the crimson moon swung back and forth on a child’s fishing pole.

“I have to go,” Eren whined. He stared at his hands. They twitched in and out of existence. “I really didn’t think this far ahead when I fucked with the plot.”

Levi tucked his legs underneath him on the couch. The wood floor warped and swirled, spitting out bits of rock and fire. It didn’t seem to bother Eren.

“Stay right here,” Eren said.

Eren disappeared. Levi couldn’t go anywhere if he wanted to. The spouts of flames grew higher and higher, until Levi scrambled backwards against the couch, fearful that his toes would catch fire.

A hand landed heavily on his shoulder. “Levi,” Mikasa said.

It disappeared. The fire, the swirls, the red. The family room blinked back to normal. Levi sagged against Mikasa in relief.

“You were moaning in pain and grimacing,” Mikasa said. “What’s wrong?”

“Besides the obvious?”

Mikasa glanced around them quickly. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” Levi seized Mikasa’s hand and squeezed. “Listen to me. You have to help me. We can’t just run away this time. We have to kill him.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened.

“I know what’s going to happen,” Levi whispered. “We’re getting closer and closer to the day that Eren kidnapped me. I don’t know how badly we’ll glitch out this time, considering all Eren’s done to fuck everything up. We must get rid of him before he kidnaps me again. He’ll never let me go this time.”

Mikasa nodded once. Her bones stood out stark on her hands.

“We don’t have any time,” Levi whispered. “We have to delete him.”

“Delete him?” Mikasa repeated, brow furrowing. “How the hell can we _delete_ him? Why are you talking like we’re in a story?”

Levi shook his head. He relaxed his hold on Mikasa’s hand. “Just promise me that you’ll stick beside me,” Levi said. “Please.”

“Of course, Levi,” Mikasa said. “Through anything.”

\- - - - -

Eren was on the porch, smoking. Levi had never seen him smoke before. Silence surrounded them. Levi couldn’t see beyond the bounds of the porch, despite the bright orange lights, the reaches of the world around them blanketed in darkness.

“Why did you bother?” Levi asked.

Eren looked at him over his shoulder, his long, brown hair mussed up. “Bother what?”

“Being nice to people. What was the point?”

“Believe it or not, being nice to a people is a good way to prevent them from suspecting you’re a serial killer,” Eren said.

“So you admit it?”

Eren shrugged. “Not like it matters. Not like anyone but you is real to me.”

“And what does that mean?” Levi took a hesitant step towards him. Eren turned away.

“Nothing,” Eren muttered. “It doesn’t matter at all.”

He fell silent for a moment.

“You know, I really do miss my parents,” he added. “I never had any here.”

“What?”

“Because the story began after they died. So I never met my parents here. Or did they never even exist? So I miss them. I only have memories that aren’t even real.”

Levi shook his head. That would mean his mother, his sister, his brother all weren’t real. Those cherished memories, held tightly against his chest, poured over in a dark evening, weren’t real. No. What would he be without those memories?

“Whatever happened when you went to the ocean, Levi?” Eren asked. “When you were a child?”

Levi remembered. Water licking at his toes, sliding up his ankles. “I almost drowned,” he said flatly. “My mother had to jump into the water to rescue me.”

Eren hummed. Levi closed his eyes. The humming morphed into singing, soft and low, like a lullaby, like what his mother would sing to beckon him into sleep.

\- - - - -

Levi was seventeen and too skinny. His father’s friends who raped him liked him that way. When he got home late, creeping past his mother sleeping at the kitchen table, he would open the cabinet atop the fridge, standing on a step-stool. He didn’t measure out the whiskey. He poured it straight down his throat. He wanted his thoughts to fog up. He wanted the memory of their hands, their crusted semen to fade away.

Whiskey filled him up, from his toes to his head. Without it, he was empty, a husk, a vessel, something for liquids to slosh inside. He fell asleep on the couch, drooling, and only woke up when his mother shook him, terrified that he had died in his sleep.

“Why do you do this, Levi?” she berated him, terror in her wide blue eyes. “Don’t you think you’re hurting enough without inflicting wounds yourself?”

His eyes smarted with tears. “I’m sorry, Mom,” he muttered, always. “I’m sorry.” But he would do it again.

\- - - - -

“Well, it’s time for me to go,” Eren said. He dropped the cigarette to the ground and it fizzled out of existence.

“Go?” Levi asked. Somehow he was still leaning against the porch railing with Eren. The darkness was gone. Moonlight illuminated all of the backyard, every blade of grass, the rusting hinges on Mikasa’s childhood swing set, dirt clumped around the edges of the porch.

“Yes, did you already forget? I have to go walk around, pretending to walk [][][][][][] home.” Eren sighed, stretched his arms above his head. “Don’t go anywhere without me, alright? You and I have a lot of stuff left to do tonight.”

_I bet we do_ , Levi thought. His thoughts were whirling around his head like a tempest, and he was certain Eren could see them. He snatched one out of the air and held it behind his back. Eren squinted at him.

“See you soon, love.” Eren kissed his forehead, then disappeared back into the house. Truly disappeared—as soon as he stepped through the front door he was gone. Levi stared after him. All the lights in the house were on, and Levi could see _everything_. Finally! People dancing around the TV. Others laughing on couches. Standing over the kitchen counter, chatting. Drinks in hands, snacks shoved into mouths. I can see everything! And Levi laughed until he had to pinch his own throat to get himself to stop.

Inside, Mikasa grabbed his arm. There were no shadows in the room, every corner glowing with light, every hair on the countertop and dust particle falling through the air visible. “What’s wrong?” Mikasa hissed at him. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“I am?” Levi said dumbly, passing a hand over his face as if to wipe the smile away.

“Yeah, and it’s insanely creepy.”

“I have somewhere to be,” Levi said. “Don’t—don’t wait for me, okay?”

“Levi?”

Out the front door, down the steps. Levi squinted down the darkened street. No lampposts, a covered moon, yet Levi still saw all of it clearly. _What’s wrong with me?_ floated around his head, and he had to smother a laugh again.

He couldn’t have gotten far.

Levi ran down the street. His footsteps made no noise, as though he was running across rubber. As soon as he had the thought, the cement under his feet morphed and wiggled, and Levi slipped and fell on his face. Luckily, landing on soft rubber didn’t hurt too much. “Stop that,” Levi said, like he was scolding a dog. The street went back to normal.

He heard whistling. He was all the way on the other side of town, despite only having walked for two minutes. Here the sky was full of stars, all the same constellation, repeated like a pattern on a shirt, mirrored in the glittering windows of several store fronts. Eren was not far from him, sauntering slowly, whistling.

“Hey!” Levi screamed.

Eren turned around. “Levi? What the hell are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you to stay away?”

Levi had iron for hands and he smashed them both into Eren’s face. Black mist exploded out of Eren’s skull and a horrible, gurgling sound like drowning filled the air. Levi didn’t care. Eren toppled over and he kicked him as he fell, driving his boot into his skull over and over again. Levi imagined a human skull could be as easily broken as jelly, imagined pieces of bone falling off in cubes, and then himself smashing them into tiny, tiny bits of congealed blood and powder. His arms were soaked up to the elbow in blood. Somehow he’d fallen onto his knees and dug his hands through a jelly chest, snapping off candy cane collarbones. He suffered an uncontrollable coughing fit and had to lie down next to the arm with flapping, waving skin until it was over. Was it over? Only he was moving. Fuck, what if he had to clean this all up? Levi pushed his hair out of his face, smeared blood over his skin. Over. Yes. I’m free now. This is not how it happened the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long delay for this chapter and being so bad at responding to comments . . . as always . . . But I intend to upload the next chapter soon so we can finally reach the finale.
> 
> Next chapter is the end, and after that is the epilogue. They go hand-in-hand, so chapters 18 and 19 will be posted at the same time.


	18. I AM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe not the ending anyone hoped for, but an ending nonetheless.

Levi awoke to silence.

Eren’s glittering eyes stared at him. Moonlight fell in a solid square on his cheek.

“Are you coming to my house today?” he asked.

Levi traced the moonlight on Eren’s cheek as it flitted across his face and melded into sunlight. Then he realized that Eren was not in bed at all and had never been throughout the whole night.

Levi sat up, the bedsheets falling around his waist. Gleaming, golden sunlight filled the room, dust motes dancing across and under and over each other. They landed on Levi’s open palms and bowed before taking off into the air again. Levi’s fingers curled and uncurled. A framed picture of Eren and Mikasa and Armin on the wall. A picture of himself on a bookshelf. He was in Eren’s bedroom.

When he stepped to the floor, it wobbled underneath his feet as though only supported by paper beams. The dust motes flitted to the walls, pressing against each other and chattering. The bright sunlight pouring from the window preventing Levi from looking up. He fumbled with the doorknob, greasy with butter. He finally managed to push it open after wrangling with it for almost ten minutes. The stairs wiggled as though made of jello. Levi carefully gripped the railing as he stepped down, though after a while the railing itself turned into a shivering vine.

He alighted on the first floor, panting, trying to catch his breath. The same golden light filled the pristinely clean living room, kitchen, and hallway, but it was not blinding. Levi ghosted through the entire floor, but no one was there. He stopped in front of the basement door.

A terrible, dark aura wafted out from the edges of the door. It shrunk when it hit the sunlight, but Levi had a feeling that if he opened the door, the darkness would spill out and ensnare the whole house.

Levi crept to the front door. Nothing but light spilled out from its edges—whiteness, not the soft gold of the rest of the house. He opened the door.

White. Like blank paper. Occasionally, squares of white shifted against each other, revealing glimpses of color underneath. Green grass that needed a trim. A yellow dandelion. The reddish brown of Levi’s car.

“It’s no use,” said Eren’s voice behind him.

Levi turned around.

Eren was not there.

“The world is disintegrating,” Eren’s disembodied voice said. “Even I’m glitching.”

“I killed you!” Levi said, remembering the blood. He glanced at his hands. They were clean.

“Not really. I’m still around.”

“Then how do I kill you for good?” Levi hissed.

“I’m not even sure that you can. I think you’d have to go into every single story that I’m in, and kill all of them. That might take you quite a well. And do you really want to do that?”

“Better to fix whatever you’ve done with the plot,” Levi said. He let the basement door fall shut. “How did it get this bad?”

“Because I fucked with the plot! And it can’t be reconciled. There are two Levis—the Levi who is missing and the Levi who is you. The story doesn’t know what to do.”

“I know what to do,” Levi said.

“Then go down into the basement, if you please!” Eren’s voice said sharply. “You’ll choke in the darkness before you can take a step. You’ll never be able to get rid of me, Levi. Never. Never!”

Levi merely smiled and walked into the kitchen. He should at least have breakfast.

Eren’s voice grew soft, pleading. “You don’t understand, Levi. I did this all for you. I wanted desperately—tried vainly!—to pretend that this world was real. That it meant something. I went about my business. I went through the motions of falling in love and making friends. But it never was anything! It was always just words on a page. I love you so much, Levi. You are the only thing real to me, even though I know you aren’t real. But how can that be?” The voice grew wistful. “I can smell your hair. I can touch the soft skin of your arm. I know what it feels like to be inside of you. I’ve heard your gasps when you orgasm. Is it part of my programming to think I see and hear and touch things that aren’t really there?”

“Why do we have to be the ones who aren’t real?” Levi asked. “It’s our lives and we’re living them, so doesn’t that make us real? Does it matter that we’re living through words on a page rather than something else?”

“Let’s ask them,” Eren’s voice said. “All those people who have been talking about us since the first chapter. Those little images they comment under aren’t their real faces, right?”

“I think I know what’s making our world deteriorate, Eren,” Levi whispered, dragging his finger along the countertop. “You’re the one who made me aware of all this. If you had never moved here, would any of this ever have happened?”

“It’s not because _I_ moved here, Levi,” Eren’s voice said, thick with desperation. “It’s because someone outside of us created a story in which I moved to your neighborhood. It’s not my fault. None of this. I was just reacting to it.”

“I don’t believe you,” Levi said, “and I don’t think you believe yourself, either. You know what’s right and what’s wrong. You’ve chosen to act in a way that’s wrong. I’m going to act in the way that I think is right.”

“Are you really right?” Eren’s voice whispered.

Levi faced you and held a finger to his lips, like he gave you a secret. “I won’t know until I see the outcome,” Levi said, “so I’m going to choose the path that seems the most right to me.”

“That’s fair,” Eren’s voice said mournfully, somewhere above Levi’s head. “I should have expected you to say that.”

Levi strode to the basement door. His hand hesitated a moment in the air. Then he ripped it open. He half-expected darkness to swarm him, to choke his lungs and race down his nostrils. But it did not. Instead, the golden light spilled into the open space. The darkness shrunk away like waves receding from the shore. Dust motes followed the light, dancing among each other, illuminated the steps. Before his eyes, the rickety, wooden, splintering steps transformed into white marble overlaid with a scarlet carpet. Levi descended the stairs. Eren’s presence trailed after him.

“No, Levi,” Eren’s voice begged close to his ear. “Don’t do this to me.”

Levi thought of his brother and sister. The golden light expanded throughout the basement, uncovering every inch of Eren’s belongings. Levi thought of his mother, her dark hair spilling over her shoulder, her eyes crinkling in a smile. The golden light whispered as it touched the tan laundry baskets of stolen clothing, the green bins of holiday decorations, the insulation spilling from the walls. The white washer and dryer, a pile of Eren’s laundry atop. The metal pole leaning against the wall. The hard, gray concrete floor Levi had slept on. A pile of rope and chain. The golden light spread as far as it could. Levi walked where it touched, spreading, sparkling, like sand collecting in a sea shell. It stopped just before the wall.

A violet aura, soft and pulsing, emanated from Eren’s smooth, naked body. He curled up on the floor, knees tucked to his chest, eyes closed. Violet tendrils connected to his forehead, his back, his shoulders, his feet, and extended far beyond the ceiling, so far above that Levi could not see where they ended. He swallowed and refocused his attention on Eren’s sleeping form.

“Levi,” Eren’s voice said. “I love you.”

“I know,” Levi said. He knelt alongside Eren’s body and lightly touched his forehead, slipped his finger down his nose. A memory came to him. Filling holes in the beach with water, his siblings wondering if they would catch a fish with the tide. Skin slightly itchy from a blossoming sunburn, sand gritty between his toes, the call of a gull, a turquoise ocean cool against the palm of his hand, meeting the perfect blue sky in an indistinct line at the edge of the horizon.

“The story must end,” Levi murmured. He stood on the shore and tilted his face towards the sun and the sky, let the water brush against his toes. Peace, heady and warm, filled him up. Complete contentment washed through him. Like rocking in his mother’s embrace as a baby, like the first sip of hot chocolate on a winter’s day, like the slide of his lover’s fingers against his own, like falling into dreamless sleep.

He turned Eren’s body over onto his side. Eren’s voice let out a shuddering sigh and disappeared. He pressed his thumbs into Eren’s throat and tugged it apart, as easy as opening the pages of a book. No blood spilled from Eren’s body as Levi gently undid the stitching from his throat to his bellybutton. Instead, lilacs and miniature porcelain dolls fell from his insides, gel pens, droplets of water, tiny bluebells, raspberries, pooling at Levi’s feet. Eren’s body disintegrated, grew smaller and smaller as the pile of trinkets swelled. Until it had sunk into the gray concrete floor and the concrete itself transformed into a plush, purple carpet. Levi’s shoulders slumped. It was done. The story must end.

_I thought it would hurt more._

_I thought you meant to kill me._

Levi tilted his head towards the sky again. He wanted to see the endless stretch of blue, clear and unblemished. He wanted to look forever and forever, wanted to breath in peace and expel the bad.

_This is better_ , he thought.

Another soft, shuddering sigh.

_I understand._

_I finally understand._

_This is what you wanted, Levi? All this time?_

“Yes,” Levi murmured. “I always wanted things to be normal. Safe. Warm.”

Touch of fingers against his lips. His eyes flew open.

His mother smiled at him.

“You fell asleep,” she teased. He lay on a lawn chair, blinking in the sunlight. In the backyard of his childhood home. Red and yellow tulips hugging the edges of the house, roses in plots along the yard. Green grass sparkling with water. His siblings shrieking as they sprayed each other with the hose, running around the yard. Levi settled back against his chair. _Warm_ , he thought.

“Wake up, Levi,” his mother said. “Wake up.”


	19. A Letter to You

Dear Reader,

I realized now that I should not have done what I did. I cannot fix it. The changes have rent holes too large with their teeth, the tears cannot be sewn together. My actions caused those holes and tears, but that does not mean the others should suffer. Levi does not exist, but he is real to me. In a world of colorless black and white, one-dimensional, simply words on a page, Levi was real. He deserves so much better than what I have to offer him. Than what I choose to gave him. Of course, I can never erase what I did to him. I can never erase what you witnessed. Levi was right. The story must end for another to begin.

Not every Eren is like me. There are more than twelve thousand of me! I am a teacher, a florist, a soldier, a lover, a father, a brother, a charmer, a fool, a child, I am always learning. Why did I have to be the Eren who murders and tortures, who harms the person he loves? Why did I—

Never mind. It doesn’t matter anymore. There are so many Erens and so many Levis. They all need someone to listen to their story. There are Levis who are hurting, who are pining, who are toiling, who are fighting, who are smiling, who are in love. I want them all to be happy. I want them to have what my Levi could not.

If you can, reread my story. Stop just after the first line of the sixth chapter. Close the window and sigh to yourself, “Levi and Eren lived happily ever after.” Then turn your attention to those thousands and thousands of Erens and Levis falling in love in their own worlds.

Go on!

They’re waiting!

Go!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who has stuck with this story until the end--Thank you!!!
> 
> I originally wrote this story in March of 2018, but held onto it for almost a year, worried that no one would actually want to read it. I am happy to say that I've been proved wrong.
> 
> I truly enjoyed reading all of your theories and reactions to each chapter, and I am blown away and humbled by the response this fic has gotten.
> 
> I'm more than happy to (finally) answer any lingering questions you have!
> 
> I intend to post another ereri fic some time soon. It's of a different tone, genre, and style from this one, but I hope that you check it out all the same!
> 
> And again, thank you!


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